“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: VICTORY PARTY WITH THE ELITE OF SINGAPORE

The Singapore Times Exclusive: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: VICTORY PARTY WITH THE ELITE OF SINGAPORE

Immediately after the winners of the Singapore Westie of the Year were announced Sir Reginald Nicomshire invited all in attendance to a large, tented area for a late lunch of various grilled meats and fish, salads and large tubs of Poor Poor and Tiger Lager: all for the “common folk” noted Bobby Jr.

That evening Nicomshire was hosting a party at his mansion and Bobby Jr. and I were invited.

Westies were running to and fro picking up crumbs and chunks of fallen meat. I rather liked Raffles who wasn’t bothered by his disqualification for performance enhancing drugs in his urine courtesy of Bobby Jr.’s syringe of “juice”. He invited me to vermin hunt in the kitchens of Raffles Singapore Hotel. Sounded like an activity to look forward to and of course to preserve the hotel’s reputation we had to keep that on the sly! I was flabbergasted to hear a team of Westies were operating at the hotel to hunt cockroaches and uncover colonies of bed bugs. Thank goodness none of this scandalous activity was occurring at Singapore Shangri-La.

After a chunk of satay chicken Bobby and I headed to the Chi, the spa at Singapore Shangri-La which for me was a grooming and bath in jasmine scented water while Bobby Jr. had a hot stone massage and manicure. When you are invited to Sir Reginald Nicomshire’s Good Class Bungalow (GCB) in the Bukit Timah area of Singapore you better look and smell like a million bucks Bobby Jr. remarked.

At 19:00 a Jaguar, chauffeured by a beautiful Malay woman picked us up transporting us to Nicomshire’s GCB.

Nicomshire greeted us at the door, gin and tonic in hand, Prunella his well preserved and quite pickled wife at his side. I was picked up and given a hug by Nicomshire whilst Prunella moaned, “My allergies!”

Nicomshire introduced us to many guests mostly the political and financial elite of Singapore. So many governmental types from the ruling Political Action Party. Senior ministers with protégés most of them Presidential scholarship students destined for power and prestige in the Singapore family compact as in Singapore government is described by many as a “family business”.

While cocktails and champagne flowed several members of the Singapore Symphony Orchestra played soothing background music.

Bobby Jr. knew many of the guests and chatted amiably with many of them. I wonder why! As there were no other dogs Bobby Jr. undid my lease and said enjoy the back lawn noting it was fully enclosed with an 18-foot fence and no exit points. Not taking his word on this, I meandered about and yes indeed no chance of escape but again what would I do and where would I go if I escaped?

Dinner was served in a large tent in the back lawn and guests ate at tables in the airconditioned comfort of the ballroom entertained by Jazz Quartet Singapore. Just about any type of food you desired including specialities like Malaysian crocodile steaks, Pernakan Pizza, Singapore Duck, Cambodian Chicken a la Pol Pot, Orchard Street Orangutang and Indonesian Wild Snake Curry. I enjoyed the Cambodian chicken with my usual bowl of Evian which the servers were attentively filling as needed. A huge slice of seedless watermelon cooled one down beautifully.

As we were about to leave Madame Fong appeared in a spectacular Mary Quant gown and some heavy-duty jewellery. I am sure all that sparkled was real.

She was engaged in an animated conversation with Sir Nicomshire like old friends who tend to argue bitterly from time to time. What were they arguing about? Who is this Madame Fong? Who is Sir Reginald Nicomshire? How did I fit into this all?

RKS Literature: What are Dreams? (Thomas Nasche)

“A dream is nothing else but a bubbling scum or froth of the fancy; which the day hath left undigested; or an after feast made of the fragments of an idle imagination. A dream is nothing but an echo of our conceits in the day. In them all states, all sexes, all places are confounded and meet together. When all is said and done, melancholy is the mother of dreams, and of all terrors of the night whatsoever.”

