The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 11: What Courses Do I Take at McGill University?

I had mentioned I was awarded the Claire and Warren Quimby Scholarship for Third World Disadvantaged Urchins to McGill University. I was undecided as to what programme and what degree I should enroll in. My teachers at King’s School for Young Men in Bombay strongly recommended I obtain an arts degree to broaden my mind so I would have the analytical skills to easily manoeuvre to a post graduate degree. Their view of a “liberal arts” education was it was not focused on what money it could eventually lead to but rather on self development and analytical skills that could be applied to so many fields. The students at King’s School for Young Men were wealthy (like me) and white (not like me) so their view on the value of a liberal arts degree I took with a grain of sand.

The Indians were far more materialistic about my education. The relatives I had in India, on my father’s side were not as successful as my father Paneer was seeing education as a sure way to make piles of dough and escape India. They gave me numerous examples of this and that chap who hit “The Golden Temple” of wealth and status by way of MEDICINE, ACCOUNTING, LAW and COMPLIANCE. Liberal arts was in their opinion but a waste of time. How is an understanding of history going to make you money was a recurring phrase my relatives cajoled me with.

So it would seem I was caught between grubby materialism and lofty idealism. I was a man of wealth so there was no relentless drive on my part to “make it” through “the professions”. I chose to obtain a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science. My relatives rolled their eyes and moaned. I had seen them sacrifice their lives to relentlessly drive their children into the holy grail of higher education. Tutors and weekend “special preparatory academies” and lack of any social life burnt out many of my young relatives. My thought on that is would you prefer an intelligent and compassionate human being for a doctor or one that had been programmed with all the right steps to gain admission to medical school! I had several of my relatives volunteer their medical prospect children to build homes in Costa Rica (for an enormous “donation”) for disadvantaged souls so their resume would sparkle in the eyes of a medical school’s admission panel. Money can be a great motivator but it can suck your soul dry. There were a limited number of spaces for foreign medical students at Canadian universities so the competition for spots was ferocious and, in some cases, deadly. The year I gained admission to McGill University 12 young men in Bombay alone committed suicide after being refused admission to medical schools in Canada.

RKS 2024 Wine: Four Vines Old Vine Zinfandel: Of Water and Wine

President Elect Donald Trump may have dazzled his MAGA base with tough guy protectionism promising a 25% tariff on all Canadian products entering the United States. Seems of late he has admitted this may lead to an increased cost of living for Americans. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau quickly scampered down to Mar-a-Lago to persuade Trump such a tariff may not be the best for both countries. “Jokingly” Trump suggested Canada become the 51st state. This observation or thought is not new to Canadians. Given Canada’s vast natural water supply hopefully any annexation, if it comes to pass, is peaceful.

Should the 25% tariff be implemented is it possible that insulted and miffed Canadians boycott United States wines, almost entirely Californian, trucked into Canada? Food for thought.

90% Zinfandel, 9% Petit Sirah and 1% Rubired which is a Californian created hybrid a cross between Tinto Cao and Alicante Ganzin. It has spent 10 months in Hungarian, American and French oak (25% new).

Aroma: Strawberry jam, black cherry, cassis and bits of mocha. No need to worry about excessive oak. But some coffee on the nose may be a warning sign of a wine on the decline or from grapes that may have been harvested too late.

Palate: If you were expecting a Soprano’s ball buster Zin it is not here. It is demure, low in tannins and controlled acidity. Blueberry and pomegranate. Dare I say a delicate Zin attributable to old vines?

Personality: I might be far less robust than what you might expect a Lodi Zinfandel to be. So happily, you’ve been caught with your pants down. Please no Stormy Daniels snickers here!

Food Match: Red meats, pizza, pasta…whatever.

Cellarbility: Consume by 2025-year end. No benefit to age.

Price: $22 CDN. $13 USD (SRP).

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 89/100. Natalie MacLean 90/100.

(Four Vines Old Vine 2021 Zinfandel, AVA Lodi, Four Vines Winery, Grafton, California, 14.5%, 750 mL).

