“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 6: Juanita Joins Big Bopper and Buddy Holly

Flying to New Delhi from Montreal is far better than the Delhi Belly flight from New Delhi to Montreal as with the latter Indian food seeks its revenge on those not used to it. Flatulence and the runs created an unholy stench that not even eggplant curry could mask.

I arrived at home in Bombay after waiting some three hours for my connecting flight in Delhi. Raj the valet picked me up at the airport and I slept for 18 hours dreaming of Minah my Iraqi sweetheart. School started and life resumed to Bombay normal. In a few days recovering from jet lag I felt normal.

Before school one morning I received a call from Sobranj Airlines in Delhi saying the jet my mother Juanita had chartered had gone down somewhere in Finland. Search and rescue was in progress. My goodness this news was difficult to digest. With some help from my librarian contact at the Indira Gandhi Library in New Delhi I discovered the DC-9 that had been chartered had been purchased from a now defunct airline called Overseas National Airways in New York. It was over 20 years old. There had been two “incidents” with the plane related to metal fatigue according to the United States Federal Aviation Authority (FAA). The issues had been remedied according to the FAA and the plane was cleared to return to service. I mean there comes a time when horses and airplanes need to be retired.

Being realistic I thought this just had to be the end of dear old mom Juanita Billabong. And my suspicions were realized when Sobranj Airlines notified me three days later stating their sincerest condolences but all aboard had been lost except for a half-frozen dog and a guitar case with a guitar in it. It was Juanita’s Fender! I am not sure about who owned the dog. It was a West Highland Terrier. I asked them to send the survivor terrier to me as well as the guitar. I called this dog “Welshie” in honour of Juanita’s Welsh heritage.

A huge funeral was held in Cardiff, Wales. I was astounded at how many mourners attended. John Mayall, BB King, Albert King, Eric Clapton, Big Smokin Red, Ravi Shankar, Mel Torme, Scat Man Carothers, Arlo Guthrie, Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan and Robbie Robertson to name a few. I had thought my mother an obscure musician singing an equally obscure genre of music called the “Bombay Blues”. Juanita had a massive influence on blues music. Many of these musicians invited me to visit them.  Juanita would have been proud of the tributes pouring in. I received several calls from record companies wanting to release multiple albums containing unreleased material.

My life had to continue. I will admit I refrained from crying but felt numb. The FAA and Indian aviation authorities were investigating the crash. That gave me some comfort to uncover the truth. There were rumours of falsified maintenance records by Sobranj Airlines. Whatever the result of the investigation the stark reality was that Juanita had joined the Big Bopper and Buddy Holly in the Land Beyond. All I had beside the memories was Welshie the West Highland Terrier and a half-melted Fender guitar.

RKS Food: Making Contact in the Produce Department? Your Grocery Intel! Confessions of a Proud Produceaholic

Being proximate to grocery chains Metro/Fortinos/No Frills and a much smaller non-chain Lady York in Toronto I can have some fun comparing prices of produce. Being mostly a vegetarian fresh and high-quality produce is essential. I saw California cauliflower at $6.00 today at No Frills but at the smaller Lady York local cauliflower without black mold tinges was $3.99. Miss Vickie’s Chips are $5.69 at Metro and $4.99 at No Frills. Blackberries can range “on sale” from $2.99-$4.99 depending on the store.

COSTCO can be a source of great produce but sources imports much earlier than grocery chains because they buy in huge quantities. Yet in the doldrums of winter you might find big juicy Israeli grapefruits where their counterparts at the grocery chains are dry and tough.

The large grocery chains are at their best for produce in summer months when local produce is available but a local farmer’s market I attend on Sundays also tops them all for a few short months but if you don’t comparison shop there you can get “taken’. You can find zucchini flowers at the farmer’s market but ask for them in a large grocery chain you’ll get a blank look.   In winter there is amongst some humans SAD known as Seasonal Affective Disorder but SAD is rampant in the large grocery chains with their produce!

In the last few months I do not know what came over me but at Lady York I have stated chatting with the produce guys and asking them what is really good this week. They appear somewhat startled at human contact but quickly warm up especially when I say I once worked as a fruit broker one summer.

Their advice is spot on. I can pick out quality produce but sometimes it is difficult. For example I saw some South African bagged tangerines that looked so so but far better than the anemic Spanish and Moroccan varieties.  My produce guy said the South African’s were excellent and they were. Same story with the eggplants as I managed to pick the last of the local eggplants. I asked about the Florida eggplants and a frown furrowed his brows. He said they are full of seeds and bitter!

