The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 6: Juanita Joins Big Bopper and Buddy Holly

Flying to New Delhi from Montreal is far better than the Delhi Belly flight from New Delhi to Montreal as with the latter Indian food seeks its revenge on those not used to it. Flatulence and the runs are the perfect storm for an unholy stench that not even the smell of eggplant curry could mask.

I arrived at home in Bombay after waiting three hours for my connecting flight in Delhi. Raj my valet picked me up at the airport and finally home I slept for 18 hours dreaming of Minah my Iraqi sweetheart. School started and life resumed to Bombay normal. In a few days recovering from jet lag I felt normal.

Before school one morning I received a call from Sobranj Airlines in Delhi saying the jet my mother Juanita had chartered had gone down somewhere in Finland. Search and rescue was in progress. My goodness this news was difficult to digest. With some help from my librarian contact at the Indira Gandhi Library in New Delhi I discovered the DC-9 that had been chartered had been purchased from a now defunct airline called Overseas National Airways in New York. It was over 20 years old. There had been two “incidents” with the plane related to metal fatigue according to the United States Federal Aviation Authority (FAA). The issues had been remedied according to the FAA and the plane was cleared to return to service. I mean there comes a time when horses and airplanes need to be retired.

Being realistic I thought this just had to be the end of dear old mom Juanita Billabong. And my suspicions were realized when Sobranj Airlines notified me three days later stating their sincerest condolences but all aboard had been lost except for a half-frozen dog West Highland Terrier, Welshie, owned by my mother and a guitar case with a guitar in it. It was Juanita’s Fender!  I asked them to send Welshie to me as well as the guitar.

A huge funeral was held in Cardiff, Wales. I was astounded at how many mourners attended. John Mayall, BB King, Albert King, Eric Clapton, Big Smokin Red, Ravi Shankar, Mel Torme, Scat Man Carothers, Arlo Guthrie, Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan and Robbie Robertson to name a few. I had thought my mother an obscure musician singing an equally obscure genre of music called the “Bombay Blues”. Juanita had a massive influence on blues music not even she realized. Many of these musicians invited me to visit them.  Juanita would have been proud of the tributes pouring in. I received several calls from record companies wanting to release multiple albums containing unreleased material.

My life had to continue. I will admit I refrained from crying but felt numb. The FAA and Indian aviation authorities were investigating the crash. That gave me some comfort to uncover the truth. There were rumours of falsified maintenance records by Sobranj Airlines. Whatever the result of the investigation the stark reality was Juanita had joined the Big Bopper and Buddy Holly in the Land Beyond. All I had beside the memories was Welshie the West Highland Terrier and a Fender guitar.

RKS 2024 Film: “Resident Orca”

Southern Resident Killer Whales also known as Southern Resident Orca Whales are found in the Salish Sea in Washington and British Columbia. Presently there are 75 known South Resident Orca Whales facing extinction.

In the 1960’s and 1970’s some 50 were captured and transported to “marine parks” including infant Orca, Lolita, as she was named, ended up in the Miami Seaquarium where she remained for some 50 years until a rescue attempt was initiated by Indigenous tribes considering Orcas as part of their family. One of the Indigenous rescuers made a cutting analogy to the kidnapping of these Orcas to the kidnapping of Indigenous children into Canadian and American “residential school” compounds. North America’s Killing Fields as I refer to them.

The documentary chronicles the struggle of the Indigenous people to repatriate Lolita (Sk’ali Ch’ elh-tenaut) to her native Salish Sea. Alliances are struck and the viewer drawn very deeply into a life and death struggle to save Skali. The watch is so intense I would not be surprised if most of the audience will be joyous one moment then absolutely shattered at the next.

I watched a series on APTN network in Canada called “Yukon Harvest” and I remember one indigenous hunter shooting a deer. There was no joy in his voice and he walked up to his quarry but rather a deep sense of respect for an animal that gave its life to him. This is the Indigenous attitude towards Skali. Respect and the quest to rescue her was deeply symbolic. Land and sea with all its creatures including humans are one intertwined entity.

While you may be saddened or made furious by this documentary you may find the need to attribute blame for the kidnapping and commodification of Orcas. It is, in my opinion, all the happy audience members at these “seaworld” shows unknowingly supporting the kidnapping of Orcas no better than the blind and ignorant tourists riding elephants in Thailand or ”volunteering” at orphanages in Cambodia.

Here just outside of Toronto we have Marineland Niagara as a torture chamber for aquatic animals. Business and treatment of sea animals has not been particularly encouraging for its owners lately.

A very disturbing documentary and if you have difficulty watching the trailer be prepared for what is to come https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8-NOeZ64F0

Directed by Simon Schneider and Sarah Sharkey Pearce.

Screening on 6December2024 at the Whistler Film Festival.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 96/100.

