“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 47: Surrounded by Gypsies at Three A.M. and My Eye Spies an Old Flame and a Dacian Beauty

I had two days before my little show in Bucharest trying to introduce Romanian restaurants and liquor distributors to India’s finest whisky “Bombay Blues”. After an early dinner at the Westin’s “Vlad the Impaler’s” bistro style restaurant I decided to take an evening stroll to Herastrau Park a huge park on a lake. I discovered a charming bistro on the lake in sitting in an outdoor patio. I met the owner called Sorine and we talked for a bit. Married a few years ago he and his wife voyaged to India for their honeymoon. We had a chat and consumed a large quantity of German beer sitting in tubs of ice by each table. I invited Sorine to my upcoming Bombay Blues reception.

So I am going to relate to you a story as my publisher Wuhan Wet Market Publishing keeps inveigling me to keep amusing the readers lest they be bored. I mean haven’t you been excited and thrilled so far? Haven’t I experienced an incredible life you poor reader will never experience? Don’t read my story before you go to bed or you’ll never sleep.

So here we go to get you titillated and you can thank Wuhan Wet Market Publishing for insisting upon me relating to you this story.

Sorine and I had been chatting up a storm at his bistro whiling the night and early morning away. When Sorine closed at 2 a.m. he said that he would walk me home so off we wended through the park singing Romanian folk songs. I suppose it was the German beer talking but I was singing along in Romanian! A few minutes into our walk a group of gypsies jumped out of the bushes with their musical instruments requesting a “donation”. I wanted to blow these hucksters away but Sorine said shut up or your throat may be slit like had been done to a few tourists each year. So we enjoyed the music paid out some cash and we were on our way.

The next day while having dinner at the J.W Marriot Bucharest Grand Hotel’s J.W. Steakhouse the sommelier approached my table and asked what wine I thought I might like with my ox steak. Our eyes met and when her beautiful blue eyes stared into mine my knees went weak. No it was not because this woman was the most beautiful women in Romania but rather in my CIA operative days in Bucharest we had a month long torrid fling, I had met Corina at the Bucharest Ceausescu Technical Institute. Her father was a recent defector from the Ceausescu regime so we thought at the CIA somehow she might be useful to us which she was! But I could not blow my Indian travelling salesman cover so I held back at least knowing where to find her. But first I had to avenge Ginevra.

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned Maligned But Marvellous”:Chapter 46: Touchdown in Romania Clouded with Poop Gas: An Angry Gun Barrell Never Sleeps

I left India via New Delhi on TAROM Airlines to Bucharest. They call that flight the “Delhi Belly” as so many passengers have the trots from Indian food the airplane cabin reeks of poop!

Part of the “plan” had me darkening my skin with a couple of weeks in the Bombay sun to bleach the Welsh side of me out. Then I grew a scraggly beard and dressed “like an Indian”. If Cyclops and his Russian hoodlums were looking for Ginevra’s fiancée I did not want to foot that bill. Don Lupara’s local Romanian mafia in a desperate turf battle with the Russians had advised him Cyclops’ had reduced his security as some 7 months had lapsed since he had fled Naples. He obviously forgot the Neapolitan adage, “An angry gun barrel never sleeps.”

Using a false Indian passport I passed easily through customs and immigration at the Bucharest Airport. I took a taxi and checked in at the Westin Hotel. As I had told you I had at one point been working as a CIA operative in the old Communist Eastern Europe which included a stint in Romania canvassing the possibility of a student led uprising to topple the Ceausescu leadership or “butchership” if you wish. Ceausescu was a nasty bastard and his wife Elena was the Doctor Mengele for Romanian children. Both were shot in the head in 1989 when the communist regime was overthrown.

I planned two days in the capital city of Bucharest and then off to Constanta on the Black Sea to host a reception for local restaurateurs and liquor distributors who would tank up on Indian whisky and curried shrimp and pakoras. What a crazy bunch of people but in a happy way. Once the whisky was open it began to be consumed in great quantities. The Romanians, once deprived of any reason of gaiety seemed to want to compensate for the horrific Ceausescu days and let their hair hang down. I can’t say I was flooded with orders but you gotta start somewhere! Constanta was a dreadful place full of Ceausescu socialist architecture and sterility.

