The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 17: A Big Shot with a Bachelor of Arts: What Next? The Panacea of Law

I breezed through my Bachelor of Arts programme at McGill University begging the question what was next? In the midst of my political science studies, I noted hordes of political science students slavishly busting their butts day and night in search of high grades to enable entrance into the hugely competitive law school admissions stream. Marks determined the true mettle of a lawyer but the smart ones had mommy and daddy pay big bucks to some dubious charity that built homes for starving Central Americans as that selfless act of “gratuitous labour” was a stellar addition to the resume. Law was the Holy Grail to wealth and respect. Poor buggers I used to think. Academia came to me naturally but many of my fellow students struggled with their courses and even the inability to write a term paper.

As a rich bastard I could have lived a life of luxury anywhere in the world but I had visions of my father Paneer who pulled himself up from poverty to establish a huge commercial enterprise albeit it was founded on dealing hashish to Indian monks and tourists. Ambition can be your best friend or worst enemy.

I applied to McGill Law School and was accepted with my high marks and Indian ancestry that led to an advantage those law school administrators could exploit internationally. I rejected my acceptance to their dismay and delight of those ragged band of political science students who dreamt of what I rejected.

My choice was to work for a year in Montreal and write a novel. So I accepted a position as a casting assistant for the Melanie Blue Talent Agency in Montreal to place, as I was told, leading talent in the emerging Canadian movie industry.

Melanie was a throaty chain-smoking lesbian and a real dandy, Jimbo her “fronting husband” ran the agency which was a two-bit supplier of underwear models for discount chains Zellers and Woolworths. Their lead talent an anorexic Russian who had the talent and body but was “overburdened” by cocaine. It was a fruitless job for me. One day in my best Parisian French I dealt with a client and that French I used was mocked by Connie. I said, my piece and walked out the door.

I focused on writing my novel, “Pirates of the Aegean” around the clock for 6 months pounding on a 1935 typewriter. It was filched from me and picked up by Hollywood and manufactured into a series of billion-dollar films on a pirate. The criminal pirate was the thief who stole my novel. He never was seen after his vacation to Bombay. My friends saw to that.

What was next?

RKS 2025 Wine: More Quiet Whites From Bordeaux

White Bordeaux have an understated quietness to them rejecting flash and bang descriptors. Bordeaux Sauvignon Blanc is entirely demure in comparison to the raucous New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Blending some Sémillon with the Sauvignon Blanc adds honey and marzipan to the aroma and palate although I refer the cleaner Bordeaux Sauvignon Blanc sans blend.

Let’s put a Croix de Marsan AC Bordeaux to the test.

Aroma: Honey, marzipan and wet gravel courtesy of the 30% Sémillon. Peach and caramel. With 70% Sauvignon Blanc the soul of the wine reflects that.

Palate: Diffuse and weak and one wonders where the fruit has gone. Slightly brackish and just a bit bitter! Short and unremarkable finish.

Personality: As to your nose I offer you hope. As to your mouth mostly disappointment.

Price: $12 CDN.

Food Match: Simply prepared lake fish or turbot.

Cellarbility: Consume no later than 2025-year end.

RKS 2025 Wine Rating: 76/100.

(Croix de Marsan Bordeaux 2023, AC Bordeaux, Vignobles Genfrier, Bruges, France 750 mL, 12.5%).

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 16: Eastern European Espionage and that Spaghetti Sauce with Ground Horsemeat

My assignment for the Central Intelligence Agency caused me no moral dilemma. My assignment was simply to be somewhat of an academic traveller. I was a student of Eastern European politics so I had every “valid” reason to be visiting Eastern Europe hanging out in various universities in Eastern Europe and gauge the sentiment of students living behind the “Iron Curtain” about living there and their willingness to challenge the existing power structure. CIA operatives had already done the heavy lifting and I was simply adding a more “youthful” perspective to their findings. Over 3 summers “on vacation” I visited Bulgaria, Poland, Romania, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Eastern Germany. I was a popular figure in many a university campus with my Frisbee and a healthy supply of blue jeans. Just about all students once familiar with me and gaining their trust expressed their frustration of living in a “Marxist state” that never walked the talk. Special privileges for party members whether it be special shops with western consumer goods or the best holidays and flats. Making matters worse were the presence of Soviet troops “occupying” many Eastern European countries. There were small “party cadres” at some universities but the majority of students despised these “Soviet opportunists”. 

It was easy work. I was monitoring corrupt governments and their student victims. I also gained invaluable academic knowledge about Eastern European regimes. Waiting regularly in lines for food was a common occurrence in several Eastern European countries and yes you could read about it in the comfort of a North American campus but to line up for a loaf of bread or chunk of cheese was one of those unique real-life experiences. On occasion I was tailed by local security forces but my movements were unhindered unlike in the Soviet Union where visitors had to be at specified destinations at specified times regularly reporting to local police offices to “register” themselves.