RKS 2024 Wine: Chasing Rain Cabernet Sauvignon from Washington’s Red Mountain

With today’s climate change one can be hoping to chase the rain either towards or away from you! Which way is the chase going for Chasing Rain Cabernet Sauvignon?

The Red Mountain AVA receives approximately 5 inches of rain annually. The winery’s website states, “Minimal rainfall, a dry climate and fast draining soil force more sugar and energy into the fruit not the leaf canopy resulting in intense notes of fruit.”

The grapes were hand picked and destemmed and fermented on the skins for three weeks then aged in new American oak for 20 months.

94% Cabernet Sauvignon and 6% Petit Verdot.

Aroma: The blueberry is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Blackberry, cassis with some cocoa.  

Palate: Blueberry avalanche slides down smoothly. Fine but integrated acidity. Short finish with hints of chocolate and vanilla.

Personality: That blueberry imprint is classy west coast. At this price and quality California Cabernet Sauvignon is left way behind.

Food Match: Florentine grilled steak.

Cellarbility: Drinking very nicely now but will hold to 2025-year end.

Price: $30 CDN.

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 92/100. Wine Enthusiast 91. Wine Align 89.

(Chasing Rain 2020 Red Mountain Cabernet Sauvignon, AVA Red Mountain, Chasing Rain, Walla Walla, Washington 14.5%, 750 mL).

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 5: Bye Bye Juanita and My Iraqi Sweetheart

Juanita Wallabong’s tour was wrapping up in North America with a final performance in Montreal at the Montreal Forum. We were enjoying a few glorious days off as this trip was about my education not simply music. I fell in love with Montreal as it was in North America but so un-American! I discovered Fairmont bagels, Schwartz’s smoked meat and kosher dill pickles and of course Mont Royal a wonderful mountainous park just off the centre of the city. There were jazz and blues clubs galore. There was Vieux Montreal that transported you back two hundred years in time. And of course in addition to falling in love with the city I fell for a dusky eyed beauty at a falafel joint called Basha on St. Catherine Street. A daughter of an immigrant family from Iraq she was working slinging tabouleh on falafel sandwiches. Our eyes met and it was all fire and brimstone. Being half Indian our relationship, or fling if you want to call it that, was tricky with strict parents that watched their little flower Minah like a hawk and if they knew that she was consorting with me it would be toast for us. It was bad enough she was refusing to wear a burka steadfastly saying to her parents, “I do not want to be a burka babe!”. Our relationship consisted of a few hot bagels, some kisses and some hand holding. Having been fed some anti-Muslim propaganda at King’s School for Young Men in Bombay I was aware this was a situation that might put Minah in danger if not in peril of her life through an honour killing. Her brother Abdul had suspected something was amiss and she thought she would be followed. Abdul was spending an inordinate amount of time sharpening his sword.

Fate may have solved the danger as I had to return to Bombay for the first term at my school. Juanita would finish off her tour in Japan and China and be home in a couple of weeks. I broke the news to Minah and we agreed to stay in touch. Somehow I knew I would be returning to Montreal as life without Fairmont bagels, Montreal smoked meat and the Iraqi gem Minah was going to be difficult.

Juanita took me to Dorval airport for my flight to New Delhi on Air India. Little did I know the finality of my good-bye to Juanita my mother.

RKS 2024 Wine: Agiorgitiko Greek Supermarket Champion

When travelling in Europe I usually visit supermarkets for various items particularly bottled water. Supermarket prices for cheese in Paris would reduce you to tears with just how inexpensive French cheese can be. Almost like a staple whereas here in Canada it is a luxury. I always look at wine prices too and in Portugal you’ll see a large selection of Portuguese wines with super cheap prices at least 60% less than you would pay in Canada.

On a recent trip to Thessaloniki, Greece I checked out supermarket prices for wine and in general they are cheaper than in Canada but not by a substantial amount. Selection is far less than you would see on supermarket shelves in Toronto. In the Greek supermarket in Thessaloniki, you’ll see mostly Agiorgitiko for the reds and Malagousia for the whites. In both Thessaloniki and Toronto supermarkets there is no shortage of trash lowest common denominator wines.

Back in Toronto I see Agiorgitiko from Monemvasia Winery at the LCBO (state liquor monopoly) by the name of La-Du-Di. No oak in the wine.

Aroma: Assertive notes of blackberry, cassis and black cherry. A bit of dark chocolate on the edges.

Palate: Tannins on the light moderate scale. An almost creamy texture thick with black fruit. Acids are well integrated and noticeable for those with a keen palate but they are not immediately threatening nor should they gain in intensity with more time in the bottle. A full-bodied red.

Personality: I am a proud Greek Agiorgitiko and taste me and you will know I am not afraid to speak my mind. You might even find me bold but I will leave an impression.