I flew back to Bucharest for another reception of potential buyers, a near attack by gypsies and an encounter with the most beautiful woman in Romania.

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 45: Back in Bombay

In September I returned to Bombay. I kept myself occupied with the various businesses I had on the go that had been managed by trusted advisors over the past few years. I had sold the gold mining business my father had built up a few years ago and diversified.

My newest business was called “Number One Outsourcing” and it was legitimate unlike all the boiler room operations selling fraud fueled fabricated dreams to suck out money from Europeans and North Americans. I had a whole host of well-educated Indians capable, with some extensive training, to fill jobs outsourced by the wealthy nations. First world corporations were in a cost cutting frenzy to pump up salaries of senior management interested in big bonus payoffs for high profits in the short term. Greed was the name of the game so why not benefit from what could not be stopped! I recall a very big client of mine. It was a huge global financial institution headquartered in Cleveland. It had actually been encouraged by American regulators to move jobs offshore as a risk reduction strategy. Sell out your domestic labour force to “protect” financial institutions. Dealing with this combination of greed and stupidity was a fine business to be in. We had vast complexes in Bombay and Punnai my company managed. Please don’t blame the Indians for hundreds of thousands of jobs outsourced to it. If you want to apportion the blame asked who did the outsourcing!

One part of the outsourcing was establishing call centres and necessary infrastructure. Many of my clients didn’t mind their customers dealing with Indian call centres despite the fact of horrific phone communication and very heavy Indian accents their customers had difficulty understanding. Who cares about these matters when profits could skyrocket.

My “Bombay Fried Okra” chain was doing well. Dress up staff in American fast foodish outfits and replicate fast food restaurant décor and assembly line food. The menu was simple. Fried curried okra and biscuits, fried curried eggplant sandwiches, Indian fries and ox milkshakes were popular. We also featured McTandoori sandwiches.

Perhaps the business that was the most rewarding but not highly profitable was managing my late mother’s music catalogue. Not known by many was the fact she had written two John Lennon songs “Curry Fields Forever” being the most popular. After John’s death his record sales rocketed and so did royalties for Juanita Wallabong my mom.

On my spare time I managed to squeeze a few polo games in with my old school chums who were working at the Bombay British Consulate.  I worked with a couple of them to start a distillery for a new Indian Scotch Whisky “Bombay Blues” which you may recall was the style of blues my mom had invented. Little did I know that whisky would feature in my Romanian plans for Cyclops.

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned But Marvellous”: Chapter 44: Cooling My Heels in the Eastern Aegean

I spent three days in Vravrona, which was close to the Athens airport, enjoying the ocean and eating plenty of grilled octopus and Greek Salads. In the evening I researched my island destination of Samos. It was a relatively small island in the Eastern Aegean at points as close as six kilometres from the Turkish coast. It had a long history of peaceful enterprising inhabitants more interested in commerce than in war. It had been occupied by the Turks for over 200 years and then the Italians and Germans in the Second World War. It was a prize tourist destination for Germans and the Dutch many of whom had been coming to the island for years each summer. Most importantly there were few Italian tourists visiting the island. Not that anyone would recognize me but my mission was to be a forgotten individual.

I took the overnight ferry from Piraeus to the capital town of Samos called Vathi. I arrived at 09:00 in the warm spring sunshine. The island was mountainous and from a distance looked parched. In Vathi I rented a car just outside the port from Nicos Rent a Car. A small Citroen. I headed off to a small town called Mytlini a 20-minute drive from Vathi. It was up in the hills and with a population of little over a thousand people. The entire village was on a hill and the streets were sloped. One small supermarket, a bakery, a convenience store and a few small shops up the hill including two tiny restaurants.