It is amazing how many spaghetti dinners I cooked in student kitchens. Many had never had a spaghetti dinner before. Sometimes the ground horsemeat gave it a heavy flavour though.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 15: Fishing with the Central Intelligence Agency on Lake Champlain: Operation Berlin Wall Humpty Dumpty

You have read that I had been approached at McGill University by The Royal Canadian Mounted Police to act as an informant to turn in and rat on “student revolutionaries”. I walked away from that “opportunity”. I was an Eastern European political scholar and of course I made summer plans to visit Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and Romania to further my studies.

One spring afternoon leaving the visa centre of the Bulgarian Consulate in Montreal with a student entry visa in hand a huge black 240SL Mercedes pulled up alongside me as I was walking up Stanley Street. I was asked to come join two men in the back seat. I refused and one of the men said, “It’s about your mother.” I couldn’t resist.  A ride with these two men lasted 45 minutes and we were having iced tea at Tudhope’s Marina in the small Vermont Town of North Hero. After the iced tea I walked with the two men the marina docks. Three men dressed (perhaps suspiciously preppy) as fisherman picked me up in a beautiful wooden “cabin cruiser” for a nice little “fishing expedition”.

I was in the friendly clutches of operatives of the Central Intelligence Agency. Feeling a bit like Martin Sheen in “Apocalypse Now” having steak and Budweiser with high level military and CIA types. Off we cruised on the placid waters of Lake Champlain. We spent 50 minutes trolling by McCormick’s Reef and Gull Island arriving at a small uninhabited island called Knight’s Island. We dropped our lines in the water and had a chat. I was informed the CIA had conducted an exhaustive background search on me and they were willing to do me a favour if I would do them a few in the context of “Operation Berlin Wall Humpty Dumpty”.

The CIA knew the whereabouts of Abdul. You know the bastard brother of my former sweetie Minah who blew my mother’s plane from the sky in an errant attempt to snuff me. He had fled to North Korea then North Vietnam and now was in Tripoli operating a McFalafel franchise. The CIA would treat Abdul with “extreme prejudice” if I decided to participate in their covert operation. They had my attention as did the bass chomping on my nightcrawler hooked onto my Lake Champlain Spinner.

RKS 2025 Literature: A Physician Unable to Establish a True Relationship

“This silly notion served to help me overcome my emotions and see him for what he was-a man relying on his social status as the sagacious doctor to add effect to his words. It was the insensitivity of the physician telling his patient he is going to die under the mistaken belief that being blunt and to the point is the best way in the end. Or worse, accustomed all his life to doting parents, the approbation of teachers and the sycophancy of patients, he’d assumed his superiority and never learned how to conduct himself in a basic man-to-man relationship.”

Bryce Courtenay, “Brother Fish”, 2004

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned But Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 14: The Torrid Sex Life of a Freshman

Rest assured this chapter title was required in my contract with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing. It is misleading. It is salacious and designed to sell copies. The contract did not state the contents of the chapter though other than it must be as lurid as possible!

It could be the lack of torrid lust was rooted in my respect for the opposite sex. Don’t make any moves lest one be accused of a rapist. I was part of the “Me Too” movement before it even existed. Harvey Weinstein could have saved himself long prison sentences if he had my respect for women.

There were a few memorable ladies. The 6 foot 5 Amazonian with a twin sister was an initial foray but with me at 6’3 we drew too much attention. She had the grip of a mechanic and the mannerisms too! She eventually gravitated to a Sumo wrestler exchange student.

Then there was what a nasty friend called “The Toad”. Part Cree Indian a great kisser but at 19 wanting badly to get married. SHIVER!

OK the attempt to befriend a film society tough bird. Someone took pity and finally told me I was wasting my time as she was a lesbian.

Then a good-hearted soul but her looks killed that.

Is there any point in going on?

I had long forgotten Minah. Returning home to my Four Season’s Presidential Suite one Saturday night there was an Indian wedding occurring in the Duplessis Ballroom. Hoping for some edible Indian food I snuck into the room and the wedding was so huge no one noticed and questioned me. While ordering a Harvey Wallbanger at the bar the play-by-play commentator for Punjabi Hockey Night in Canada recognized me as the hero that had beaten Ken Dryden for a hattrick in that Indian National Hockey Team Montreal Canadians game. A group of young men paraded me around on their shoulders singing the Indian National Anthem. Unfortunately I was deposited at the head table unable to make an escape. My eyes locked with a beautiful Indian goddess with piercing green eyes. Reena was her name. One problem though that she was the bride! We had a dance and the temptations were enormous but being so damn decent this was simply not the time to deflower India’s most beautiful woman. A fool I was. Her mother-in-law set her wedding dress on fire later that night and poor Reena succumbed to massive burns. Mother-in-law was royally pissed at the “meagre” dowry so sought revenge. She received a life sentence and a cell in Tanguay Prison in Laval to enjoy it with. Given my sweet pea Minah was confined to the Douglas Psychiatric Institution I knew me and women were a bad mix as far as romance unfolded. People seemed to die because of my romantic involvement.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 14: The Torrid Sex Life of a Freshman

Rest assured this chapter title was required in my contract with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing. It is misleading. It is salacious and designed to sell copies. The contract did not state the contents of the chapter though other than it must be as lurid as possible!

