“Stubb suddenly dropped all advice, and concluded with a peremptory command, ‘Stick to the boat Pip, or by the Lord, I won’t pick you up if you jump; mind that. We can’t afford to lose whales by the like of you; a whale would sell for thirty times what you would in Alabama. Bear that in mind, and don’t jump anymore’. Hereby perhaps Stubb indirectly hinted, that though man loved his fellow, yet man is a money-making animal, which propensity too often interferes with his benevolence.”
STATEMENT FROM THE HONG KONG SOCIETY AGAINST CANINE TRAFFICKING
The Hong Kong Society Against Canine Trafficking issued the following statement today.
We thank the Prime Minister of Singapore, Lawrence Wong, for creditingThe Hong Kong Society Against Canine Trafficking, for assisting in the liberation of the Canadian West Highland Terrier Rory D. Stephen.
The Society has long been involved in eradicating trafficking of canines through Hong Kong. Most of our efforts have resulted in thwarting the burgeoning canine meat trade in Vietnam. Of course, no such consumption of dog meat occurs in mainland China! Recent reports of tourists in mainland China noting Hot Dog Pot Specials in restaurants there are referring to 100% pork hot dogs.
One of our members, a baggage handler at the Hong Kong International Airport handling transferring cargo from Toronto to Singapore noticed a snarling highly shaved West Highland Terrier being abused and threatened by two burly men at Gate 24 on a Cathay Pacific flight destined for Singapore. How these men gained access to the baggage handling area remains a puzzle. Strangely they shouted to the poor Westie to “shut up” or he would be transported to Cambodia to sniff landmines. They repeatedly kicked his transport cage throwing BBQ peanuts at him swearing like truck drivers. These noted oddities resulted in an urgent communication from Cathay Pacific to Singaporean officials at Singapore Changi Airport to question the claimants of the crate imprisoning this Westie beyond a perfunctory review of their Singapore Arrival Card. From arrival at Changi the rest is “history”.
“There’s a most doleful and most mocking funeral! The sea vultures all in pious mourning, the air-sharks all punctiliously in black or speckled. In life but few of them would have helped the whale, I ween, if peradventure he had needed it; but upon the banquet of his funeral, they most piously do bounce. Oh horrible vultureism of earth! from not which the mightiest whale is free!”
BERGEN DAILY BLATHERER SENDING INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER TO SINGAPORE TO UNCOVER TRUTH ABOUT ABDUCTION OF RORY D. STEPHEN AND THE ROLE OF THE NORTH BERGEN CONSTABULARY IN THE “STEPHEN WESTIE ABDUCTION”
Curiosity and speculation swirl around the role of the North Bergen Constabulary (NBC) in the liberation of Canadian West Highland Terrier Rory Dylan Stephen currently in Singapore under the personal care of Lawrence Wong, Prime Minister of Singapore.
In a recent speech Wong praised the efforts of the NBC in the liberation of Rory so there is a spectacular North New Jersey tale to be told.
Acting chief of the NBC Corry Rupt refused any comment to inquiries of the Bergen Daily Blatherer stating we require more information from the Singapore Police Force.
Reliable and usually but not always confidential sources pointed to a local North Bergen eatery as a transit point for the abduction of Rory D. Stephen.
Newly elected Democrat in District 11 Analila Mejia promised governmental assistance in ensuring New Jersey’s reputation remains pristine stating , “It is bad enough the never ending international griping about the NJ Turnpike and Garden State Freeway.”
“I give you my word that the king has at least 500 wives or concubines. For I assure you the moment he lays eyes on a beautiful woman or girl he wants her for himself. On one occasion this led him into the shameful behaviour I will describe to you. Let me tell you that the king caught sight of a very beautiful woman who happened to be his brother’s wife. And he took her from him and kept her for himself. His brother, who was a wise man, patiently bore his wrong and did not quarrel with him; and this was why. Despite his forbearance he was repeatedly on the brink of making war with him, but their mother would show them her breasts, saying, ‘ If you fight with each other I will cut off these breasts that suckled you.’ And so the trouble was averted.”
