Spoof News Services: United States Department of Homeland Paranoia Labels Canadian Booing of U.S. National Anthem an Act of Terrorism: Arlington, Virginia: 16February2025

Cristal “Hee Haw” Numbhead, the Secretary of the United States Department of Homeland Paranoia, said in Washington today Canadians booing the United States anthem on 15February2025 at Montreal’s Molson’s Arena at a hockey match between Canada and the United States in the Four Nations Face-Off Series amounted to an act of terrorism against the United States and should be referred to as a St. Valentine Day Massacre.

Numbhead stated, “The willful acts of the citizens of the 51st state are treasonous and an afront to America’s Golden Age where all will fear America making it great again. Should this continue Canada will be placed on a list of terrorist groups. Our government knows the culprits as our Special Advisor and his team of techs, known as “The House Cleaners” have access to the National Hockey League database with all personal information on the Canadian spectators. We have asked Montreal Mayor Malerie Lafern to prepare a detention centre for the anthem booers at the mothballed Expo 67 site.”

The Canadian Minister of Canadian Purity responded saying the booing was not the act of true Canadians against their friendly neighbour to the south but rather an act of North Korean agent provocateurs. A statement from the Ministry blamed unemployed North Korean soldiers fighting in the Ukraine conflict hired by Iranian security forces as manipulating the innocent Canadian fans. Apparently hundreds of discarded kimchi containers with “Proudly Made in North Korea” were found in a security sweep of the Arena after the match.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Film: “Lucky Star”: Down the Rabbit Hole Again?

Harold “Lucky” Lee (Terry Chen) resides in Calgary, Alberta with his wife Noel (Olivia Cheng) and daughters Grace (Connie Miu) and Jenny.

Lucky recently purchased an electronic repair business and is heavily leveraged. And his accountant, and long-time friend, advises him he owes the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) $15,000 in taxes. After Lucky receives a threatening call from CRA advising him a lien on his property will only be lifted if he makes an immediate partial payment of $10,000. Being a good taxpayer and fearful of a damaged credit rating he obtains an “instant loan” from a storefront loan shop wiring the funds to the CRA. A slight problem though as CRA calls him shortly after making the payment to discuss the $15,000 tax bill. Lucky is the victim of a classic scam i.e. where urgency and threats abound.

Lucky has a gambling problem and there may be hints throughout the film it has been in the past but as the film opens with Lucky (pre CRA scam) in a casino the hints may be red herrings. Lucky is charming and an excellent liar hiding money throughout the house and borrowing from Grace. He is perpetually short of funds and borrowing. Grace, a university student, secretly lends Lucky money. He stoops so low as to scam his accountant friend of $2,600 to rescue his car from the pound for unpaid parking tickets and fines yet he already paid the outstanding amount.

With his web of lies crumbling Lucky is back to high stakes “private” poker games to pay his debts. He wins a large sum of money but how much he owes and to whom is never described in the film. His lies have caught up with him and a frustrated Noel tosses him out of the house.

Is Lucky back on the straight and narrow he may never has been on? Grace has graduated and has a boyfriend. The entire family has a peaceful dinner at their favourite restaurant. Noel accepts Lucky’s out for a coffee invitation. Are things on the up and up? Who knows? That gives the film credibility and strong passing marks from me.

Strong performances from Chen, Cheng and Miu. Such a happy and good-looking family it seems. But a gambling addiction hides behind the facade.

Directed by Gillian McKercher.

RKS 2025 Canadian Film Rating 86/100.

Spoof News Services: Canadian Play “Come from Away” Removed from Stage as a Result of Trumpgression: Sequel Planned: Markdale, Ontario: 15February2025

Squeamish Productions of Kinmount, Ontario today announced the closure of the Canadian play “Come from Away” due to “hostile audience behavior”.

“Come From Away” is the maudlin production manufactured to make suburban audiences glow with warmth. It “celebrates the joy of humanity” according to Creedy Zomberg president of Squeamish Productions. Zomberg stated, “Canadian audiences booed vociferously and hurled popcorn when in the production Newfieganders treated American passengers stranded with the 9/11 global grounding of flights with incredible kindness and compassion. There is a huge amount of animosity towards Americans here in Canada now resulting from Trumpgression towards Canada. We launched an extensive advertising campaign to attract audiences back to this wonderful play but that was a gargantuan mistake only augmenting hostility against the production.”