RKS 2024 Film: “Deaner’ 89”: Satire? Comedy? Socially Relevant?

Dean Murdoch (Paul Spence) known as “Deaner” finally after enduring many “shit bands” achieves stardom in 1989 and has moved into his mansion where he shares his story.

Dean and his sister Jen (Star Slade) are adopted and advised of their Indigenous heritage late in their teens by their mother telling them the government told us to reveal nothing to you about your past “as it was best to grow up in a white world and leave the Indian behind”. As Dean remarked they shot children out of the reservation into the white world like a T-Shirt launcher gun. Dean is Métis and Jen a Blackfoot.

Dean grew up in a small steel town East Hayden, Manitoba described as in the middle of “butt fuck Canada”. There are a few jabs in the film at small town Canada where hockey is the only way out.

Dean’s life is converted from hockey jock to metalhead with the arrival of a satanic steamer trunk from his late father crammed with heavy metal paraphernalia and ephemera. His girlfriend’s aunt, May (Mary Walsh) is a former metal bassist and when her guitar is amped to the max it blows Dean through the wall and at that point he knew he had metal flowing in his blood.

There is a strong streak of juvenile humour with farting, beer swilling, car and bus chases but discretely the film gently reminds the viewer in a non polemic manner of the racism and stereotyping prevalent in Canada directed against its Indigenous population. In one scene a delightfully raunchy and sleazy college agent Dack (Stephen McHattie) ready to sign Dean to a 4-year hockey scholarship replies to Dean’s question if there are any Indians on the hockey team. No there are none as we like to keep it clean.

The movie is a combination of genres and rich with homage to many a teen movie and while attempting a neat characterization I was met with a melange but if Dean were asked I believe his response would be don’t torture yourself and just sit back and have some fun and ROCK ON! Good advice.

Oh, and his secret to success a mixture of the Métis fiddle and warlock bass.

Mary Walsh as May absolutely rocks. Stephen McHattie as Dack hits the perfect cord akin to a William S. Borroughs’ Tom the Priest performance in “Drugstore Cowboy”.

Excellent soundtrack and you won’t run from the room listening to metal! The Deaner’ 89 Studio Band knows its chops!

Directed by Sam McGlynn. Written by Paul Spence.

Available on digital and on demand.

Trailer can be seen here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZs-5v_lR4Q&t=1s

RKS 2024 Film Rating 81/100,

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version) : Chapter 10: More Editorial Interference from Wuhan Wet Market Publishing: What I Don’t Like About Canadians

I am attempting to write my biography here collaborating with the renowned journalist Robert K. Stephen but yet again Wuhan Wet Market Publishing is interfering with my creative process. I received a call from senior editor Natasha Polehead demanding I should refrain from comparing Canadians to Indians, Brits and Americans as I will alienate some readers and the name of the publishing game is money. You don’t make money by pissing off Brits, Indians and Yanks it seems. I had planned to talk about obesity, politics, culture and a whole lot of comparative points however I signed a rather hasty contract with Wuhan and I have no wiggle room. So what I will do to even up the score, in the mind of Wuhan, is advise readers what I don’t like about Canadians.

Canadians have many great qualities as well as Brits, Indians and Yanks (ass kissing) but of course the all-knowing Wuhan Wet Market Publishing thinks they know better than I do so I can’t praise Indians, Brits and Yanks.

Canadians don’t fornicate on the beaches of Spain like the Brits, storm capitals and try to hang politicians like Americans and they don’t like or cozy up to the Russians like Indians do. They have a quiet superiority complex to the world. The great neutral peacekeepers. The polite and respectful people. They travel in Europe and strut about adorned with their maple leaf flags and think the world will come running to them with open arms. I call it quiet arrogance. And then there are the hidden closets of residential schools, the shameful treatment of early Chinese immigrants and well why go on. Are you happy now Wuhan Wet Market Publishing?

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 9: What I Like About Canadians! : Calm and Quiet

Halfway into my first term at Montreal’s McGill University I began to appreciate the Canadian character. What do I like most about Canadians?

