I AM FINALLY BACK HOME IN TORONTO: I AM FINALLY BACK HOME IN TORONTO

I AM FINALLY BACK HOME IN TORONTO

We had a brief en route stop at the Royal Military College in Kingston, Ontario. The senior commanding officer gave a “rousing speech” about “the incredible bravery of Rory Dylan Stephen” as so said the Kingston Whig Standard. Photo ops and being patted (how archaic) on the head by the cadets. The young ladies were quite attracted to yours truly and Raffles.

Off to Chez Piggy in Kingston for an early dinner.

An hour later on the way to Toronto we paid a surprise visit to my Godfather, Mr. G. with his summer estate located in Prince Edward County. I scarcely remember him but he was most thrilled to see all of us. He asked if he could also be a godfather to Raffles and I barked my royal assent to that suggestion.

Finally around the dinner hour at home! I always knew, or perhaps deluded myself, I would return to Toronto. I could have been blown up searching for landmines in Cambodia or on the Eastern & Oriental Express.

Exhilaration at my return with unexplained foreboding. Strange having both joy and sadness. What’s this about?

Off for a walk with Raffles and my goodness all the neighbours were blown over by seeing a neighbourhood based international celebrity and hero.

Grrrr…this hero stuff again!

Raffles was overwhelmed. He has a family. He has me. He has the dogs of the hood. No more kissing up to guests arriving at the Raffles Singapore that didn’t deserve the time of day and those naughty sprogs pulling his tail. And arrogant idiots like the Sultan of Palumbia.

I have a big job facing me. Although Raffles is a few years older than me, he is a Singaporean Westie. A working Westie. A Westie without a family. I must transition him into life in suburban Toronto.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: DINNER WITH THE PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA: BEING USED YET AGAIN

DINNER WITH THE PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA: BEING USED YET AGAIN

Being somewhat sick and tired of limousines all of us took Ottawa Transit to the Prime Minister’s residence.

Bedraggled and besieged Prime Minster of Canada Thomas Bankboy battling the aggression and hot tornadic air of President Orville Grump of the United States. Annexation. Tariffs. Insults. Threats. Inanities. Puffery.

Bankboy was most interested in hearing about my time with Prime Minister Wong of Singapore with whom he just talked with about a free trade agreement between Singapore and Canada.

Bankboy thanked me for my service to Canada and said I would be the first dog in Canada to receive an Order of Canada appointment. What have I done for Canada? Again as with the Singaporeans I am a symbol of resistance to American imperialism? I picked up that neat term “imperialism” in my recent set of meetings in Beijing!

He knew well the plans afoot for a Canada China Friendship tour which he said would inspire Canadians from coast to coast.

Damn it. I am still a puppy. How can I inspire millions of Canadians not being a hockey player?

I am being used and I sense it is for a “good cause”.

Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Keith Moon died for the music. Was that a good cause?

My sense was Bankboy wanted a meet and greet to ensure if this tour occurred, I was a solid Tim Horton’s canine who would not embarrass Canada.

As Raffles was part of that tour Bankboy was concerned he might nip a poor innocent Chinese primary school student during the tour but his fears were allayed when Bob explained the cruelty of the Sultan of Palumbia. He chortled upon hearing how I had pooped near the Sultan’s luggage and he stepped in it dragging dog feces through the lobby of Raffles Singapore making a horrible stink.

Bankboy barbequed beautiful grass-fed Alberta beef burgers of which Raffles and I delighted in as well as a half of a PEI baked potato and green beans from his wife’s garden.

Bankboy arranged to drive us back to Toronto tomorrow morning with “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind a brief stop in Kingston, Ontario to meet our fine young men and women of the Royal Military College.”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: WE ARRIVE SAFELY IN OTTAWA:  TODAY DEBRIEFING WITH CSIS: TOMORROW DINNER WITH THE PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA

WE ARRIVE SAFELY IN OTTAWA:  TODAY DEBRIEFING WITH CSIS: TOMORROW DINNER WITH THE PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA

We arrived in Ottawa just past midnight. We experienced severe turbulence over Murmansk causing poor Raffles to puke up a storm. Poor guy has never been on a plane.

I could have kissed the tarmac as we left the plane just like the Pope but nature called and I am not kissing where I pee thank you.

Our Chinese friends took us in their Mercedes van and dropped us off at the Chateau Laurier. Not as ritzy as the Singapore Shangri-La but not bad.

Everyone crashed totally exhausted and Raffles and I enjoyed our little beds given to us in Beijing by our hosts. That little hammer and sickle patch on the beds make them truly a piece of Marxist magic!