I had rented a small house from two spinster schoolteachers. It was dated and really required extensive renovations but I was lucky to have found a house to rent. The locals were a bit aghast at a half Indian half Welsh character in their midst but were welcoming. I was often invited in for coffee and vanilla on a spoon in cold water or a small plate of quince jam. It didn’t matter they spoke very little English or I almost no Greek although I was picking it up quickly by watching an awful lot of Greek television. After my afternoon nap I would head down to one of the restaurants and have a beer and some mezze which usually were slices of octopus, tomatoes and a bit of feta cheese. I would try my Greek with the patrons and they usually had a laugh at my pronunciation but a friendly and not mocking laugh. I would try my best at Greek food in my kitchen and after a few disasters I could even prepare roasted stuffed vegetables. I loved stuffed zucchini leaves.

I had three months to spend here on Samos which would include June, July and August. I wasn’t planning on sitting on my ass. Small as Samos was there was plenty to see.

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned But Marvellous” : Chapter 43: Getting the Dogs off My Scent

I met Don Lupara on my veranda overlooking the Bay of Naples. He and I both knew the coward Cyclops had fled to Romania and we knew where he was although not exactly. Although the Cyclops family was decimated and had been absorbed by other families Cyclops still had allies in Naples. Those allies and the Cyclops knew Don Lupara and I were potential threats as Calabrian’s we had vendettas in our blood.

So the first part of the plan was to create the allusion of a split between Don Lupara and I to weaken the threat of a possible joint action. The plan was to create a public rift to create the illusion of a violent split between Don Lupara and myself. Quite simple. I was to shoot Don Lupara in a heated argument in front of one of Naples most famous restaurants. I would shoot him in the arm with a blank! Fake blood would pour out and I would make an orchestrated escape on a scooter. After that I would hightail it to Greece for three months head back to India after that. I would be forgotten. No longer a threat. Then I would pay Cyclops a visit.

A few days later at the Idiota Restaurant Don Lupara and I sat at an outside table for a meal. Yes there were eyes upon us. After our grilled octopus Don Lupara started shouting at me and threw a wine bottle at my head which grazed it. With blood pouring down my face we had a loud argument. He shoved me to the ground. I stood up and shot him in the arm. The patrons took off and off I roared off in a motor scooter driven by one of Don Lupara’s men. I was driven to the outskirts of Naples and had a comfortable hidden room in a truck on its way to Athens. I arrived in Athens and checked into a cheap hotel in Vavarona  on the outskirts of Athens. My next destination was Samos a Greek Island just off the Turkish coast. Full of German and Dutch tourists but almost no Italians and no Italians if you knew where to go.

RKS Wine 2023: A Rhône White from Michel Gassier

It is difficult to dissuade me from a white wine with Viognier and Rousanne in the blend. This Château de Nages is 50% Grenache, 30% Rousanne, 15% Clairette and 5% Viognier. It rested in a combination of concrete and barrels. The cement is detectable on the palate.

Aroma: Peach, kiwi, apricot, honey and some gritty stone.

Palate: Expecting more of a tiger I get almost a soft and lush wine but its discrete acidity and Grenache Blanc keeps it in line and from becoming flabby. It is medium bodied and politically can’t seem to decide what side to take. No love handles on this wine. In fact with Rousanne and Viognier in the blend I am surprised it is not showing some pineapple and mango? Could it be the Grenache Blanc and Clairette is keeping the frivolous Viognier and Rousanne in check?

Personality: If you have come to me with Rousanne and Viognier flashing in your eyes and expecting a party ratchet down your expectations somewhat and no you won’t get a poetry reading but perhaps a retirement party sprinkled with some low-keyed fun.

Food Match: Hoppity hop there goes the rabbit. A good multi-purpose bistro wine.

Cellarability: Can improve over next year as more fruit asserts itself. Consume by the end of 2025.

In a nutshell: A white wine with gumption and presence. The Rousanne and Viognier save it from boredom.

Price: $22.95 (Ontario).

