“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :So What is a Bad Day For a Golf Marshall?

What is it they say about fascists? They like law and order except perhaps for The Donald who likes confusion and divisiveness! I am not a fascist but I have Mussolini moments on the golf course. Order, order and more order please. But unlike the modern-day Chinese government I simply can’t send golf etiquette offenders to re-education camps. In today’s politically correct world a negative word from a golf Marshall requires the golf Marshall to be sent to a re-education camp or more likely his or her termination.

My bad day reeks of disorder. How can it be that golfers are set apart by ten minutes for tee-off times but on the third hole they are running 20 minutes behind schedule! Laggards? Incompetents? Rude buggers? Ignorant? Selfish? Today I saw a horrific painful incident of a golfer taking four minutes to set up for a shot which he put in the creek on the first hole. It was a slow day but my soul tells me to say, “Speed it up Jack. Are you so blind to your rudeness and incompetence? And if you have to deal with la la heads you must approach them sooner or later and say you are twenty minutes slow so can you please speed it up. You would like to say that you are a stupid, ignorant and selfish prick so just hit the bloody ball. But as Marshalls are diplomats that supress and butter up the offenders who quite frankly have no thoughts other than themselves. So golfers are the problem. Or is it a system that refuses to make golf etiquette a mandatory course for golfers? One feels as a Marshall they have just signed a non-aggression pact with Hitler.

Then there is the call from the pro-shop about their problems which are always more important than your problems. Chase down a phantom single for an hour while jam ups are occurring because your search for them is more important than golf course reality according to the pro-shop. A Marshall has a better overall picture of the course than someone in the pro-shop responding to complaints. But as golf course management goes Marshalls are the lumpen proletarian. Often the pro-shop passes on valuable intelligence but often it is a call from a golfer complaining about a delay that causes them to lose their perspective. And it is how the message is conveyed to a Marshall from the pro-shop. “Get you ass out there and fix the problem.” This is not what you like to hear. One might prefer, “Looks like we have a back up on the 5th hole can you check it out as soon as you can please.”

Then there are the elements to deal with. Early spring and late fall can be viciously cold as you are zipping about in a golf cart experiencing wind chills. And the frost delays that can back up start times for three hours riling up golfers and stressing out starters and the pro-shop staff. You can dress for thirty below but even that can’t protect you from the bone chilling cold!

Then there are the puffed-up golfers who feel they have paid green fees and are entitled to do as they wish. Selfish twits.

So a bad day involves selfish and ignorant golfers, a pro-shop staff that is more concerned with the calls they receive from unhappy golfers instead of listening to a Marshall that has complete control and perspective. A Golf Marshall as a peon in a golf factory?

To top it off are the groups of complaining golfers that only think of the group ahead of them that is causing delay whereas it could be golfers many holes ahead of them which I must hunt down and politely plead to speed it up because you selfish and stupid pricks are 30 minutes behind schedule!

I suppose then a bad day is one as a Marshall that forces you to be polite and respectful to golfers that are so ignorant, selfish and self important that they simply can’t see the reality a Marshall can! Guess what you need a thick skin for a job as a golf Marshall!

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” : Tales From The Edge :Bap…. Right in the Eye!

A golfer related to me a potentially fatal story with a happy ending. He was playing with a golfer who set up behind the tee box instead of being aligned with it. Well as golf goes shots go to and fro in a crazy way and his big drive hit the ceramic post on the tee box and popped him the eye and down he went “like a sack of potatoes”. A rescue posse was sent and lots of ice later he continued his game! This reminds me of the time I was hit in the chest by a nasty slice by someone in my foursome. A crazy angle and an “impossible slice” which as it turned out was not so impossible. Such pain! A valuable learning experience. Stand behind the hitter lest you be hit. 15 inches of difference and my face may have been shattered. I went to a doctor the next day and he had a chuckle at my third breast and apologized profusely telling me at medical school he had studied a golfer hit in the face by a golf ball. His face was ruined. Golfers take care!

RKS Wine: Are Margaret River Wines from Western Australia Lighter?

I remember clearly one of my early wine instructors waxed about how much lighter the wines of the Margaret River in Western Australia were in comparison to those of McLaren Vale and Barossa. But he was also the guy that said any wine goes with turkey on the assumption that the diners were pickled by the time the turkey arrived! Oh the dangers of generalizations!

Well no harm in giving an Ebony Cabernet Shiraz from Deep Woods Estate on the Margaret River a try.

The wine has a black cherry colour and is just about purple. The nose suggests a big wine with a heavy hitting aroma of blackberry and blueberry leading the way. Subsidiary aromas of chocolate and a touch of vanilla. On the palate the tannins are minimal and there is a deft hit of chocolate covered cherries on the finish. The palate is full of cassis and blueberry pie with a mid length finish. At 5.95 grams of residual sugar per litre there is a tad of sweetness to the wine.

Drink by the end of 2022 and it would suit lamb and beef quite well or Eggplant Parmesan.

Is it lighter than a McLaren Vale or Barossa red wine? I would say yes despite the fact its nose suggests a heavy hitter wine. However one wine does not deserve such a generalization. So we’ll keep an eye peeled for some more Margaret River wines. It is well made with a deft use of oak.