Thomas Nasche (1567-1601), “Terrors of the Night”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: AND THE WINNER OF THE SINGAPORE WESTIE OF THE YEAR IS……

The Singapore Times Exclusive: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN AND THE WINNER OF THE SINGAPORE WESTIE OF THE YEAR IS……

Up at 05:00. Breakfast delivered to our suite. Lots of watermelon. Chopped boiled chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. A meal fit for a champion Booby Jr. chuckled as he downed a litre of durian juice with a generous addition of vodka and a large steak with two fried eggs on it.

The car was brought round to the hotel entrance and we proceeded to Punggol Waterway Park the site of the competition. The heat was mounting as we parked and made it along The Waterway to the competition field.

Checking in at the registration booth I eyed my fellow West Highland Terrier competitors. They numbered 63 in total. Most were on the short side with stumpy legs and the poor fellows looked overheated already panting away. So much for Singaporean Westies thriving in the tropical heat. Cute Westie longhairs but no way to maintain coolness. I had been shaved down USMC style prior to my abduction so I was as cool as a Westie could possibly be. The Singaporean Westies appeared lethargic but I was pepped up and ready to fire on all cylinders despite the fact all the judges had been “convinced” by Bobby Jr. to ensure I would be the champion. Now to be fair, I was so hyped up with adrenaline from all the stress an abduction generates I felt I could run to Malysia and back. Not that these Singaporean Westies were cute but stupid but the tropics seemed to have dulled them. Does a Scottish highland dog belong in the tropics?

The minimum age for entry was one year and at 9 months forged Singaporean Canine Breeder papers aged me just a bit. My assumed name was “Cuddle Cakes” the name Madame Fong had pinned me with.

We sidled past ruddy faced Brit Sir Reginald Nicomshire a Singaporean shipping magnate and chairman of the organizing committee who gave us a nod and a wink. Nicomshire was “Westie mad” but his wife Prunella forbade any dogs in their mansion. Those who can’t have Westies associate around with those that can! A Westie groupie?

At 07:00 the competition started with the Good Looks competition. My muscular body, cute brown eyes, beautifully proportioned ears and my wet twitchy nose outclassed (in my opinion) the rest of the Westies.

Intelligence was based on beans in a cup. Three upside down cups. We watched a man cover a bean with a cup and mix the cups around on a table. We were to snout the cup with the bean. Easy win.

Being closely shorn cuddleability was not my forte and having a bit of remaining puppydom in me I was a tad squirmy. Raffles, a porty but extremely agile Westie must have won that competition. Raffles was the mascot of the Raffles Hotel in Singapore and was, amongst other things, a greeter of guests at the hotel so he had the charming skills down to perfection. Perhaps all those treats thrown his way by appreciative guests made him a bit portly?

The begging skills competition was very close with Raffles putting in a jolly effort. My eyes are my best begging weapon although I did let out a bit of a bark at a chunk of chicken that was waved in front of my nose. Points deducted I’m sure.

Not even close in the compatibility with other dogs competition as Raffles being a true Singaporean Westie known to many of the competitors. I was, after all, a foreigner in the mix if you looked beyond the forged Singaporean Canine Breeder papers.

I felt it was close on the vermin and rat hunting competition but again Raffles put on a good show. No wonder! I heard a few of the onlookers mumble there were more rats at Raffles Hotel Singapore than anyone wanted to admit. Guess who chased them!

Speed was my game! Long legs, muscular and lean. Poor Raffles, portly as he was, lumbered on panting heavily. Probably could have used some canine Ozempic.

The judges retired to muse over the results.

While Bobby Jr. was downing a Durian cocktail at the refreshment tent I noticed a skinny man with a horrid complexion leaning into Bobby Jr.’s ear. His faced clouded over. I later learnt that Raffles had won in total points. One of the “compensated judges” had a serious traffic accident en route to the competition and the substitute judge, cousin of the manager of the Long Bar at Raffles Singapore was just a bit biased in favour of Raffles.

I saw Bobby Jr. place a small packet into the skinny poor complexioned man’s hand.