As is often the case after long days of travelling one believes a deep and restful sleep will be the order of the day. Not so. Toss and turn.

At 11:00 hours an agent of the Canadian Security Information Services (CSIS) was to pick us up at the hotel and take us to CSIS headquarters on Sparks Street in Ottawa.

I will admit great disappointment with our buffet breakfast. Pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon, roast potatoes, baked beans and all manner of carbohydrates. No congee. No dim sum. No noodles. No papaya. No soups. And such a plethora of fat people unlike the Asians I have been living with in the past couple of months. A gold mine for Ozempic!

Fay detests buffets. Gluttony unlimited she says. Bob loves the concept but can’t put the grub down like he used to. He recounted over our breakfast as a child of 6 or 7 living in Pointe Claire, Quebec he would go down to the old village and eat a buffet dinner with his family at the El Paso. He once had seven bowls of canned fruit salad. Such gluttony Fay lamented!

At CSIS a bunch of serious stuffed shirts as I was queried about my adventures which I will not repeat here. They admitted Keith, our Eastern & Oriental Express butler was a CSIS agent and that CSIS was aware of some nefarious plan to annex Canada by the United States but had no details.

Two hours of mundane questions left me bored. As a “gift” Raffles and I received a cheap chew toy. No wonder these turkeys missed Operation EPIC Turkey. If they can’t understand sophisticated West Highland Terriers, do you think they could unveil a dastardly political plan of President Orville Grump of the United States.

I nearly died in that Eastern & Oriental Express bombing by “unmarked fighter jets” and Raffles was close to Sultanic execution by the Sultan of Palumbia, and we get a pat on the head and a $14.99 Kong chew toy!

The fighter jets were F-18’s and were traced by the Singaporeans to a United States Airforce base in the Philippines. No one believed the Eastern & Oriental Express bombing was the act of Amira “the Malay terrorist”. Rather it was an attack by American terrorists.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: OH NO THE TWO BUDWEISER SWILLING, HAMBURGER AND KETCHUP MEN FROM THE EASTERN & ORIENTAL EXPRESS!

OH NO THE TWO BUDWEISER SWILLING, HAMBURGER AND KETCHUP MEN FROM THE EASTERN & ORIENTAL EXPRESS!

There is no better way to start the day with chicken congee which both Raffles and I devoured with gusto.

Raffles is a gregarious Westie as I know him but interacting with Bob and Fay he is a shy fellow. Gotta work on that we have returned to Toronto.

After breakfast into a limo to the Beijing Capital International Airport for transport on a Chinese government jet bound for Ottawa with a refuelling stop in Hawaii. Our fellow passengers are families of Chinese diplomats in Ottawa visiting their loved ones.

An uneventful flight so far as we touch down in Honolulu at the Daniel K. Inouye International Airport. While the jet is refuelling and a new flight plan is being filed with air traffic controllers, we board a bus to the private jet waiting lounge. Raffles and I need to you know what.

Once in the lounge we are given permission to go do our business on the tarmac just outside the lounge.

Raffles and I along with Bob head out the door. OH SHIT and Double SHIT! The two Budweiser swilling and Hamburger and Ketchup men I had seen on the Eastern & Oriental Express days ago are looking at me straight in the eyes. Those are the men that were permitted to leave the train shortly before it was bombed by those unmarked jets. Not only that but they were picked up outside the Woodlands train station in Singapore by Surburbans used at the American embassy in Singapore.

They said, “Welcome to the greatest country on earth Bob and your mange infested mutts. Coming from cozying up with those commies in Peking? Their armies of peasants are flooding America with cheap and shoddy goods and America won’t stand for it. Our supreme leader wants to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. Get the Fuck out of America. And one of your filthy dogs bit the Sultan of Palumbia at Raffles Singapore. He is a close friend of President Orville Grump and a key ally of the United States. By the way, when Canada becomes our 51st state we will be looking for you so we can string you up and watch you swing.”

These louts sprayed all of us with water and threatened us with their truncheons as we gingerly stepped backwards into the lounge. Our fellow passengers were outraged and two of them had filmed the entire incident which was another interesting story for global news.

Disgusted with our reception the jet took off for Ottawa. Hopefully those two fuckers didn’t plant a bomb in it!

RKS French Literature: Quasimodo Generally Hated (Victor Hugo)

We have already shown that Quasimodo was generally hated – for more than one good reason, it is true. There was hardly a spectator among the crowd but either had or thought he had some cause or complaint against the malevolent hunchback of Notre-Dame. The joy at seeing him appear thus in the pillory had been universal; and the harsh punishment he had just undergone, and the piteous plight in which it had left him, far from softening the hearts of the populace, had but rendered their hatred more malicious, by aiming it with the sting of mirth.