Spoof News Services has learnt a sequel to “Come from Away” will be named “Go Away and Stay Away” and will be modernized to transcend the reeking sentimentality of “Come from Away”. Characters such as Horny Daniels, Howie Sputnik, Mug Ford, Steve Bannanman, Ergon Musty, Candy Westgame, Kim Jong Umster, Baldy Putin and Cristal “Yee Haw” Numbhead will spice up and politicize how badly manipulated Newfieganders were and betrayed by President Trump whose effigy will be set on fire during the closing number.

Spoof’s exclusive behind the scenes look at the preproduction process for “Go Away and Stay Away”

It is expected “Go Away and Stay Away” will be opening up at Niagara-on-the-Lake’ Simcoe Park’s bandstand on 1July2025 after the Canada Day Parade and cake cutting ceremony.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine: Can’t do Cabernet Franc right then go home!

I was taken aback reading the description of Peller Estates Private Reserve 2020 Cabernet Franc in the 5February2025 Liquor Control Board of Ontario’s Vintages catalogue, “For those in the know, Cabernet Franc is one of the hush hush superstars of the Ontario wine scene.” Superstar yes. Hush Hush? Was it ever hush hush? Well debatable but given the veer off from American wine inspired by Trumpgression perhaps if Cabernet Franc is hush hush in Ontario it shall no longer be so.

As far as I am concerned if you can’t do Cabernet Franc right in Ontario time to go home.

Aroma: Intense and seemingly creamy black fruit and with heavy blueberry and black currant accents. Hints of French oak. Not a bad replacement for mass produced Cali Cabernet Sauvignon. Bye Bye California wines. Hello Ontario and British Columbia wines.

Palate: More tannins than expected in an Ontario Cabernet Franc but then again Ontario has been working Cabernet Franc so right for so long different styles do exist. A good solid structure and the fruit kicks in on the back palate just when you thought it had escaped across the river from The-Niagara-on-the-Lake Golf Club to Fort George in New York State. Short finish with a black currant kick.

Personality: I am not a Niagara Light low cal Cabernet Franc. Think of me as Doug Ford swinging a big verbal stick to tough guy Trump.

Cellarbility: Drinking good up to 2029 but 2026 and 2027 might be the Prime of Miss Jean Brodie for this wine.

Food Match: A Waterfront Burger at the Waterfront Restaurant at The Niagara-on-the-Lake Golf Club but ask them to chill it just a bit. The last red wine I had at the Waterfront was room temperature on a roasting hot summer day.

Price: $26.55 CDN.

RKS 2025 Canadian Wine Rating: 92/100.

(Peller Estates Private Reserve 2022 Cabernet Franc, VQA Niagara Peninsula, Peller Estates, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, 750 mL, 13.9%).

The Return of the Penniless Pensioner: Chapter Eight: A Dictator Grooms America: The Enemy at the Gates

Essential for a dictator’s grip on power are the drooling fangs of an enemy ready to tear the fabric of established society to pieces. The Nazi’s had a variety of enemies including Jews, Romas, Slavs, communists and homosexuals.

An enemy of the nation state may cause the rallying of the masses behind a leader that can protect them and if you do not support that leader, you are an enemy of the masses. It makes little difference if they are actually enemies. What matters is if the dictator can convince or intimidate the masses to believe the enemy is real and threatening.

Oran Crapaud, the President of the United States, had a bucketful of enemies which included prosecutors hot on his trail for criminal acts and cover-ups of stormy dalliances, caravans of migrants, CNN, Canadians, Greenlanders, Panamanians, Democrats, fentanyl, trade imbalances, The Pope, NATO, The United Nations, The CIA, The FBI, transgenders, pro-abortionists and Gavin Newscum the governor of California.

The more time expended combatting Crapaud’s enemies the less time ferreting out what he was up to.

If you were not lending your support to fighting Crapaud’s enemies you were the enemy. It was a black and white world in the United States as you were either for or against.

RKS 2025 Film: “Eat the Night”: Video Game Unreality Intersects with Actual Brutal Reality

Pablo (Théo Cholbi) and sister Apolline (Lila Gueneau) are enamored with a medievalist violent and brutal video game Dark Noon. Decapitation, slashing and all matter of normalized violence. As one’s murderous on-screen rampage claims more victims and the player survives one’s skill rating increases. A perfect world of violence which 17-year-old Apolline appears lost in.