Given that in North America local produce is shrivelling and restricted to carrots, potatoes, cabbages, squash, apples and pears imports will soon rule the roost and help from the produce guys pay off. I can’t take this personalized approach at most big chain stores due to the fact most produce staff are simply shelf stockers but once I did with a Greek man called Gus the produce manager at one of Toronto’s biggest grocery stores. He knew I was married to a Greek and that I had travelled to Greece frequently and we hit it off and he was my grocery intel!

I suppose it is a question of human contact. Yes, I love my fruits and veggies which has been made all the keener with all the produce markets I have attended in Europe over the decades. At 12 years old I was bargaining for watermelons in Greece. Eating is a part of life and shopping for what is on your plate should be a passion not to be shot down by people who callously call you a shopping addict.

RKS Wine: Wines of Chile: Dagaz Carménère: A Case of Mistaken Grape Identity

Chile is driving for a sustainable wine identity and this wine bucks that trend by not being sustainable but not playing the “party line” does not mean it should be put on a Stalinist show trial.

Argentina has its wine identity anchored in Malbec and it could be Chile’s is with Carménère. It originated in France but after the 19 th century phylloxera epidemic it was more or less wiped out. It was mistaken for Merlot in Chile until the mid 1990s!

The wine is from the Colchagua Valley once farmland now one of Chile’s most active wine producing regions. The relatively low elevation of the coastal hills allows the Pacific Ocean breezes to interplay with the Andean winds cooling the valley and extending the region’s ripening period

On the nose the Dagaz Estate Carménère 2018 there is a beam of rich black cherry, blackberry, coal and mocha with Santa Rosa plum. On the palate solid and muscular tannins which are restraining the eager beaver fruit from breaking out and stealing the show. The blackberry and black cherry are happily glowing in the background but in no way bullied by the tannins. The wine needs decanting for an hour if you are planning to drink now but it will be arriving at its peak in 2026 and gracefully ageing and softening through to 2028.

The 7% Petit Verdot takes a good wine a notch above here making it a bit lively but not an obnoxious party animal.

It is a big wine but not so big it is unapproachable now. The cherry in it is certainly willing to accommodate  peppered duck breast with a vanilla mash with peas and a wild mushroom ragout. https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/peppered-duck-vanilla-mash-pea-wild-mushroom-ragout

(Dagaz Estate Carménère 2018, D.O. Valle de Colchagua, Clos de Sol, Buin, Chile, $24.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 24756, 750 mL, 14.5%, RKS Wine Rating 93/100).

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous”: Chapter 5: Bye Bye Juanita and My Iraqi Sweetheart

Juanita Wallabong’s tour was just about wrapping up in North America with a final performance in Montreal at “The Cote St. Luc Residence for Retired Musicians, Roadies and Groupies”. Well we were enjoying a few glorious days off as this trip was about my education not simply music. I fell in love with Montreal as it was in North America but so un-American! I discovered Fairmont bagels, Schwartz’s smoked meat and kosher dill pickles and of course Mont Royal a wonderful mountainous park just off the centre of the city. There were jazz and blues clubs galore. There was Vieux Montreal too that took you back two hundred years in time. And of course in addition to falling in love with the city I fell for a dusky eyed beauty at a falafel joint called Basha on St. Catherine Street. A daughter of an immigrant family from Iraq she was working slinging tabbouleh on falafel sandwiches. Our eyes met and it was all fire and brimstone. Being half Indian our relationship, or fling if you want to call it that, was tricky with strict parents that watched their little flower Minah like a hawk and if they knew that she was consorting with me it would be toast for us. It was bad enough she was refusing to wear a burka steadfastly saying to her parents, “I do not want to be a burka babe!”. Our relationship consisted of a few hot bagels, some kisses and some hand holding. Having been fed some anti-Muslim propaganda at King’s College for Young Men in Bombay I was aware this was a situation that might put Minah in danger if not in peril of her life through an honour killing. Her brother Abdul had suspected something was amiss and she thought she would be followed. He seemed to be sending an inordinate amount of time sharpening his sword.

Ahhhhh..memories of my Minah and falafel sandwiches!

Fate may have solved the danger as I had to return to the first term at my school. Juanita would finish off her tour in Japan and China and be home in a couple of weeks. I broke the news to Minah and we agreed to stay in touch. Somehow I knew I would be returning to Montreal as life without Fairmont bagels, Montreal smoked meat and the Iraqi gem Minah was going to be difficult.

Juanita took me to Dorval airport for my flight to New Delhi on Air India. Little did I know the finality of my good-bye to Juanita my mother.