Accordingly, “public vengeance” as the legal jargon still styles it once satisfied, a thousand private spites now had their turn.

Victor Hugo, “The Hunchback of Notre-Dame”

RKS French Literature: Quasimodo and the Bells of Notre Dame (Victor Hugo)

This was the only speech that he could hear, the only sound that broke for him the universal silence. He expanded in it, like a bird in the sunshine. All at once the frenzy of the bell would seize him, his look became wild – he lay in wait for the great bell as a spider for a fly and then flung himself headlong upon it. Now, suspended over the abyss, borne to and fro by the formidable swinging of the bell, he seized the brazen monster by the ears – gripped it with his knees – spurred it with his heels – and redoubled, with the shock and the weight of his body, the fury of the peal. Meanwhile the tower trembled; he shouted and gnashed his teeth – his red hair bristled – his breast heaved and puffed like the bellows of a forge – his eye flashed fire – the monstrous bell neighed panting beneath him. Then it was no longer either the great bell of Notre Dame or Quasimodo – it was a dream – a whirl – dizziness upon clamour – a strange centaur, half man, half bell – a spirit clinging to a winged monster….

Victor Hugo, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: OUR MEETING WITH THE CHINESE DEPUTY SECRETARY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS AND THE CANADIAN AMBASSADOR TO CHINA

OUR MEETING WITH THE CHINESE DEPUTY SECRETARY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS AND THE CANADIAN AMBASSADOR TO CHINA

At 10:00 hours a large black limousine arrived at our hotel, the Chosin Reservoir Memorial Veterans’ Hotel and whisked us to a nondescript building where our meeting with the Deputy Director of Foreign Affairs, his assistants and Mr. Won Ton, the Canadian Ambassador to China.

Best to refer to Bob’s notes on the meeting;

Present:

Ma Jhong (Deputy Secretary Foreign Affairs China)

Mr. Wu (Assistant Bureaucrat)

Mr. Tan (Assistant Bureaucrat)

Mr. Clan (Assistant Bureaucrat)

Bob

Fay

Rory Dylan Stephen

Raffles

Introduction:

Mr. Jhong poured tea for all. Mr. Jhong expressed in a gentle tone irritants to the Chinese people caused by Canadian actions the strongest being the unlawful imprisonment of Meng Wanzhou the CFO of Huawei Technologies in Vancouver in 2013. Time to repair and strengthen Sino Canadian relationship.

China enamoured with Rory Dylan Stephen’s adventures. Like a small once defenceless China surrounded by criminal bullies he survived and with courage and bravery helped expose the tyranny and despotism of US President Orville Grump in US operation Epic Turkey. Our intelligence sources have advised me of Bob and Fay’s adoption of Raffles after his courageous attack on the Sultan of Palumbia in Singapore extorting the workers of the world by hoarding his precious output of Mooky bird droppings. China’s masses will soon hear of this courageous attack and valiant effort to secure this valuable oncological resource.

Proposed 7 city tour of China entirely at expense of the government of China. Tour called China Canadian Friendship Tour. Raffles and Rory centerpiece. High speed rail transport. Best hotels.

Agenda to be finalized but a focus on primary schools, play sessions with Rory and Raffles, meeting with local officials and animal welfare organizations.

Canadian and Chinese politics not to be discussed.

Intended some focus given on the falsity of the Chinese devouring vast quantities of dog meat.

No more than one television appearance each day.

One cuddle session by Rory and Raffles with the President of China to last no longer than 15 minutes

Contribution of 300,000 USD by China to an animal welfare organization in China or Hong Kong as selected by Bob after tour concluded. Licensing deal for Raffles/Rory merchandise may be negotiated after this tour.

Final details to be negotiated through Chinese embassy in Ottawa.

After the meeting all of us went to Chez Bethune for a French-Chinese infusion cuisine lunch with lots of lightly flavoured chicken for Raffles and me.

Tomorrow we will fly on a Chinese government jet bringing families of Chinese diplomats in Ottawa for a visit. There will be a refuelling stop in Hawaii!  

WE ARE ON OUR WAY HOME TO TORONTO!

RKS French Literature: Quasimodo and Notre Dame Cathedral as One (Victor Hugo)

Thus it was that his being, gradually unfolding, took its mould from the cathedral – living there – sleeping there – scarcely ever going out of it – receiving every hour its mysterious impress – he came at length to resemble it, to be fashioned like it, to make an integral part of it. He might almost be said to have taken its form, as the snail takes that of its shell. It was his dwelling place – his hole – his envelope. There existed between the old church himself an instinctive sympathy so profound – so many affinities, magnetic and material – that he in some sort adhered to it, like the tortoise to its shell.