I had placed second overall and a urine test was administered to the top four Westies. We all passed but wouldn’t you know it. Raffles’ urine was found to contain performance enhancing drugs. The skinny poor complexioned man was later given a wad of cash by Bobby Jr. in the parking lot. That syringe of his did the trick.

We gathered in front of the stage to hear the announcement congratulating Cuddlecakes as the Singaporean Westie of the Year. I received a small solid gold medal with an inscription “Cuddlecakes Singaporean Westie of the Year”.

Bobby Jr. gave me a big hug and with a sly smile and said, “Well done my friend. This is just the means to what may be a bad end.” Was there a connection with the poison he had been conversing about on his mobile telephone last night.

Off to the post event reception at the mansion of ruddy faced Brit Sir Reginald Nicomshire.

RKS Literature: The Devil: Master of Disguise! (Thomas Nasche)

“It will be demanded why in likeness of one’s father or mother, or kinsfolks, he often presents himself unto us.

No other reason can be given of it but this, that in those shapes which he supposeth most familiar unto us, and that we are inclined to with a natural kind of love, we will soon harken to him than otherwise.

Should he not disguise himself in such subtle forms of affection, we would fly from him as a serpent and eschew him that hatred he ought to be eschewed.”

Thomas Nasche (1567-1601), “Terrors of the Night”

RKS Literature: The Tramp Monster and Sinister Chinaman (George Orwell)

“In childhood we have been taught that tramps are blackguards, and consequently there exists in our minds a sort of ideal or typical tramp-a repulsive, rather dangerous creature, who would die rather than wash, and wants nothing but to beg, drink and rob hen-houses. This tramp-monster is no truer to life than the sinister Chinaman of the magazine stories, but he is very hard to get rid of. The very word ‘tramp’ evokes his image. And the belief in him obscures the real questions of vagrancy.”

George Orwell, “Down and Out in Paris and London”, 1933.

RKS Literature: The Devil’s Reign is Nighttime (Thomas Nasche)

“It is not to be gainsaid but the devil can transform himself into an angel of light, appear in the day as well as in the night, but not in this subtle world of Christianity so usual as before. If he do it, it is when men’s minds are extraordinarily thrown down with discontent, or inly terrified with some horrible concealed murder or other heinous crime close smothered in secret. In the day he may smoothly in some mild shape insinuate, but in the night he takes upon himself like a tyrant. There is no thief that is half so hardy in the day as in the night: no more is the devil. A general principle it is, he that doth ill hateth the light.”

Thomas Nasche (1567-1601), “Terrors of the Night”

RKS ONTARIO WINE: And Now for Something Completely Different: Rosewood Blau

There is Blaufränkisch galore in Austria and Germany but when encountered in Canada think of Monty Python’s “And Now For Something Completely Different”.

Thank goodness for that incessant Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot in Ontario becomes boring.

Three cheers to Rosewood for a Blaufränkisch.

Cool label art by Liam Goslett.

Don’t panic as it is not fined nor filtered so it is a bit murky.

Serve chilled but not cold.

Aroma: Smoky. Grapey. Cranberry. Lowney chocolate covered cherry.

Palate: Tart. Thin. Juicy. Short but peppery and penetrating finish really begging for food.

Personality: Fresh. Sassy.

Food Match: Grilled chicken wings coated with Madoo’s jerk sauce with a side of field tomato salad.

Cellarbility: Consume up to mid 2027.

Price: $25 CDN.

RKS ONTARIO WINE RATING: 86/100.

(Rosewood 2023 Blau, VQA Niagara Lakeshore, Rosewood Winery, Lincoln, Ontario, 750 mL, 11%).

RKS Literature: Revenge of the Tramps for Their “Free” Tea at the Evangelical Church (George Orwell)

“It was a queer rather disgusting scene. Below were the handful of simple, well-meaning people, trying hard to worship; and above were the hundred men whom they had fed deliberately making worship impossible. A ring of dirty, hairy faces grinned down from the gallery, openly jeering. What could a few women and old men do against a hundred hostile tramps? They were afraid of us, and we were frankly bullying them. It was our revenge upon them in having humiliated us by feeding us.”