By the way I would not suggest this wine with your turkey!

(Deep Woods Margaret River Ebony 2017 Cabernet Shiraz, Deep Woods Estate, Yallingup, Western Australia, $19.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 18839, 14,5%, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 92/100).

“My Life as a Golf Marshall”: So What is a Good Day as a Golf Marshall?

Perfect days are rare for a Golf Marshall! On a rare occasion I start my horrific week-end shift by cruising out in my golf cart and feel the warmth of Synchronicity! By this I mean everything is flowing beautifully! The spacing and pace is like some ballet. I have an overall picture of the entire course humming like an assembly line. No glitches. No gaps. It is a rare beauty to see and experience. The evils of hackers and the etiquette starved somehow do not exist. This beauty is rarely experienced. For example today with rain reducing golfers by 60% there is a foursome that is 20 minutes behind. Unbelievable but true!

So a perfect day is rare indeed and what gets my throttle going is a manageable problem of slow, stupid, inconsiderate or simply ignorant golfers. I am a manager at a fish processing plant. Get that assembly line flowing. Intoxicated, stoned and laggards are my challenges but I can’t fire any of them. Only encourage in a sweet and sappy voice to help me. A castrated manager! Of course, if matters get bad the golfers can phone the pro shop and complain and then my phone rings and shit I have a problem. So and so golfer knows a contact in the pro shop I then hear about it and am expected to solve a jam up despite the fact I may be working on a jam up at the opposite end of the course. It’s who you know isn’t it!

Yes I circle back and let the suffering golfers know I am working on the problem and they are appreciative of that. I say to myself isn’t amazing a newbie like me has not been fired! But at least I know customer service which is the same whether you are working on multi billion dollar financing deals or dealing with a bunch of irritable and even stoned or pickled golfers. Going back to H. Rap Brown in the nasty 1960’s in his seminal “Die Nigger Die” I am a servant stating “Yessum” and “Please Sir”.

But many a golfer will look at me and say thank you for helping me make their day better. That makes me feel like I have made their golfing experience better. That I care about them instead of a lurking and spying Marshall that says speed it up and limits golfer contact to that.

I simply want respect and I strive to give that respect to the “offenders” and the “complainers”. If I can get that and management only focuses on the problems, I think they disrespect me as one who has the best overall picture of what is going on! As Aretha Franklin song goes RESPECT!

RKS Wine: Big n Bold Cabernet Sauvignon from McLaren Vale

So many wine consumers love Australian Shiraz but shouldn’t forget Australian Cabernet Sauvignon which can range in intensity from Western Australia to South Australia. Perhaps the most intense Cabernet Sauvignons are from McLaren Vale. Unfortunately, here in Ontario great Cabernet Sauvignons are rare. So many Canadians are drawn to the allure of Californian Cabernet Sauvignons and the Liquor Control Board of Ontario feeds this allure by importing many a Cabernet Sauvignon from California but be prepared to pay $30 for a bottle if not more. The quality below that price can be spotty. Can Australia deliver in the up to $30 category?

Well let’s give a Shingleback Davey Estate Cab a try. The wine has more purple than red in it. On the nose blueberry rules the roost. There is also a big wallop of blackberry and a bit of creamy vanilla. On the palate the tannins are moderate. There are blackberries, black cherry, and blueberry pie on the palate. The finish is medium length. I just wish the finish had more clarity and precision. It is somewhat diffuse and bland which is a shame as it has such an expressive and high-quality nose. On the other hand shall one be misled by the aroma of a wine? I can be convinced with great concentration that perhaps one might credit the wine with a discrete and circumspect finish. It spent some 13 months in French oak which only really surfaces so very slightly on the nose.

Why not just come out and say this is a good wine and it gets better with aeration. How can a wine be full bodied but delicate? Oh the intricacies of wine! And to confuse matters the wine may simply be too young to drink now. Perhaps if you have a cellar put this wine away and try in 2026.Something tells me don’t give up on this wine just right now. It holds its alcohol very well!

There is no way California is winning the under $30 Cabernet Sauvignon battle against Australia although both kick Ontario Cabernet Sauvignon butt except for a few Cabs from Lake Erie North Shore. I was in Niagara-on-the-Lake a few days ago and had some “high end” Peller Signature Series Cabernet Sauvignon which simply could not stand up to this Aussie Cab. Frankly it was an expensive wimp.

(Shingleback Davey Estate Single Vineyard Cabernet Sauvignon, McLaren Vale 2019 South Australia, Shingleback Wine, McLaren Vale, South Australia, $21.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 44455, 750 mL, 14%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 90/100).

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” : Life and Death on the Golf Course

As a Marshall you are dealing with many people of all ages and sexes. There are stories of life and death that may be exchanged. One day I encountered a group of golfers in their seventies. As we chatted one brother approached me with sadness in his eyes and volunteered, “You see that guy over there. He is my brother and has advanced brain cancer and this may be one of his last rounds.” He was a “scratch golfer” and now his game is shit”. Golf is not always about fun it can be a life and death story.

RKS Wine :Nothing Dainty About McLaren Vale Reds But Can They Be Elegant?