Marco Polo (1254-1324), “Travels in the Land of Serpents and Pearls”
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF PRIME MINISTER LAWRENCE WONG’S PRESS CONFERENCE CONCERNING THE RESCUE OF RORY D. STEPHEN
From the office of Lawrence Wong Prime Minister of The Republic of Singapore
Good afternoon to members of the press.
Two days ago the Singapore Police Force (SPF) executed a search warrant at the residence of Melanie Lau of 6000ABV Orchard Road.
Rory D. Stephen, a West Highland Terrier, was found on the premises unharmed and in good spirits although a bit overweight perhaps attributable to several bowls of half consumed Singaporean Chicken and numerous wrappers from consumed Peranakan rice gluten pastries seized as evidence.
Rory is sitting to my left napping and snoring slightly.
A tip on the nose to tip of his carrot tail examination by veterinarian experts has given Rory a clean bill of health although there may have been abuse by his abductors thought to have silenced him by shouting and kicking his cage during his transport to Singapore and threatening to send him to Cambodia to be a landmine sniffer.
Ms. Lau is currently in detention and under interrogation by the SPF. Preliminary reports are that Ms. Lau did not participate in the abduction but may have been involved in a conspiracy to do so. Further details will be forthcoming from the SPF.
Although Rory was brought to safety by the matta-matta of the SPF the contributions of The Constabulary of North Bergen New Jersey, The Hong Kong Society Against Canine Trafficking and certain employees of Cathay Pacific Airlines must be noted and complimented.
The Government of the Republic of Singapore continues to work with international law enforcement agencies to combat canine smuggling in Southeast Asia.
Rory D. Stephen will be staying with me and my family until such time as his master Bob arrives in Singapore to collect his Westie and be an official guest of the Republic of Singapore. I will be presenting Rory with Pingat Jasa Berani (Medal of Valour) for his courageous acts in the next few days.
Rory will be relating his story to the Singapore Times in the upcoming days.
Thank you for attending this press conference and I remind members of the foreign press from throwing masticated gum wads on our streets!
“I can also tell you that in this whole province of Maabar there is no need of tailors or needleworkers to cut or stitch clothes, because all the people go naked all year round. For I assure you that their weather is temperate at all seasons-which is to say it is never cold or hot- and so they always go naked, except for their private parts, which the cover with a scrap of cloth. The king goes round like the others except for certain royal ornaments that I will describe to you.”
Marco Polo (1254-1324), “Travels in the Land of Serpents and Pearls”
RORY D. STEPHEN VICTIM OF ABDUCTION NOW SAFE AND WELL (BUT A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT) IN SINGAPORE
Dearest readers I have been abducted but with gratitude I am presently in the protective custody of my mata-mata friends at the Singapore Police Force (SPF). Through the tireless efforts of the SPF, the North Bergen Constabulary of New Jersey and the Hong Kong Society Against Canine Trafficking I am free again.
I will be undergoing a through veterinarian examination by Dr. Hiloo at the Singaporean Veterinarian Institute this afternoon. I have not been physically harmed but all these chunks of heavenly Singaporean Chicken and Peranakan rice gluten pasties I have been eating of late I have gained a few pounds.
Nothing better than these Peranakan pastries!
Friends this is very high-level stuff. I will be attending a press conference with Singaporean Prime Minister Lawrence Wong at 18:00 hours to further detail my abduction and the international gangs behind it.
The previous chapter has been written by a West Highland Terrier impersonating me. DISREGARD!
I am negotiating an exclusive with The Singaporean Times so you may be reading about my abduction shortly.
I will be staying with Singaporean Prime Minister Lawrence Wong for the next few days. Thank goodness I am potty trained!
“Go to the meat-market of a Saturday night and see the crowds of live bipeds staring up at the long rows of dead quadrupeds. Does not that sight take a tooth out of the cannibal’s jaw? Cannibals? Who is not a cannibal? I tell you it will be more tolerable for the Fejee that salted down a lean missionary in his cellar against a coming famine; it will be more tolerable for that provident Fejee, I say, in the day of judgement, than for thee, civilized and enlightened gourmand, who nailest geese to the ground and feastest on their bloated livers in thy pate-de-foie-gras.”
A Bird's Eye View of Fashion, Food, Travel, Culture, Beverage and Curiosity 