As you may recall I went on a farewell tour with my mom Juanita Billabong performing in many urban venues in the United States so I have a focal point to compare Canadians with. Plus my years in India have given me insights into British and Indian characteristics.

Canadians are calm and quiet and one might even call them boring. They speak softly particularly in public as if they deeply respect their fellow citizens. Excitement is rare to them unless of course it is a matter of hockey, Tim Smorten’s coffee and Kraft Dinner. Speaking of hockey, a spaz at heart, I joined the McGill University intramural hockey league doing my best not to embarrass myself. Indians on skates can be a sight for sore eyes!

The Americans I encountered were much louder particularly in public where they seemed to like shouting especially when trying to make a point. Americans can be quiet but I recall seeing American tourists in India and they were loud in manner, speaking and in dress style. Americans become particularly agitated when there are no Kentucky Fried Chickens, Burger Kings or McDonald’s about. I recall eating with my father Paneer at the Bombay Ritz-Carlton and rest assured the ladies and gentlemen of the Ritz-Carlton did not appreciate Billy Bob Sonburnt from Plum City Arkansas eating gourmet food with his baseball hat on and then loudly complaining he wanted real American food not this spicy Indian slop! The dining room chortled when Billy Bob loudly proclaimed when he returned home he was heading to McDonald’s for some “real American food.”

Indians are never quiet and calm and always shouting and gesturing about something but that’s our national character and you learn to live with it. It is as if any debate transforms into a verbal riot. I think it is all just an act.

The Brits I encountered in Bombay were so very quiet and seemingly polite but turn your back on them and they were vicious backstabbing brutes particularly if you were not illy white or of the right economic class. Yes who said it was India only that had the untouchables!

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 8: Minah My 140 Kilo Sweetheart

You may recall my initial infatuation with Minah my little hummingbird and tabbouleh slinging sweetheart in Montreal. I had been accepted to McGill University in Montreal with a full Claire and Warren Quimby Scholarship for Third World Disadvantaged Urchins. I didn’t need the tuition money but seeing the bastards the First World can produce, particularly at the Kings School for Young Men in Bombay, out of a matter of revenge against the upper-class twit colonists I decided to accept it. These twits assumed that my being from India made me poor but in comparison to the Quimby’s they could have been my servants! In the few months preceding the beginning of Term I decided to scope out Montreal a bit and of course take advantage of Schwartz’s smoked meat and kosher dill pickles. Those mixed meat sandwiches at Slovenian Meat Market on St. Lawrence Street could feed an Indian regiment of hussars!

And it was time to see Minah my delicate sweet bird of love …my precious dainty hummingbird. Well that hummingbird had swelled into a penguin with a very large plus size girth close to 140 kilos with a very bad case of acne and was blanketed by an ominous cloud of depression. Of course, I was taken aback! The vile terrorist action of her brother Abdul bombing my mother Juanita’s airplane out of the sky wreaked havoc with both her body and brain. Her mother and father lamented I was not on board that plane referring to me as an infidel devil! Seems I had become their Lawrence of Arabia. They were still pressuring her to be what she referred to as a “Burka Babe”. The relentless pressure and horrific act of her brother was too much to bear. She required psychiatric help not me. So we parted our ways. I recall walking away seeing Minah laughing as if possessed like Linda Blair in “The Exorcist”.

My main mission was to secure accommodation in Montreal. I lived a very swank life in Bombay so the thrill of a fleabag apartment on Durocher Street in the McGill Student Ghetto with all the liberated from home middle class students did not appeal to me. Both the Ritz-Carlton and Four Seasons hotels were more or less across the street from McGill and I chose the Four Seasons Presidential Suite. Living at the Ritz-Carlton would be just a bit flashy so I settled for the Four Seasons I am a man of discretion.