Some wine drinkers love a big Australian Red and as I say almost every wine has a time and place! I would prefer a hearty red with a rich mushroom based vegetarian dish or with grilled beef. But I certainly wouldn’t want it with fish as it will end up tasting tinny. On the other hand a hearty red may be good for sipping as the autumn wanes into winter. Different strokes for different folks. I am more concerned that it is well made and often suggest what food matches it from my memory bank. But you are the master of your own palate.

Just to be sure about big reds from McLaren Vale we try a Paxton Shiraz Grenache which by the way is organic. It is black cherry in colour but from a distance or a white background to test its colour it looks purple often an indication of a full-bodied wine. On the nose it has a dense aroma that rises from the glass. Lots of big fat almost overly ripe strawberries, the trademark of Grenache, blackberries and jumbo Washington State cherries. On the palate there are creeping but not overwhelming tannins. There is also cassis and an attention-grabbing surround sound of freshly baked cherry pie with a hint of coal. Rather intriguing. Although a wine with 14% alcohol may be difficult to categorize as elegant, I surmise its organic composition gives it some purity and elegance if decanted.

Now the question is if this wine is a heavy hitter and if so does it simply have power? I will say that in this wine there is a balance of power and elegance. Drink it straight from the bottle into your glass and you are more likely to get power whereas if you decant it for two hours the elegance will sneak in past the finish line.

I would give this until 2027 to naturally soften. It is not that often I have to scratch my head and seriously ponder a wine but this is one of them.

(Paxton AAA Shiraz Grenache McLaren Vale 2019 (Organic), Paxton Wines, McLaren Vale, South Australia, $21.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 149898, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen, A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 92/100).

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :The Four Dickheads

As a Marshall you are bound to see dickheads in action. In this case the starter tipped me off to four “idiots” teeing off on the 10th at 8 in the morning. I approached the four gentlemen in their early thirties tattooed and in a cloud of cannabis. Their politeness was a bit odd and over theatrical calling me Mr. Marshall Sir. They wanted to play 18 holes but had only been able to book 9. They would “compensate me” (bribery?) if I would let them play 18. I declined their offer and said speak to the starter. I hear they tried to book 9 more holes at the Pro Shop and as the course was full they were unsuccessful. They took a hissy fit shouting, yelling and cursing at the pro shop . They left their carts in the parking lot full of garbage including used masks. Dickheads in action. Perhaps further adjectives are required to describe “Dickheads”. Excuse me but stick your filthy masks up your dickheaded …..es”.

RKS Films: “The Loneliest Whale: The Search for 52”

In 1992 a top-secret project of the United States Navy focusing on identifying the sounds of Russian submarines discovered a strange sound at 52 Hertz decibels. A marine biologist concluded it was a whale singing at 52 Hertz a frequency unique to whales so the thought was that this was a lonely whale. With no other whales to communicate with it was it a lonely whale? The idea of an intelligent mammal lonely in the vast expanses of the ocean captured the heart and souls of many.

Not being heard since 1993 an obsessed filmmaker sets out on an expedition to locate 52 which focuses on a team of crack marine biologists, audiologists and scientist to discover 52. The end result is a bit inconclusive but leads to the possible conclusion the expedition has seen and tagged 52 and that 52 is not alone by analyzing whale songs.

While the chase for 52 is an exciting Loch Ness type search it could be more of a study on human nature determined to solving a mystery of a lonely isolated whale. It resonates with so much of humanity this idea of loneliness and lack of belonging. Is this a search for a whale or an attempt to bridge human frailty that can be equated to an isolated whale?

If you take nothing away from the film in terms of an analysis of alienation of humanity and that of a whale you might say humanity shares concerns that alienation and loneliness is an evil that requires attention.

An exciting chase if you are operating at low intellectual levels. A disturbing categorization of humanity rejecting isolation amongst whales and themselves and between whales and humanity.

The end result of the expedition is that 52 may not be alone but there are others like him.

Also the threats to whale communication being disrupted by the underwater shipping lanes is disturbing. And a bloody historical look at the whaling industry. Why whales tolerate humans is beyond me. Butchers and extreme negligence in modern shipping lanes.

A human emotion of loneliness transferred to whales which may not be too far off as whales are social animals where family and community seems important and their songs are a unifying force of communication and navigation.

At the end of the day an exciting chase for 52 laced with warnings about human perils to whales.,

Directed by Joshua Zeman and executive produced by Leonardo DiCaprio and eleven others.

This United States film will be available to stream on October 12 on Hulu.

You can check out the trailer here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4zGRKbnVh8

Will whales ever forgive us?

“My Life as a Golf Marshall”: Tales from the Edge: Korean Noodle Soup on the 10th

This is my story: I was playing golf a few years ago as the last foursome for the year. It was a pleasant sunny but cool day in mid November. The three Korean gentlemen in my foursome decided on a snack on the 10th hole. A rather traditional practice of grabbing a bite or gulping down some water? Considering the poor quality of food at the course many bring their own food particularly the ladies who prefer salads brought from home. But the three Korean gentlemen took out a small gas burner and boiled some noodles!