RKS Film: “Nuestra Pelicula” (Our Movie): 1988 Colombian Blood Bath

“Nuestra Pelicula” starts off innocently with elementary students singing the Colombian national anthem replete with words such as “glory”, “goodness”, “liberty’ and “jubilance”. This opened and closed the broadcasting day on Colombia’s national television network. This innocence quickly fades with archival 1988 Colombian television footage showing a litany of assassinations, murders, kidnappings, funerals, distraught families. Politicians, workers, peasants, students et al gunned down individually or in methodical execution style. Sometimes the sicarios (assassins)are children as young as 15.

The narration of the documentary is sparse and at times poetic as the camera does the talking as chosen by the director of the film Diana Bustamante as the mountains of footage had to be edited to convey the message Bustamante desired. It is a trail of blood and violence. Some of the film is devoted to blood flowing like rivers, fresh blood, dried blood, blood on car seats and on many shoes and personal items streaked with blood. There are plenty of caskets. There is even live footage of the assassination of a politician. There seems no limit to violence, death and blood in 1988 Colombia where it is estimated over 18,000 people were killed.

The film has neutral and extremely limited narration. It is up to the viewer to be immersed in the violence and the film leaves absolutely no doubt about the extent of it in 1988 Colombia. Even the Pac Manish conclusion is constructed to convey the message.

Now it may be either a strength or weakness we are not told who is behind this violence. Is it the narco cartels fighting amongst each other? Is it the leftist guerillas? Is it the military or parts of the government itself? That may not be the point. The point is to present a bloody trail and pierce the heart of the viewer.

And these sweet children singing the national anthem? The children of Colombia witnessed the violence and many were affected directly by it. Perhaps the most disturbing footage is a multiple murder in a Colombian town with children jumping over rivulets of fresh blood. And then there is a cleaning lady at an airport cleaning up the blood of an assassinated politician with newspaper that stubbornly sticks to the blood on the floor.

You may see the trailer here https://vimeo.com/759234448

“Nuestra Pelicula” has its international premiere at DOC NYC taking place November 9-27. The film is geoblocked so only those in the United States can watch online but rest assured the film will be making its way around the globe. Its European premiere will be in Bilbao. You can check the film’s website for showing details http://dublinfilms.fr/en/portfolio/nuestra-pelicula/

“The Penniless Pensioner : Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous :Chapter 4: My Displeasure with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing and Why the Term “Penniless Pensioner”

Excuse me for interrupting the flow of this modern disjunctivist autobiography but my publisher Wuhan Wet Market Publishing (WWMP) insists, and they have the contractual right to do so, that I not delve into significant details as to my name “Penniless Pensioner” in the early parts of the autobiography. My view dear reader is that you should know so I now have permission to impart some basic details only. Quite frankly I do not know how I have been saddled with this name.

It is my “collaborator” and friend Robert K. Stephen who created my name and given that I am not a pensioner nor am I, at least at this moment, penniless I had to pick his brain for how he derived this cockamamie name!

OK you’ll find out later that I worked as counsel (one amongst many) for Bernie Madoff. I will remind you that I cleaned up a few “questionable situations” for him but only when the chips fell where they did was it apparent to me these situations were questionable. Sort of like Robert Duval playing the role of consigliere in “The Godfather”. There are no horseheads in my bed I assure you. And listen to me carefully no charges against me “stuck” and neither was I disbarred! Legally (and perhaps morally) I did nothing inappropriate.

However Robert K. Stephen in his wine reviews needed a figure or concept to write about his low cost wines and he created me in innocence and good fun as a fictional character but somehow it took off and I am saddled with the name. I have to swallow the lumps with my gravy and the gravy is this book and a tentative movie bearing the name “Penniless Pensioner” which will if it goes ahead star John Travolta red hot off his last film “Paradise City” agrees to play me.

Mr. Stephen says in his mind “Penniless Pensioner” was a logical choice since Bernie Madoff (Not Bernie Saunders) supposedly fleeced pensioners but if they were pensioners they were filthy rich so a loss of a few hundred thousand hardly made them penniless. Yet the moniker “Penniless Pensioner” has a certain cache, doesn’t it? I will suffer the humiliation thank you Mr. Stephen for that but my financial return will be great! If Mr. Stephen was not my friend I would sue his ass off! Yes he has a 50% cut on the sales of my autobiography and the film should it be made. I suppose a shark needs a remora.

OK back to the story and all this crap about the bambino I once was.