Victor Hugo, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: RAFFLES THE WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER GREETER AND RAT HUNTER AT RAFFLES SINGAPORE DEMOTED TO A RESCUE DOG

RAFFLES THE WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER GREETER AND RAT HUNTER AT RAFFLES SINGAPORE DEMOTED TO A RESCUE DOG

Raffles is a Singaporean West Highland Terrier who acts as a greeter at Raffles Singapore and a rat hunter too! You’d be surprised where you might see a rat at a swanky hotel like Raffles Singapore.

The evening before our departure which was shortly after our walk with Raffles at Fort Canning Park, Raffles Singapore was welcoming a very special guest, the Sultan of Palumbia. The Sultan was from Palumbia an island and rat hole off the coast of Malaysia. Palumbia was the breeding ground for the Mooky bird. An ordinary looking squawker of a bird with the personality of spokesperson for the Orville Grump White House, meaning nasty.

Modern science had discovered that Mooky bird droppings are a powerful cancer fighting drug. Not quite a cure but almost. Palumbia and its Sultan were rolling in dough as shit merchants. Singapore was putting on a big diplomatic show for the Sultan in order to secure an allotment of Mooky bird shit.

The Sultan greeted Raffles with a kick calling him a filthy cur. Then he spat on him with some foul-smelling juice of a red nut he was masticating in his mouth and spilling all over his robes. Raffles, disgusted, offended and bruised nipped at the Sultan’s ankle who was equally disgusted, offended and bruised. He roared, “Get that flea invested infidel to the courtyard where I will remove its head!

Being informed by Raffles Singapore hotel management execution of dogs, a flourishing type of entertainment in Palumbia, was illegal in Singapore  the Sultan demanded Raffles be deported from Singapore if it wanted any of Palumbia’s miracle bird shit.

Bob, hearing about this unfortunate commotion and knowing my friendship with Raffles, quickly consulted with Fay about adopting Raffles and the deal was signed. He would be coming with us to Beijing the following morning. Raffles had no family and slept in a small room by the kitchen. Friends to many but not part of any real family.

As a token of my appreciation, I left a stinking mushy and pungent load near the Sultan’s suitcase which he stepped in dragging all about the hotel lobby creating an awful stink! Shit meets a shit.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: RORY INVITED TO THE PEOPLES’ REPUBLIC OF CHINA FOR A FRIENDSHIP TOUR

RORY INVITED TO THE PEOPLES’ REPUBLIC OF CHINA FOR A FRIENDSHIP TOUR

We were having a leisurely breakfast in our suite at Raffles Singapore. Bob was planning a walk in some nearby park with plenty of shade. We had invited Raffles the Westie greeter at the hotel to join us.

Over a pot of jasmine tea, a favourite of Bob and mine too, he received a call from the Canadian ambassador to China, Mr. Won Ton. I repeatedly heard Bob emphatically stating, “No way sir. Rory has been through enough. It’s time to click those red sparkly shoes and make a wish to be back in Toronto.”

Fifteen minutes later after this ambassadorial rejection Bob received a call from the Prime Minster of Canada and lo and behold the Canadian embassy in Beijing would be sending a jet to transport us to Beijing to discuss a possible Friendship Tour with the Canadian ambassador to China and the Deputy Premier of China.

 Bob summed up the call with the Prime Minister by saying due to the political and economic extortion attempts against Canadian society and its economy relations between Canada and China must urgently be repaired. Hog farmers and canola producers required unfettered access to the Chinese market. There were numerous thorns in the relationship that required smoothing over and a goodwill visit to select Chinese cities by Rory Dylan Stephen a brave Canadian Westie would be a step in the right direction. Bob cited the United States in 2018 pressuring to detain Meng Wanzhou the CFO of Huawei Technologies which in a spirit of “co-operation” between Canada and the United States was a massive mistake by Canada. Do a favour for an ally and then get shitted on by it.

I am confused about my “bravery” in all this abduction rigmarole. All I reckon is that as cute White Highland Terrier puppy in the midst of a maelstrom I attracted global attention. Attention for being a victim? Was it a bit of a competition between Singapore and China as Singapore awarded a medal of valour to me now China wanted to join the bandwagon and honour me.

A Canadian manufactured Bombardier executive jet would arrive to pick us up at noon the following day.

Lordy smordy it looks like I am going to be used yet again.