“Though he was an idler who might as well spend his time in the mountains as anywhere, he looked upon mountain climbing as almost a model of wasted effort. For that reason it pulled at him with the attraction of the unreal.”
Yasunari Kawabata, “Snow Country”, 1956
(SPOOF EXCLUSIVE)
Our reporting team at the Saudi Arabian meetings to end the Ukraine conflict has unearthed what appears to be a tentative outline of a peace plan. Our Spoof team found the plan handwritten on looseleaf fullscap on the floor of a toilet stall at a McDonalds on King Pooba Street in Riyadh. A courier for the United States government on his way from the central meeting room stopped for a Double Camel Cheeseburger and a date shake at the McDonalds and unused to foreign food had a violent case of the runs running to the toilet moaning and groaning enveloped by great clouds of fetid gas and fumes. In his despair, his stupefaction from the gas and violent contortions a very important paper must have fallen out of his possession and was located by the Spoof team.
The handwritten notes, unfortunately splattered with human waste including date pits, fully explain the reasoning behind the attendance of the Turkish, Israeli, North Korean and Peoples Republic of China delegation. Here is what Spoof makes of its find.
The United States of America
The Russian Federation
The Peoples Republic of China
Israel
Turkey
North Korea
Spoof reminds readers what is found on the floor may not be worth a hill of beans but we are on the story ahead of everyone as usual.
The Ebola outbreak with a ground zero thought to be the The Toronto Blue Jays spring training camp in Dunedin, Florida has roared out of Florida with cases and fatalities being reported in Texas, Alabama, Arkansas, Missouri and Louisiana.
Official United States governmental sources have pointed to Amy Pickenbobber, (pictured here at The Municipal Pool in Guantanamo Bay) a Canadian first grader visiting her idols The Toronto Blue Jays at the ballpark in Dunedin as being ground zero for “Bluejayosis” as President Trump has referred to the Ebola disease. Victims hemorrhage to death and die writhing in a pool of blood. Pickenbobber is currently a guest of the United States at VIP accommodations at the United States Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay. Apparently hostage exchange negotiations are currently underway between Canadian and American governmental officials.
President Donald Trump, currently enjoying a vacation with Russian President Vlad Putin on the Black Sea convened a hasty press conference to praise the outbreak’s beneficial effect on strengthening the Golden Age. He stated in part, “Canadians have started this very bad flu, Bluejayosis, in Dunedin Florida using a cute and supposedly innocent first grader Pickenburger and a can of flu bug germs hidden in a can of Canada Dry Gingerale to spread disease throughout the United States. Pickenburger is where she should be as a untrustworthy alien enjoying American hospitality at our Marine base in Squatanamo Bay. Americans need not fear. We went through the Spanish Flu here in 1967 wreaked upon us by a Mexican grape picker Caesar Chavez. The flu only makes Americans stronger through improving genetics. Those who survive this flu pass on their stronger genes to future cadres of the Golden Age. The weak will not survive. The strong are the core of our Golden Age. Our leading Secretary of Health Rob Bubblehead has advised me to treat this flu as anything more serious is an attempt by left wingers to discredit my administration and denigrate the work of my Special Advisor Moron Tusk who has rationalized the health bureaucracy in the United States by eliminating it. We should follow his recommendation of avoiding the wearing of masks, washing hands and visiting wet markets and instead make yourself a cup of hot tea with two ounces of Tennessee bourbon and going to bed early.”
Delegations from Israel, North Korea and Turkey have arrived in Riyadh. It is uncertain what role they have in relation to the settlement of the Ukrainian conflict. The Saudi Arabian Foreign Ministry acknowledged not only the presence of these delegations but the earlier arrival of a delegation from the People’s Republic of China they initially had stated were Chinese businessmen investigating the possibility of establishing a chain of Chinese restaurants in the Kingdom. No answer was given by Saudi officials as to why these delegations had arrived.
In a press conference this morning President Donald Trump said only, “Get ready for a deal baby. I love a deal. America loves to watch me dealing.”
A small group of anti-Russian demonstrators, Greek students on a exchange programme were seen outside The Hilton Desert Inn in Riyadh where many of the American and Russian delegation were staying. Sources say they were rounded up and have yet to be heard from. The Saudi Foreign Ministry stated the group were most likely fossil fuel haters and to hate fossil fuel is an affront to the King subject to beheading.