Food Match:  Roasted leg lamb au jus served with orzo and grilled artichokes.

Cellarbility: Consume by 2025-year end.

Price: $22 CDN. 9.2 Euros.

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 90/100.

(Tsimbidi La-Lu-Di Agiorgitiko 2022, PGI Peloponnese, Monemvasia Winery, Aggelona, Greece, 750 mL.13%).

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvelous (The Final Version): Chapter 4: My Displeasure with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing and Why the Term “Penniless Pensioner”

Excuse me for interrupting the flow of this modern disjunctivist autobiography but my publisher Wuhan Wet Market Publishing (WWMP) insists, and they have the contractual right to do so, that I not delve into significant details as to my name “Penniless Pensioner” in the early parts of the autobiography. My view dear reader is that you should know so I now have permission to impart some basic details only. Quite frankly I do not know how I have been saddled with this name.

It is my “collaborator” and friend Robert K. Stephen who created my name and given that I am not a pensioner nor am I, at least at this moment, penniless I had to pick his brain for how he derived this cockamamie name!

OK you’ll find out later that I worked as counsel (one amongst many) for Bernie Madoff. I will remind you that I cleaned up a few “questionable situations” for him but only when the chips fell where they did was it apparent to me these situations were questionable. Sort of like Robert Duval playing the role of consigliere in “The Godfather”. There are no horseheads in my bed I assure you. And listen to me carefully no charges against me “stuck” and neither was I disbarred! Legally (and perhaps morally) I did nothing inappropriate.

However Robert K. Stephen in his wine reviews needed a figure or concept to write about his low cost wines and he created me in innocence and good fun as a fictional character but somehow it took off and I am saddled with the name. I have to swallow the lumps with my gravy and the gravy is this book and a tentative movie bearing the name “Penniless Pensioner” which will if it goes ahead star John Travolta red hot off his last film “Paradise City” agrees to play me.

Mr. Stephen says in his mind “Penniless Pensioner” was a logical choice since Bernie Madoff (Not Bernie Saunders) supposedly fleeced pensioners but if they were pensioners they were filthy rich so a loss of a few hundred thousand hardly made them penniless. Yet the moniker “Penniless Pensioner” has a certain cache, doesn’t it? I will suffer the humiliation thank you Mr. Stephen for that but my financial return will be great! If Mr. Stephen was not my friend I would sue his ass off! Yes he has a 50% cut on the sales of my autobiography and the film should it be made. I suppose a shark needs a remora.

OK back to the story and all this crap about the bambino I once was.

RKS 2024 Film: “The Gutter”: Full of Stereotypes and Lacking Originality

Walt (Shameik Moore), a man with few social or business skills, finds employment as general help at the dilapidated Alleycatz Bowling Alley. There he meets Skunk (Darcy Carden) on a bar stool a former female pro bowler and now a voracious consumer of beer, preferably warm for breakfast.

A city building inspector gives bowling alley owner Moselle (Jackée Harry) 60 days to bring Alleycatz up to code at an estimated cost of $200,000. Skunk notices bowling novice Walt is a crack bowler and the plan is to have him with Skunk, as his manager, win the requisite $200,000 in bowling contests to avoid the closure of Alleycatz.

Walt rises to the occasion crawling from the bottom of the bowling ranks winning successive tournaments. And what a delightful cast of characters one encounters on the way some original but most of the stereotyped genre in both black and white culture. Racists are easily spotted including the gregarious and obnoxious sportscaster Angelo (Paul Reiser).

The final match of the season is between Walt and the recent out of retirement record breaker professional bowler Linda (“The Crusher”) Curzon (Susan Sarandon). Win or lose Walt is a beacon for black bowlers and the black community. Will Alleycatz be saved?

Walt imparts a streak of WrestleMania into the staid world of bowling with bizarre costuming and antics. Could this be the future of bowling?

The plot lacks originality and is somewhat guttural. It takes skill to portray stereotypes however and that skill is in “The Gutter”.

The acting is fine with Paul Reiser as the excessively obnoxious sportscaster Angelo is a true delight. Jackée Harry as Moselle radiates warmth and genuine personality free of stereotypes. Susan Sarandon plays the role of obnoxious and self-obsessed pro bowler without a mean edge necessary for an evil character.

Directed by Isiah Lester and Yassir Lester.

You can see the trailer here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qogk2Sa3luU

Theatrical release commences 6December2024.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 71/100.