It could be the lack of torrid lust was rooted in my respect for the opposite sex. Don’t make any moves lest one be accused of a rapist. I was part of the “Me Too” movement before it even existed. Harvey Weinstein could have saved himself long prison sentences if he had my respect for women.

There were a few memorable ladies. The 6 foot 5 Amazonian with a twin sister was an initial foray but with me at 6’3 we drew too much attention. She had the grip of a mechanic and the mannerisms too! She eventually gravitated to a Sumo wrestler exchange student.

Then there was what a nasty friend called “The Toad”. Part Cree Indian a great kisser but at 19 wanting badly to get married. SHIVER!

OK the attempt to befriend a film society tough bird. Someone took pity and finally told me I was wasting my time as she was a lesbian.

Then a good-hearted soul but her looks killed that.

Is there any point in going on?

I had long forgotten Minah. Returning home to my Four Season’s Presidential Suite one Saturday night there was an Indian wedding occurring in the Duplessis Ballroom. Hoping for some edible Indian food I snuck into the room and the wedding was so huge no one noticed and questioned me. While ordering a Harvey Wallbanger at the bar the play-by-play commentator for Punjabi Hockey Night in Canada recognized me as the hero that had beaten Ken Dryden for a hattrick in that Indian National Hockey Team Montreal Canadians game. A group of young men paraded me around on their shoulders singing the Indian National Anthem. Unfortunately I was deposited at the head table unable to make an escape. My eyes locked with a beautiful Indian goddess with piercing green eyes. Reena was her name. One problem though that she was the bride! We had a dance and the temptations were enormous but being so damn decent this was simply not the time to deflower India’s most beautiful woman. A fool I was. Her mother-in-law set her wedding dress on fire later that night and poor Reena succumbed to massive burns. Mother-in-law was royally pissed at the “meagre” dowry so sought revenge. She received a life sentence and a cell in Tanguay Prison in Laval to enjoy it with. Given my sweet pea Minah was confined to the Douglas Psychiatric Institution I knew me and women were a bad mix as far as romance unfolded. People seemed to die because of my romantic involvement.

RKS 2025 Wine: Thorn-Clarke Eden Valley NV Brut Devilishly Good

Admit it. When you think Australian wine with a psychiatrist waving flash cards in your face asking what you see you will most likely say SHIRAZ! You might equally say CHARDONNAY!

Breaking free from psychiatric tyranny why not sample a sparkling wine from Australia? It is a Thorn-Clarke Pinot Noir-Chardonnay from the Eden Valley. Both the Pinot Noir and Chardonnay were night picked and immediately crushed and destemmed and were fermented separately. The grapes were grown in two cool climate sites in the Eden Valley, Milton Park and Mt. Crawford.

Love the plenitude of Don Ho tiny bubbles.

Aroma: Pear, Sweet Tango apple, marzipan, lemon meringue pie, trail mix nuts and freshly baked white bead.

Palate: Rather strange to savour strawberry and red cherry in a white sparkler but oops there it is! Quite unexpectedly charming! Perhaps even weird and delightful. A bit of Rocha pear just so there is a token white grape trace. Tight acidity not ripping off your face perhaps “vibrant” might best describe it.

Food Match: Lobster linguine.

Personality: I think I am devilishly clever as how on earth anyone but the devil could infuse the wine with notes of red fruit.

Cellarbility: Drinking window ends with 2025 New Year’s Eve.

Price: $23CDN $30AUSD.

RKS 2025 Wine Rating: 93/100. Sam Kim wineorbitz.co.nz 93.

(Thorn-Clarke Pinot Noir Chardonnay Eden Valley NV Brut, Thorn-Clarke Wines, Angaston, South Australia, 750 mL, 12.5%).

RKS 2025 Literature: The Mysterious Female Mind

“God may work in mysterious ways, but perhaps not as mysterious as the female mind-unless of course God is a woman, which would explain a lot of things. Men, it seems to me, either obey a law, never questioning it, or they break it with intent. Women see it for what it is-legislation or a set of rules promulgated by men for what they consider the common good, assuming invariably that the common good has only one gender.

“Brother Fish”, Bryce Courtenay, 2004

RKS 2025 Literature: Pissed Australian Men

“Sure, there were drunks among the Aboriginal people, but fair go-my own family testified to the fact these were greatly outnumbered by drunks of my own race. The white male population remained more or less pissed for the first hundred years in Australia. Moreover the second century of white occupation isn’t proving to be a hell of an improvement.”

“Brother Fish”, Bryce Courtenay, 2004