Pablo has faded away from the juvenility of Dark Noon as his low level “chemical” manufacture and distribution of MDM and the like has attracted Night (Erwan Kepoa Falé) as a partner and bisexual lover generating some steamy cavorting and has also angered an organized gang of dealers.

The reality of Pablo and Night becomes increasingly violent with the organized gang whose turf they have violated. In this real and painful world blood flows.

The real-life plot is tiresome, mundane and hardly novel or gritty. The video game plot is also very videogamish. The intersection of the two plots although simple and not particularly well developed has worthy CGI particularly when Apolline and Pablo play themselves in the video game. The intersection between video game fantasy and reality makes “Dark Noon” an interesting but not compelling watch unless of course you attend Comicon on a regular basis.

I prefer the 2011 Polish film “Suicide Room” for a more riveting view of the destructive unreality of video games.

This French film is directed by Caroline Poggi and Jonathan Vinel.

Its Canadian theatrical release commences 19February2025.

RKS 2025 Film Rating 68/100.

Spoof News Services: Trump Dolls Parachuted Over the United States: Washington: 13January2025

The White House reported today thousands of Trump dolls were parachuted into “Red States” yesterday evening. A string is pulled on the doll and the following phrases can be heard, “Stolen Election”, “Make America Great Again”, “The Golden Age”, “Drill Baby Drill” and “He’s a wonderful guy. Really Wonderful!

No group has claimed responsibility although the dolls are tagged “Made in America”.

The White House reported that Cristal “Yee Haw” Numbhead Secretary of Homeland Paranoia was “hot on the case”.

The Return of the Penniless Pensioner: Chapter Seven: A Dictator Grooms America: To Dream the Impossible Dream

The Storm Troopers may have failed to deliver a coup d’etat on 6January2021 to the defeated President Oran Crapaud but that was destiny. The rag tag hysterical bunch was too disorganized and poorly armed. But they propped up the foundation of a powerful myth of the “Stolen Election” a great injustice to Crapaud and for that matter the majority of Americans deprived of their right to vote. So dramatic! Such a swindle that deserved a fist salute from a wannabe dictator and some upside-down bible waving.

Then the intertwined MAGA myth of Make America Great Again and The Golden Age, the latter reminiscent of a strip of paper in a Chinese fortune cookie. A harking back to a mythical past almost biblical.

Buttress the myths with tariffs promising the creation of thousands of new paying jobs and revitalizing an end of the ropes steel industry. The question of course was America ever great and if it was then for whom? What did they say in the circus….the bigger the lie the easier it will be believed.

Ontario Progressive Conservative Party and The Liberal Party of Ontario: Stepping in Super Bowl DOO DOO?

The province of Ontario will be having an election 27February2025. All parties in the electoral fracas have expressed concern over the imposition of steep tariffs by executive fiat of President Donald Trump of the United States.

The current Ontario Progressive Conservative Party premier of Ontario, Doug Ford, has pumped up the electoral slogan of “Protect Ontario” in the face of crushing tariffs. Bonnie Crombie, Liberal Party wannabe premier has also expressed concern about the threats faced to Ontarians by the tariffs.

Given this patriotic bent is there any reason why both parties advertised reasons why they should form the next government of Ontario during the Canadian broadcast of a premier American cultural-sporting event knowing President Trump would be in attendance.

The Ontario Liberal Party gave a weak run around reason, “The ads were only played in Ontario and on Canadian news channels. It was an opportunity to increase awareness of this election and of Bonnie’s vision for Ontario.”

The Ontario Progressive Conservative Party gave no answer.

TRUMP AGRESSION TOWARDS CANADA:  Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) Hard At Work Protecting The Interests of Ontario

The Ontario Progressive Conservative Party has “Protect Ontario” as one of its electoral slogans for the upcoming 27February2025 provincial election.

Premier Doug Ford, as his fellow premiers of Canada, has focused on the low hanging and visible fruit of American alcohol particularly bourbon, as a punitive target but has waited to remove all American alcohol off the shelves of the Liquor Control Board of Ontario shelves and in third party retail outlets selling American wine and beer until the tariff situation is resolved.

Yet today a check at an LCBO store has revealed just how hard the LCBO is “depromoting” American bourbon.