“Travels to a Different Time” : 9September2022: Thessaloniki Greece: Yet Another Stupendous Meal

Up today at 07:30 after a restless sleep. Breakfast in the cozy breakfast room of Hotel Daios Luxury Living. The service is prompt and usually spot on but I asked for some more hot water for my tea but a pot of coffee was brought instead. Although I refrain from eating farmed raised salmon due to the destruction it is causing to the wild salmon fishing stock in Canada I couldn’t resist having a few slabs over a freshly baked kooloura which is a skinny type bagel loaded with sesame seeds. There are predominately couples in the breakfast room and tattoo free today. I have become a tattoo watcher now!

Breakfast at Hotel Daios Luxury Living in Thessaloniki (Photo Robert K. Stephen)

After breakfast a visit to the Thessaloniki Museum of Photography on the wharf of the Old Port. The exhibit was called “Fred Boissonnas and the Mediterranean A Photographic Odyssey”. It was an exhibition “journey” to the significant photographic work of the famous Swiss photographer based on the collections of the Library of Geneva and the Central Library of Aristotle University of Thessaloniki. It captured his photography between 1903-1930. Although this is Greece of a different era his photographs capture in part the modern Greek identity. You must know the past to understand the future.

Next it was nearby to see some modern photography at the MOMUS Experimental Center for the Arts . Provocative and imaginary works.

Both these museums are located on the wharf of the Old Port. They are modern and architecturally well executed and they are quiet.

Unfortunately, a large cruise ship had docked this morning but I suppose these museums are to artsy for the cruise crowd that loves its butter pats in Mickey Mouse design and the midnight chocolate buffet. These cruise ships have ruined Venice, Dubrovnik, Lisbon and Porto and now they have set their sights on Thessaloniki. Come see Thessaloniki before it is ruined by the cruise lines!

Took advantage of the free mini bar at the hotel and had a Coke in those neat small glass bottles. Read some Ana Karenin and only on page 321 of 890. Fotini had a sleep and I read on the balcony. Off to meet Fotini’s cousins at the Pirgos (White Tower) so we could head out for dinner at the very traditional Kafeneio Pyrgos with most tables outside. Unlike the youngsters downing coffee and cocktails throughout the city there are some “mature” elements to the patrons here. There was Ouzo, Tsipuro and Moschofilero white wine to drink. A stupendous meal of deep fried zucchini strips, mussels, octopus, calamari, gavros (smelts), tomato salad, fries and eggplant dip. Finished off at one in the morning. As for entertainment there was a table of 50 apparently from a radio station. One of the party was shouting and yelling about something causing one woman to storm out.

RKS Film: “Missing”: Japanese Serial Killer on the Loose!

“Missing” starts with what looks like a simple linear plot but devolves into the present being overtaken by the past to resurface back in the present. People are often not what they appear to be initially. The innocent are guilty. Murder, backstabbing and double dealing lead the way.

There is a serial killer on the loose in Japan chopping up his victims and putting them in picnic coolers. Santoshi (Jiro Sato) claims to have seen suspected serial killer No Name (NN) (Hiroya Shimizu) on a train ride who removed his mask and started biting his nails. There is a three million Yen reward for information leading to the discovery of this suspected killer his pictures being circulated in the media. Santoshi has a young elementary school daughter Kaeda (Aoi Ito). He is a widower. After his statement he has seen the killer Santoshi disappears. Santoshi is in debt and was recently apprehended as a shoplifter so the police think he has skipped town and make no effort to find him leaving that task up to Kaeda. Kaeda shows great tenacity and bravery in trying to apprehend the killer which she thinks may lead to the discovery of her father. Yes so the scenario is set. Endangered Santoshi, ferocious Kaeda and a lone wolf serial killer NN.

Now the film jumps backward in time. At this point I can’t tell you much more as I will ruin the plot. But I can give you a head’s up.

  • Kaeda tracks down NN who attempts to strangle her but is interrupted and flees
  • NN it would seem may have noble intentions and goals
  • You will be surprised who NN teams up with
  • Can assisted suicide be a training ground for a serial killer?
  • Who double deals in this film!
  • Who thinks they have committed the perfect crime?
  • Who turns in NN’s partner in crime and is the vengeance behind it misguided?

So aside from the solving of this mess and the challenges it presents the viewer with subtopics of assisted suicide, police incompetence, murder based on social media desperation and the false morality behind serial killings.

You surely will be floored by who turns in an initially compassionate man into a potential killer worse than the original serial killer. Sato and Shimizu are compelling. Ito as a child actor s magnificent.

The film opens in major US cities on November 4th and a VOD/cable release in the US and Canada on November 18th including iTunes/Apple, Amazon, Google Play, Microsoft, YouTube, Vudu, Comcast, Xfinity, Spectrum, Verizon Fios, Cox, Direct TV and many more.

The film is just over two hours in Japanese with English subtitles. It is directed by Shinzô Katayma.

