The Return of the Penny Pensioner: Chapter 5: What’s Wrong with The United States?: Entitled Unionized Workforce and Their Greedy Bosses Create a New “Disaffected Class” Ripe for the Political Picking

Excuse my amateurish attempt at economic theory bearing in mind you are reading this because you are preferring adventure like you were a theatre goer in “The Last Picture Show” as opposed reading dry political economics.

At one point in time the U.S.A. had it all with almost all consumer and industrial goods produced internally. The days of leather shoes, American automobiles and all manner of goods produced in the United States. A unionized labour force well paid with envious employee benefits catapulting many workers into the middle class. Can you imagine…defined benefit pension plans! A bloated labour force and greedy capitalists had a profitable if not cozy relationship that was not at an infinite plane. As mutual greed heightened the vanquished in World War II, the German defeated ironically fueled by The Marshall Plan, steamrolled into the American economy with Japan offering lower priced consumer goods and the Federal Republic of Germany high quality goods. Then China with its “leap ahead economic planning” and cheap semi starved workforce blew the bloated American workforce out of the water. Was the decimation of the American workforce a victim of the thrill of being a multinational corporation?

Forget consumer patriotism which meant paying more for domestically produced goods which would be passed on to the American consumer who opted for lower quality goods displacing domestic production as the unions augmented salary and benefit packages ultimately leading to higher cost American goods the American automotive industry a prime example.

On the corporate side when American customers required servicing it was cheaper to establish call centres in India then the Philippines instead of the United States irrespective if customers suffered unintelligible English and poor phone lines all keeping costs down and maintaining a healthy profit margin.

As American goods became more expensive than cheap Chinese ones American workers were displaced and with less disposable income looked to Walmart the lead purveyor of Cheap Chinese. “Equivalent” American goods had disappeared a prime example being Chinese footwear now accounting for 90% off all footwear purchased in the United States.

To make a long story short The American middle class began to disappear into the working class that itself was disappearing. A new class The Disaffected was emerging transforming the American political scene looking for a leader promising them a mythical return to a mythical past. Myths can certainly power the propaganda of a Golden Age or a Third Reich if you backstep into history.

Spoof News Services: Ebola Virus Ground Zero in Dunedin, Florida: Toronto Blue Jay Fans Arrested as Health Terrorists: Tirana, Albania:10February2025

The Ministry of Health of Albania reported an outbreak of Ebola in Dunedin, Florida. Albanian authorities advised the White House immediately after its findings were made. As the National Institute of Health and the Centre for Disease Control were disbanded by Muskcuts after his unilateral determination there was complete rot, fraud and corruption at these two agencies it would appear the health of Americans is to be safeguarded by an Albanian state entity.

The Albanian Minister of Health findings pointed to infected bananas from The Undemocratic Republic of Congo as the source of this potentially devastating viral outbreak.

The White House blamed these “isolated and never ever to spread cases” on a handful of Canadians attending the spring training camp of the Toronto Blue Jays in Dunedin, Florida. The Toronto Blue Jays are Canada’s only major league baseball team. Tradtionally there are several thousand Canadians attending the Blue Jay’s training camps but as “MAGA patriot squads” have been harassing Canadian visitors there has been a paucity of Canadian visitors to Dunedin, Florida. The Maga squads seized a can of Dr. Pepper held by Guelph, Ontario resident grade one student Amy Pickenbobber, as the source of the viral “incident”. Pickenbobber and the entire Canadian contingent was escorted by MAGA Matrons to waiting Tesla’s for a trip to the Tampa Bay Airfield,

When Vice President Jimbo Nochance was asked about the impending outbreak of Ebola in the United States his response was,” We beat Kung Flu from China and we can beat Bluejayosis mighty quick. We have transported the Canadian terrorist spreaders to Guantanamo Bay for interrogation. Americans need not fear as nothing but nothing, even the courts, can stop America from being great again. This is nothing a little bit of Javex can’t cure!”

Spoof News Services: White House Releases Pictures of VIP Guantanamo Bay Accommodations: Baltimore, Maryland: 9February2025

The White House released pictures today of VIP accommodations for top level guests of the Government of the United States. Canadian and Panamanian guests are currently enjoying the facilities and a US Airforce Super Galaxy C-5-M aircraft will be shortly ferrying Greenlander guests to the facility.