RKS Wine Rating: 88/100. jebdunnuck.com 92.

(Château de Nages Héritage Blanc 2020, Costières de Nîmes AOP, Famille Gassier, Caissargues, France, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 479659,750 ml, 13.5%)

RKS 2023 Film: “Nana’s Boys”: Intense and Suspenseful LGBTQ Relationship Film

“Nana’s Boys” is an intense and suspenseful LGBTQ “relationship film” although shouldn’t we be reluctant to so quickly label it an LGBTQ film? The film could equally be applicable to a heterosexual relationship.

Amari (David J. Cork) and Q (Jared Wayne Gladly) are two black men living together in New York City or perhaps Brooklyn. Initially Q presents a charismatic figure with specific plans and purposes in his life. He is a bit obsessive about cleanliness. He is a successful lawyer. Amari has no real purpose in his life and we quickly sense something is amiss with him as he seems distant and devoid of hope and joy and he is a bit messy to the chagrin of Q. Amari is unemployed recently having lost his job in a corporate downsizing.

A massive explosion rocks Times Square cutting off power to Amari and Q. The apparent calm and confident Q implodes into fear and suffers a panic attack as world order is shattered. He wants to hide in a closet. A is nonplussed as Q prays to God for salvation.

It was Amar’s thirtieth birthday that night and he is thankful he has been rescued from a social event planned by purposeful Q. As he is thirty now with no direction or purpose in life what is there to celebrate?

Amari and Q are marooned in their home due to a city wide lockdown so they play a memory game with photos and then a personal relationship quiz based on random questions they  pick from a bowl and answer.

It is only then that cracks in their relationship are discerned. Animosity and distrust increase in intensity but at moments in the current of hopeless and destruction their are eddies of hope only to be dashed then repaired. Be prepared for an emotional see saw on the teeter totter of a relationship. I have reviewed many LGBTG films but never one based on exploring the dynamics of a rocky relationship. Quite frankly it is riveting undulating between hope and despair that a viewer will be caught up in. And although the film is labelled as LGBTQ it goes beyond that to apply to all relationships which in my opinion is a view of the maturity of the (hate to say this) LGBTQ genre.

Both Amari and Q were raised by their grandmothers hence the name of the film “Nana’s Boys”.

“Nana’s Boys” arrives on VOD/digital platforms on February 7 and on DVD February 23.

If you are a bit shy about watching an “LGBTQ Film” it is time for you to come out of the closet!

Top notch acting.

Directed by Ashton Pina.

RKS 2023 Film Rating 90/100.

RKS 2023 Wine: Undurraga T.H. 2019 Pinot Noir from Chile

Undurraga made a stellar T.H 2019 Carignan from the Maule Valley which I rated a 93 so with anticipation we try their T.H. 2019 Pinot Noir from the Malleco Valley. It was aged 10 months in concrete eggs and neutral French oak barrels. Having tasted too few Chilean Pinot Noirs they tend to have very big profiles. Grown in red clayed and decomposed volcanic soils.

AROMATICS: You wont encounter delicate Pinot Noir aromas in this wine. There is a crescendo of ripe raspberries, black cherries and milk chocolate. Big and forceful.

PALATE: Quiet tannins. Clash of noisy black cherry and cherry nectar cymbals in happy harmony. Somewhat silky and somewhat grippy finish.

PERSONALITY: I am assertive but in no way aggressive.

FOOD MATCH: Quack. Quack.

CELLARBILITY: Expect a slight improvement over the next two years. Consume by the end of 2026.

IN A NUTSHELL: Full throttle Chilean Pinot Noir.

PRICE:   $30.95 (Ontario).

RKS 2023 Wine Rating: 92/100.

(Undurraga 2019 Terroir Hunter Pinot Noir, D.O. Vallée de Malleco, Viña Undurraga, Talagante, Chile, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 26105, 750 mL, 13.5%).