George Orwell, “Down and Out in Paris and London”, 1933.

RKS Literature: The Night is the Devil’s Black Book (Thomas Nasche)

“As touching the terrors of the night, they are as many as our sins. The night is the Devil’s Black Book, wherein he recordeth all our transgressions. Even as, when a condemned man is put into a dark dungeon, secluded from all comfort of light or company, he doth nothing but despairfully call to his mind his graceless former life, and the brutish outrages and misdemeanours that have thrown him into that desolate horror, so when night in her rusty dungeon hath imprisoned our eyesight, and that we are shut separately in our chambers from resort, the devil keepeth his audit in our sin-guilty consciences, no sense but surrenders to our memory a true bill of parcels of his detestable impieties.”

Thomas Nasche (1567-1601), “Terrors of the Night”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom” : THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: A DAY OF REST AND SHOPPING SINGAPORE STYLE BEFORE THE SINGAPORE WESTIE OF THE YEAR CONTEST

The Singapore Times Exclusive: A DAY OF REST AND SHOPPING SINGAPORE STYLE BEFORE THE SINGAPORE WESTIE OF THE YEAR CONTEST

The penultimate day prior to The Singapore Westie of the Year contest!  Bobby Jr. had explained to me the events of the competition and as for Vermin and Rat Hunting you may recall Bobby Jr. gave me some training chasing rats at pathways near the Elias Mall in Pasir Ris. Vermin hunting is instinctual and I had the best instincts. Nearly nabbed a squirrel and a rabbit in Toronto before my abduction!

Bobby Jr. and I had our breakfast in-suite at the Singapore Shangri-La. Bobby wanted to ensure I was fully hydrated for the upcoming competition as the events were outdoor ones and Singapore can fry both canines and humans in a flash. I should revise that to “melt” due to a combination of high heat and humidity. So plenty of cool watermelon on my plate with my beloved chicken congee. Love that stuff.

Off in Bobby Jr.’s Mercedes to the Peranakan enclave in the Katong Area. Singapore’s Peranakan heritage refers to the rich and unique culture of the Peranakans, also known as the Straits Chinese or Straits-born Chinese. The community has a distinctive heritage combining elements of Chinese, Malay and Indonesian cultures. The term Peranakan refers to the descendants of Chinese immigrants who came to the Malay Archipelago, including Singapore between the 15th and 17th century and intermarriage created a unique hybrid culture. We visited a combo museum and sweet shop where we heard about the history of the Pernakans and preparation of the traditional kueh chang a bite sized tart filled with pineapple jam. Bobby let me have a nibble of the kueh chang despite Madame Fong’s instructions of “NO SWEETS”. I could have gobbled a couple of these delicious sweets. Bobby Jr. had his 12 Monkies Cambodian tea with his sweets and Evian water for me.

Bobby drove us to a huge high rise shopping mall called Ion which I think he said was once the site of the Thai Embassy. Shopping is part of Singaporean culture and on Madame Fong’s to do list. Bobby purchased some clothes for our upcoming trip on the Eastern Orient Express. The shops treated Bobby Jr. like the King of Siam pouring Champagne and serving delicious treats in private showing rooms. All paid for with wads of cash.

Eleven floors of shopping bliss and my fist ever trip to a “shopping mall”. Locals, well heeled types, and tourists from all over the world. Two floors of high-end restaurants and the “food court” in the lower level was spectacular with all varieties of well-prepared Asian food. I had a tiny bowl of chicken ball soup with a spoonful of lightly spiced Singaporean noodles.

Life may be delightfully bizarre but I am still a prisoner!

A tiring day so back to the Shangri-La for an in-suite light supper and a wonderful Disney Film “Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” I have seen a dozen times before but could watch a dozen times more as after all the novel of the same name and  the screenplay was written by Bob. If only he could watch me at tomorrow’s competition! If only he could be here now….but he isn’t….no time for sentimentality!

I drifted off to sleep overhearing Bobby Jr. in a long discussion about the most effective poisons?