Greenlander guests to Guantanamo Bay will shortly be arriving in U.S. Airforce planes

In addition to a full range of leisure activities Guantanamo Bay is well known for waterboarding an activity the VIP guests will not want to miss.

Cristal “Yee Haw” Numbhead secretary for the Department of Homeland Paranoia announced on Fox Programme “Better Golden Age Days Are Ahead” Guantanamo Bay will host up to 30,000 illegals most being rapists, drug dealers, murderers and those who have not paid their parking tickets. VIP guests will number approximately 300 for the time being.

Beautiful relaxing gardens await VIP guests at Guantanamo Bay

Numbhead stated “Our Canadian, Panamanian and Greenlander guests will be housed in comfortable all American aluminum houses with beautiful patios to relax in after a hectic day of waterboarding. We offer buffet service offering wholesome American food. For example main dinner items last night for our VIP guests included Lake Champlain perch filets, Kansas City BBQ ribs and Philly Cheesesteak. Apple pie is available 24 hours a day. Wine (Gallo jug wine white blush) and beer (Schlitz) is available for a fee with dinner.”

Spoof News Services: White House Announces the Manufacture of a Golden Age B-52 Automobile: Emporia, Virginia 9February2025

Beaming with pride the Vice President of the United States, Jimbo Nochance, announced a new partnership between Musk Automotive and Tesla Manufacturing will be producing a car for the people that recognizes President Oran Crapaud’s magnificent statement, “Drill Baby Drill”. Nochance added the car will be a gas guzzler like all cars were years ago. Nochance stated, “A gas guzzler is a part of American history and our friends in the oil industry will now be able to drill, drill and drill. We’d like to think of it as a strength through joy car. Based on tariff revenues the cost will be $10,000. The first model will be a Golden Age B-52 to be followed by a “Special Advisor SUV.”

The Penny Pensioner Returns: Chapter Four: Misleading to Say Americans are Canada’s Enemies?

Hold back for a moment before we enumerate the American attack on Canada. Let’s recognize there are many Americans who are dismayed at this attack and recognize that friendship is generated by their respect for the values that Canadians stand for. They recognize and appreciate Canadians have been there for them whether its is lending its “super scooper” Bombardier water bombers to fight wildfires, dying by their side in war and hosting their citizens in Gander, Newfoundland when 9/11 grounded global air traffic and Newfoundlanders opened their hearts and homes to countless “grounded” Americans.

Perhaps then the real threat emanates from a deranged wannabe dictator with legions of ignorant hot heads who can’t even discern the difference between a subsidy and a trade deficit. Nazi saluting thugs supported by a throng of yahoo paramilitary groups better known as the Shame Boys and the Oath Breakers. The enemy is not the United States in its entirety but rather those Golden Ager MAGA “dreamers” dreaming of a mythical United States. Canada must cultivate its allies within America to escape, by way of allegory, a 1939 Poland. Perhaps the real enemies of America are found in the backroom of a pizza parlour in Washington? Perhaps Mike Pence shouldn’t have been lined up and shot by a firing squad for treason?

Let us not fall prey to the Musk jargon and think America is a ball of worms and corrupt through and through. The rot affects half of America and we know the worms rotting it.

Spoof News Services: Elon Musk Unelected Special Adviser for the Institution of American Ideals Announces Establishment of Golden Age Liquor and the Abolishment of the Boy Scouts of America: Muskgarten, Bavaria, Germany: 9February2025

Elon Musk, Special Adviser for the Institution of America Ideals, today in Munich, Germany at a fund raiser and flag waving ceremony of the AfD announced the establishment of a new brand of spirits named “Golden Age Liquor”. The labels will feature a picture of Musk’s famous and patriotic fist salute he stated “inspired nations”. Initially vodka, gin, bourbon and California prune juice liqueur will bear the label. Mr. Musk credited George Orwell’s novel”1984’s” description of “Victory Gin” coming to him in a revelatory dream inspiring him to launch the new brand.

Special Adviser Musk also announced the abolition of the Boy Scouts of America which will be replaced by a new organization “Young Pioneers of the Golden Age”.