RKS 2024 Wine: Croatian Plavac Mali

At one time it was thought Plavac Mali was Zinfandel but at best Plavac Mali and Zinfandel may have shared some ancestral grape heritage. It is my go-to red in Croatia and has its most extensive planting on Croatia’s stunning Dalmatian coast. Two or three times a year Torontonians see some Plavic Mali on our shelves.

We try a Barrique 2018 from Terra Madre in Croatia. Terra Madre’s first vines were planted in 2008.

The Terra Madre website states the wine is 100% Plavac Mali. The Liquor Control Board of Ontario’s Vintages catalogue includes a quip from a 2024 Decanter World Wine Awards review as the wine being 85% Plavac Mali with 8% Cabernet Sauvignon and 7% Syrah. Oh the mysteries of the wine world!

Aroma: Blackberry, black cherry, stewed prune and dried figs in a gentle smoky frame.

Palate: Clean, pure and sharp. Very high-toned blackberry with bits of black cherry and rhubarb brought to a certain calmness by stolid strawberry jam influences. Tannins slowly set in after palate entry but they are moderate with acidity under control. Longish finish.

Personality: I am a nervous high-strung wine perhaps because so many wine drinkers may have been misled and call me Zinfandel!

Food Match: Cevapcici with Ajvar.

Cellarbility: Not designed for ageing but there may be some settling down in 2025 but consume no later than the end of 2026.

Price: $27 CDN. A bit steep if not prohibitive for a “new market” wine.

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 89/100. Decanter World Wine Awards 93.

(Terra Madre, Barrique 2018 Plavac Mali, Hrvatska, Croatia, 750 mL, 14%).

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned But Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 7: That Bastard in Montreal Murdered My Mom Juanita!

I was somewhat riled by several visits the American Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Chief of the Bombay Police Inspector Suri Saleem paid to me. Did my mother have any enemies I was aware of they repeatedly queried. I knew of no enemies. They returned to ask me if I had any enemies. Me! I am just an unknown teenager. They spilt the beans. Juanita’s airplane crash was not caused by metal fatigue but due to a plastic explosive commonly used by Albanian security forces. Traces were identified in an FBI laboratory. Wait a minute! My dearest Iraqi sweetheart in Montreal’s brother, Abdul, had been in the Iraqi military training “explosives 101” as an explosive expert and then to Albanian Special Forces in Tirana Minah had told me. Well it wasn’t that long before a trail led to Abdul as the perpetrator. Sensing he was being closed in he fled to Albania and from there he took a Ourholyleader Airlines flight to Pyongyang in North Korea. The investigators were puzzled why the explosives that brought down my mom’s Sobranj Airlines originated in Albania and why Abdul had fled to North Korea. As Inspector Saleem said this case was a tough nut to crack. I vowed to hunt down that bastard and stick a wad of plastic explosives up his ass. When would that be was not a question. It was a personal fatwah.

RKS 2024 Film: “Fairy Creek”: Not One Big Happy Family

In August 2020 opposition to logging old growth forests in British Columbia’s South Vancouver Island’s Fairy Creek’s 1183 hectares gained momentum. Old growth forests were dwindling in British Columbia and Fairy Creek was unique as a fully intact valley of old growth trees with its own complex biodiversity. Teal Jones Group had legal rights to log on Crown land there. The activist movement’s stated goal was to prevent old growth logging at Fairy Creek it but in reality it was to delay it as much as possible through blockades of logging trucks and personnel.

Fairy Creek Activists face-off with Royal Canadian Mounted Police

The film commences with shots of beauty of this forest quickly marred by the murderous sounds of chainsaws threatening forests not only in British Columbia but also in the Philippines and in the Brazilian Amazonian forests.

One might conclude at the film’s outset this was a unified protest of the good hippies against the crude and vulgar Monty Phyton lumberjacks. There are some stereotypical moments with the young activists dancing, singing and drumming with Indigenous allies like in a Club Med evening entertainment skit or dancing to hip hop at the side of the road with cool names like Flying Squirrel, Bush Pig, Panda, Pony, Sparkplug and DJ Raven. A Woodstock hippie revival party. One activist may have summed up the strategy as stopping the logging by putting pageantry all around it. And there is plenty of pageantry, drama and extreme sensitivity e.g. chaining themselves to tree stumps, pipes and trees and threatening belligerent loggers with a humorous quip just go ahead as the whole world is watching you on Instagram! What a nasty persuasive threat!