RKS 2023 Wine: Why the Grape Mystery? Burnt Ship Bay 2019 Reserve Red

Hopefully wine consumers are not horses in Central Park that need blinders on! Are not wine consumers entitled to know what grapes are being used in their wine particularly in a blend? With Burnt Ship Bay 2019 Reserve Red there is grape mystery. The label, the winery website and the Liquor Control Board of Ontario website contain no description of the grapes used in the making of the wine. Given the varying quality of some Ontario red grapes I would have appreciated a description of the grapes used in the wine.

Aromatics: Black cherry and chocolate are indicative of Cabernet Franc. Also blueberry and cassis, red plum with a hint of smoke.

Palate: There is body to the wine but Miss Universe or Mr. Beefcake 2023? Hard to tell but it does not seem to be much of a chance of this wine finishing in the top ten of those competitions. Moderate tannins. There is not much luck on the skill testing questions. In fact the wine has a flashy smile of a decent nose but the heart of it lacks coherence and it will certainly not win Miss Personality. Neither does it have any muscular biceps. It has a Don Knotts character; The Incredible Mr. Limpet!.

Personality: I have an enticing aroma but beyond that I am neither sensuous or muscular shamefully admitting I am a 99 pound weakling.

Cellarbility: None.

Food match: Friday night pizza or burgers. Code name to succinctly describe the quality of certain wines.

In a nutshell: A thin and febrile wine.

Price: $19.95 (Ontario).

RKS 2023 Wine Rating: 76/100.

(Burnt Ship Bay 2019 Reserve Red, VQA Niagara-on-the-Lake, Burnt Ship Bay Estate Winery, Niagara-on-the-Lake, LCBO # 31372, 750 mL, 13.5%)

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous:” Chapter 42: How do you Kill Another Man? The Romanian Revenge Plan

Don Lupara’s men dropped me off at the fully renovated seaside home on the Bay of Naples a wedding gift for a wedding that never took place due to Ginevra’s murder. I had to think through if I could terminate with prejudice the Cyclops who had planted a roadside explosive device that killed my sweet Campanian plum Ginevra and our unborn child. I took a bottle of Lacryma de Christi red wine and sat on the balcony watching the twinkling lights of Naples. Thinking. Thinking. After a glass of this volcanic delight I took a tour of our house. Ginevra had taken great pains to decorate in a modernist style instead of the overly gaudy Neapolitan nouveau riche style. I opened a door beside what was to be our bedroom and froze in my tracks. A quiet furious rage set my entire body and mind on fire. There was the nursery for our unborn murdered in the Cyclops’ engineered bomb blast. Now there was no doubt rage, amoral familism and a Neapolitan vendetta that were easily turning me into a killer.

I phoned Don Lupara with my intent to go ahead with the deed. All I needed was Cyclops location in Romania. Don Lupara said you just don’t wander around with a gun and shoot your target. Planning was needed so we were to meet over breakfast to discuss this plan.

What we knew about Cyclops at this point:

  • He had fled Naples to Romania and specifically to Braşov a city of some 375,000 in the province of Transylvania nestled close to the South Carpathian mountains.
  • He was working with the Russian mob using his Albanian connections to funnel low grade heroin into Braşov for the Romanian market.
  • He was engaged in human smuggling of Ukrainian and Albanian girls for the purposes of sex trafficking.
  • He was smuggling Albanians into Greece.
  • Security was very tight with local Romanian ex-soldiers in his security detail.
  • He was essentially a pedophile surrounding himself with teenage girls, all minors.
  • The Russian mob had serious enemies in Romania. The Romanian mob known as the Strigoi were in a vicious struggle with the Russians.
  • Both the Russian mob and the Strigoi had “friends” at the ministerial level of the Romanian government so extradition of Cyclops was a virtual impossibility.
  • The Russian mob and Cyclops were growing poppies in massive plantations hidden throughout Transylvania manufacturing a potent heroin called “Romanian Lightning”. The Romanian Strigoi would celebrate the death of Cyclops.

It seemed then Cyclops was not going to be an easy hit. What was Don Lupara’s plan?