Spoof News Services: Panama City: 1March2025: Canadians, Panamanians and Greenlanders Should Be Treated as Cattle Says Cristal “Yee Haw” Numbhead

Secretary of Homeland Paranoia of the United States, Cristal “Yee Haw” Numbhead attending a hoedown at The American Golden Age Cultural Centre in Panama City likened Canadians, Panamanians and Greenlanders to cattle. Numbhead proudly wearing her cowboy hat indoors (a great cultural no no in Texas) stated, “As an experienced cattle rancher I have an eye for cattle and their low intelligence. With cattle you must lead and occasionally give em a good prod with an electric baton. We have been feeding the population herds of these countries for too long and all we receive from them is the hot gas of sovereignty mooing. Just witness the subsidies we have been giving Canada. It is time we lead these dumb beasts to the pen where they belong. As we welcome them into the Golden Age they will be eternally grateful.”

Press Release: Spoof News Service: Secret Service Dismantled by Elon Musk and Replaced by a New Republican Guard

Plattsburg, New York: 8February2025: Elon Musk’s Office of Slash and Burn announced today the dismantling of the Secret Service noting its fraud, corruption and incompetence as threatening the arrival of America’s Golden Age. Musk stated, “Our glorious leader presents Americans with the arrival of a Golden Age which will sweep throughout our great country increased in size and pride lately by the successful invasions of Canada, Panama and Greenland.  In its place a New Republican Guard will be created. Elite agents of The Shame Boys and The Lie Keepers will, under my watchful eye, staff this new service with appropriate talent. The Trump arm salute will be the cohesive force of the New Republican Guards. In addition, President Trump has appointed me “Special Adviser for the Institution of American Ideals.”

Photo Credit: Angela Weiss

Press Release: Spoof News Services: Canadian Ministry of Health Recommends Super Bowl LIX Quarantine for Sanity and Sovereignty  

Toronto: (8February2025): The Minister of Health of Canada Rosie Boilscab addressed Canadians on national television this morning urging Canadians to avoid watching the upcoming Super Bowl. She stated ,”Given the increase of cases of severe psychiatric disturbances amongst Canadians, particularly Post Trumpmatic Stress Disorder and Trumplfluenza it is essential Canadians quarantine themselves from a massive overdose of Americanism foistered upon them by Canadian media outlets palavering and drooling about this sporting event made all the more infectious by the attendance of President Donald J. Trump and the half time show by Kenny “Hot Stools” Lemerde attacker of the beloved Canadian musician Aubrey Flake. Too much Americanism can prove harmful to Canadian mental health. It is essential Canadian’s mental health be safeguarded and a potential hungering for Super Bowl commercials in the face of an existential threat to Canada should not be underestimated. Think of this avoidance as a quarantine for sanity and sovereignty. Canadian television networks would be well advised to telecast last year’s Canadian football championship, the Grey Cup.”

Press Release: Spoof News Services: 2,146,000 Gaza Palestinians to be Relocated to the Northwest Territories in Canada: Ottawa: 26March2025

Peter Polygrip, the Prime Minister of Canada, announced today that Canada will resettle 2,146,000 Palestinians from Gaza to its Northwest Territories. Prime Minister Polygrip remarked that considering the deep friendship between Canadians and Americans it is the least we can do to assist our fellow neighbours citing the Gaza is a key manufacturer of fentanyl and our mission as the Conservative Party of Canada is “Arretons Les Drogues”. He further commented this was “a great deal” as tariffs levied on Canadian goods entering the United States will plummet from 20% to 19 %.

In order to pay for massive construction costs to house the voluntarily migrated people all Canada Pension Plan and Old Age Security Benefits will cease immediately. Polygrip stated, “These creaky old buggers have been milking the system for too many years. While they sit at home watching television and waiting for knee replacements Canadians are hard at work.”

As for the inhospitable climate these Palestinian guests will have to suffer Polygrip was of the view the climate was refreshing and invigorating and “these people” are lucky to have escaped a rubble heap. As all materials for housing the Palestinians must be purchased under the “Buy America” programme construction loans must be obtained from banks domiciled in the United States and as a result Canadian universal healthcare will end.

Prime Minister Polygrip expressed Canadians undying gratitude to Israeli Defence Minister Israel Katz for suggesting the relocation to Canada adding the former Liberal government was so obsessed  with anti-neighbourly behavior and carbon taxes it had its head up its *****.