But wait a moment. The elected band council for the Pacheedaht First Nation wants the activists to leave their protest camps in and around Fairy Creek as they do not welcome unsolicited interference in their affairs. Not all members of Pacheedaht First Nation agree with their elected band council some calling them aligned with corporate interests.

The activists filmed stress the peaceful nature of their protest where arrests will not be resisted. And as the protests continue the divide in the activists sharpen to a point of anger when a Fairy Creek tree stump is exhibited at a public event. The young Indigenous activists diss the well meaning primarily Caucasian activists by saying their actions at Fairy Creek were not a safe movement “for us”. The claim is made there was violence and tokenization and “we” do not wish to ally ourselves with you and “we” do not wish to expose ourselves to more harm. If you are not young and Indigenous you are against us is the message? Perhaps as far as the Indigenous youth are concerned perhaps, they really mean to say as a logger shouted to the Fairy Creek  activists, “Go back to Victoria you ++++suckers!”

There was very little filming of calm loggers only angry and foul-mouthed ones portrayed like that redneck character with the boil on his neck grabbing his shotgun to put to rest Peter Fonda in “Easy Rider”. Surely there must be calm loggers willing to state their cause.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are filmed initially peacefully carrying out the enforcement of a court injunction ordering protestors off the land. But tempers flare as do the tactics of the RCMP. High marks to the documentary near its conclusion drawing the viewer right to the front lines chillingly conveying how rapidly and explosively a civil disobedience event can mushroom into a near riot. Did the RCMP really have to spray pepper spray on the activists? High comedy (pun intended) when the RCMP lowers two officers from a helicopter to arrest a tree sitter!

We hear just a few words from a mill owner but not enough. What were the economic impacts of the Fairy Creek protests and particularly how workers in that industry thought about their importance in the economic development of Vancouver Island.

An intriguing and eye-opening documentary about divergences in the Fairy Creek activist movement seemingly controlled by “white settlers” and within the Indigenous community struggling for Indigenous sovereignty. A primer how activism can accomplish its goals through its pageantry and its management of activism.

The British Columbia government deferred Fairy Creek logging until 1February2025.

And you thought this was just a simple us against them movement which by the way was the largest act of civil disobedience in Canada with 1,200 arrests and an undisclosed number of catch and releases. As history of Canadian activism and the emergence of a youth led Indigenous sovereignty movement this may be one day be a classic!

Director is Jen Muranetz.

Next showing at the Whistler Film Festival on 7December2024.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 90/100.

Press Release: Trans Canada Air to Charge Passengers for Bathroom Use

Toronto: 4December2024: Spoof Wire Services

Canada’s greediest and most detested air carrier announced yet another extra fee payable by all passengers except for those in its Big Wig Class which will kick in beginning 1January2025.

All non-Big Wig Class passengers will be required to pay a $10 “Privilege Fee” to access all WC’s onboard. For an extra fee passengers will be required to purchase “comfort tokens” which must be used to gain access to WC’s in the passenger cabin.

In addition to the WC “Privilege Fee” and the extra fee to purchase “comfort tokens” bowel movements will be subject to extra fees based on the gram weight of the feces involved. Toilet paper will also be subject to a usage fee based on centimeters used.

Trans Canada Air “proudly stands by these new fees” stating they give passengers choices “they rightly deserve” and are in line with industry standards. Trans Canada Air will offer portable “Widdle Bags” for passengers “negligent enough” not to “take care of business” before boarding the airplane. Those passengers suffering from some form of urinary incompetence “are strongly advised” to dehydrate themselves, wear diapers or utilize a catheter.

Trans Canada Air was voted for the sixth successive year by “Squat and Go Measurements” as having the vilest bathrooms of any major air carrier.