You can see the trailer here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbcLFX66I_I

Alfred Hitchcock would be proud of this thriller!

RKS Film Rating 91/100.

RKS Wine: Visiting the Man with the Big Head’s Winery

While staying at The Woodbourne Inn in St. Davids in the Niagara region in early November I expressed some reluctance to visit Chateau de Charmes winery a 5-minute drive away due to its Disneyland appearance and its less than stellar wines. It also has room for tourist buses! My friends at the Woodbourne Inn suggested visit the winery owned by a man with a big head, Andrzej Lipinski. He was a man with a big head and proud of it so he named a winery in honour of his big head. As one family member tells me I have a big head perhaps it was time to visit with my big-headed kin.

The tasting area with tanks in the background (Photo: Robert K. Stephen)

The winery was in the midst of putting the finishing touches on its new premises with tasting facilities and tanks and vats right behind the tasting room. An open concept tasting room if you like. Very impressive indeed. The wines were on the expensive side for those with a modest budget. Most of the wines were only available at the winery and online.

I asked to try the Chenin Blanc as that grape is rare in Ontario. Most of the Chenin Blanc these days is from South Africa and France. So it was with great curiosity I asked to try the Chenin Blanc being somewhat disappointed the man with the big head was not at the winery.

The wine is 24 karats golden in colour. The aroma presents apple, pear, pineapple and some mango. On the palate tropical prevails with pineapple upside down cake, peach, apricot with some creaminess. Impressive control of acidity makes this a borderline big wine. If peaches were in season pizza topped with peaches, mango and chicken would be perfect. As peaches are no longer in season it would suit a cauliflower and cod curry as local cauliflower can still be had. Pick a big-headed cauliflower to match this Big Head wine!

(Big Head 2020 Chenin Blanc, Big Head Wines, Niagara-on-the-Lake, $24.80, 750 mL, 13.5%, RKS Wine Rating 91/100).

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 3: Juanita Wallabong’s Farewell Tour

When I was 14 years old my mother Juanita no longer wanted to give live performances as the anxiety that caused her was overwhelming even with those “Mother’s Little Helpers” otherwise known as Xanax and the live performances only encouraged her to revive that past habit of Gin.

Despite the anxiety she wanted to give her fans one last performance on the stage on the condition I accompany her after my school term at King’s School for Young Men concluded in mid May. Juanita was concerned with my insular upbringing in the lap of wealth and British colonialism and firmly believed my exposure to the world would open my eyes and rid my provincialism.

So 65 performances were arranged in North America and Europe with three in Japan and two in China. Juanita was not a superstar as her genre “Bombay Blues” was not fully appreciated commercially. So the venues would be in smaller theatres and concert halls instead of in arenas and big open fields. Her audience was an older set.

This was exciting for me escaping Bombay to the big wide world. Her record company Mumbai Marvellous had chartered a small jet from Sobranj Airlines to take her on the farewell tour. So off we went starting with a performance in San Francisco. Super cool with the Golden Gate Bridge, Haight Ashbury, Fisherman’s Wharf and Alcatraz. I really enjoyed our day trip to Napa Valley especially our private tasting at Biale Vineyards where we had Black Chicken Zinfandel. During prohibition when temperance laden America enacted Prohibition Biale Vineyards did sell wine to those customers knocking on the door wanted some black chickens for their dinner. Well black chicken was the code name for bottles of wine. Alcatraz was awesome. Haight Ashbury and its dope smoking hippies and free sex was an eye opener. My dad could have made a fortune selling dope to these upper middle class hippie types. And the Vietnam War added a dose of reality.

The real fanfare for my mother was in Nashville at the Grand Ole Opry which she sold out for two performances. We have lots of Holy Shrines in India and as far as country music and the blues the Grand Ole Opry was a shrine! We met a rather fat and puffy and inebriated man called Elvis Parsley I think his name was.

There was Sioux City, Denver, Detroit, New York, Toronto, Wa Wa, Winnipeg and Cornwall to name a few. Yes I saw the world and developed a love for hamburgers, milkshakes, Kraft Dinner, Moose Meat, popcorn, apples and ample pornography on hotel room channels. A young man’s dreams coming true.

Europe was less gregarious than North America especially in France where Mom was warmly received as India’s Billie Holiday. On night in Paris a famous blue’s musician B.B. King insisted he play a couple of sets with Juanita. I love French cuisine with its heavy sauces but boy the French ignore vegetables!

Yes my ignorant little eyes were penned discovering a world outside Bombay. It made me cognizant of differing cultures, attitudes, foods and taste in music. I had the time of my life. I had matured in a very big hurry.