RKS 2024 Film: “Standing on the Shoulders of Kitties”: Trailer Park Boys Head Over the Pond

Bubbles’ (Mike Smith) new band “Bubbles and the Shitrockers” graduates to a provincial tour of veteran’s halls performing to handfuls of patrons in barrooms that also function as bingo halls. The Shitrockers unimpressive playlist of country-trucker music fails to generate a fan base. Then a big break playing for 100 inmates at a maximum-security penitentiary initially angering the audience with limpid country songs sending them into a massive diss when Bubbles sings a song about cats, his obsession. For the safety of the Shitrockers he quickly transitions to his somewhat infamous song about liquored up whores sparking a riot captured on video and it goes viral resulting in an invitation to be the back up band for Billy Bob Thornton’s band, The Boxmasters, on a European tour.

The Shitrockers perform in Prague, Amsterdam, Berlin, Liverpool and Glasgow. Pot bellied Randy (Patrick Roach) acting as Randy the Roadie aggravates Billy Bob’s iron fisted manager Mayhue (Tom Mayhue) to the extent he throws them off the tour in Liverpool. Bubbles’ habit of urinating on himself when he is excited and pooping in his pants on stage were the last straws. Bubbles empties his bank account to return his band to Canada and is stranded in London with Randy who disappears to raise money in a prostitutial manner for the return trip home. Bubbles successfully pleads with Julien (John Paul Tremblay)and Ricky (Rob Wells) to rescue him in London which they do. Julian clasping his rum and coke in the streets of London and Ricky harassing passerby’s for hash. Sunnyvale mannerisms run deep and loud!

Billy Bob apologizes to Bubbles for Mayhue’s tossing the Shitrockers from the tour and Bubbles, Julian, Ricky and Randy party upon the invite of Billy Bob at London’s Abbey Road Studios where Bubbles has the possibility of Billboard fame surrounded and aided by rock in rollers such as Ron Woods and Eric Burdon ending perhaps a bit sarcastically in a “Give Peace a Chance” moment.

Canadian beloved Sunnyvale Trailer Park lumpen proletarians deliver more than a few guffaws with outrageous oddball characters and unlimited antics which we became accustomed to way back so what a great event to see them again embarrassing themselves and lampooning the morality of those that criticize them. Suitable bathroom humour for 13-year-olds but admit it; it is sometimes comforting to roll back the clock and be 13 again.

Trailer Park Boys fans are accustomed to their antics. Newbies may in for a delightful shock.

Directed by Charlie Lightening.

You can see the trailer here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_gC1kI_zH8

Theatrical release 6December2024.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 84/100.

RKS 2024 Wine:  L’Étoile a Miniscule Appellation in France’s Jura

A mere 75 acres are in the L’Étoile appellation. We try a Chardonnay from L’Étoile from La Maison du Vigneron.

Aroma: Baked apple, pear, butterscotch, apricot and honey. Notes of tiring oak that has outstayed it welcome.

Palate: Makes a statement of being a unique Chardonnay. Discrete acidity. Burly yet retaining some creaminess. Full bodied without being rough. Butterscotch, vanilla and pear tartine. Moderately long finish.

Personality: I am mature and a bit beyond my prime heading towards the Grape City Senior Residence.

Food Match: King Wah Pork Roast from the famous King Wah Restaurant across the street from Montreal’s Henri-Bourassa Metro station a rare Friday night treat in my McGill University days. Pork Loin Roast covered cooking in honey, garlic, soy sauce and a good measure of Sherry served over Jasmine Rice. Was it in dinner for two or three? Haute cuisine!

Price: $27 CDN 13.50 Euros.

Cellarbility: Drink now. In the midst of decline.

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 81/100. Wine Align 89.

(L’Étoile 2020 Chardonnay, AOP L’Étoile, La Maison Vigneron, Hauteroche, France, 750 mL, 13%).

RKS 2024 Film: “Moon Under Water” (Short): Dementia and the Dance of Agonized Oppression

Jack (Tom Heyes) minds his dementia ridden uncle, Glenn (Lalor Roddy) who had taken Jack in after the death of his mother. The tables are turned as it is Jack’s choice to mind Glenn.

It is a grind of a job and Jack’s dancing which opens the short is one of pain and oppression almost as if his violent and extreme movements will drive out his sense of isolation.

His trip to the pub with Glenn is a disaster as in the moment taken to chat up Zoe (Chelsea O’Connor) whom he hasn’t seen since leaving school, Glenn sparks a fight outside the pub while pestering a patron, unaware of Glenn’s dementia) for a cigarette. Jack headbutts the patron who was slapping Glenn about and returns home with him.

At home after the pub incident Zoe shoves a note through the mail slot asking Jack to call her. Can Jack ever enter a relationship with Zoe? Perhaps his dance at the close of the film answers your question.

You can watch the dance style of Tom Heyes in Pearl City’s music video for the song “Down by the Tree” here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esDXQf9v4KU

Directed and written by Grandmas and feel free to watch this short here  https://vimeo.com/channels/bestofstaffpicks/954430734

RKS 2024 Film Rating 92/100.