A blend of 38% Cabernet Franc, 35% Cabernet Sauvignon and 27% Merlot. 13% of the blend was dried out in the appassimento fashion. Matured in French oak for 18 months.
Aroma: You can certainly discern slight richness in the aroma imparted by the appassimento influenced portion of the blend giving the wine a richness it would not otherwise have. Black cherry rules the roost with black currant, blueberry and vanilla.
Palate: Despite some of the richness on the nose the palate presents itself as stern hiding its fruit. Grippy tannins in that they cling lightly to the palate. Blackberry and cassis. Short and austere finish.
Personality: On my nose you might think of me as a softy but as far as marching I am a tough Canadian Highlander.
Food Match: Built for food and not sipping. Meaty pizza or Pasta a la Norma.
Cellarbility: Will tramp into 2027 nicely.
Price: $21 CDN.
RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine Rating: 88/100. Natalie MacLean Community Score 88.
(Kew Vineyards 2020 Soldier’s Grant, VQA Niagara Peninsula, KEW Vineyards Estate Winery, Beamsville, Ontario, 750 mL 14.5%).
Scarborough is one of those “distant” suburbs of Toronto so far away from Toronto it is sometimes referred to as Scarberia. Not a great reputation among many of us Torontonians. My sole experience with Scarborough is that it is a landmark for me driving home from Montreal on the 401 Highway ironically signalling I am back in Toronto!
In “Morningside” we have similar issues to black inner city American films but the similarity ends with genre identification. We have the drug dealers, the gun violence and tragic collateral damage to the innocents but all in a truly Canadian fashion if I may label it gritty, rough, honest and highly believable. Ain’t no Hollywood going on here.
Although initially you might conclude there are too many characters and subplots in “Morningside” its slowness is measured and gels into excellence concluding in an overwhelming tragic fashion.
This “oh so Canadian” production has an excellent cast with Ki Ki Hammill as Amber a standout. A splash of brightness and sparkle!
Directed by Ron Dias it has a Canadian theatrical release 21February2025 and a multi theatre release in Detroit 28February2025. RKS 2025 CANADIAN Film Rating 93/100.
Cover Photo Courtesy of The Impact Series.
Two days ago violence crazed Canadians uselessly opposing becoming the 51st state of our glorious United States smashed up McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in a Canada wide spasm of anti-Americanism.
Added to the illogical generalized hostility towards the United States the unruly mobs protested the “quarantine” and transportation of Guelph Ontario grade one student, Amy Pickenbobber to United States naval quarantine facilities in Guantanamo Bay. The little Canadian saboteur was no doubt sent by the leader of the igloo people, Pierre Elliot Justin Trudeau, to the Toronto Blue Jays training camp in Dunedin Florida with Ebola virus concealed in her Dr. Pepper can. 3,456 residents of Dunedin and 14 members of the Toronto Blue Jays baseball team including star slugger Happy Guadalajara have died felled by Bluejayosis.
Many of the glazed eye attackers, such eyes no doubt affected by fentanyl so prevalent in Canada, gushed further hatred as a result of what they call the “murder” of Sonny Blister, the President of the Canadian Snowbirds Association at his winter home in Palm Springs California. Police reports call his disappearance a missing persons case with strong suspicions he fled up to the mountains with Maria Jiminez a ultrasound technician at the Palm Springs Eisenhower Centre of Prostate Management. Leads by the Palm Springs Police Department report Jiminez and Blister were seen smooching and cuddling at the Pig and Rooster Restaurant in the late evening hours the day before his disappearance.
In response to this violence the United States Department of Homeland Paranoia has today required all Canadians entering the United States to obtain a special untrustworthy alien visa and is requiring all Canadian residents residing in the United States to register as untrustworthy aliens with local police departments.
Readers should note The Voice of the Golden Age is the successor to the now disbanded and fraud plagued Voice of America. It is privately owned by the Renard Broadcasting Corporation and under contract to the United States Department of Homeland Paranoia.
The United States Department of Homeland Paranoia announced today effective immediately all Canadians travelling to the United States of America will require a special “Untrustworthy Alien Visa CDN-6”. The visa will cost $999USD.
All Canadian residents currently in the United States will be required to register as Untrustworthy Aliens at local police offices.
Minny Xenophobia of Homeland Paranoia stated, “The riotous rampage of Canadian Marxists yesterday attacking McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in Canada is tantamount to an attack of core Golden Age American values President Trump is instilling in the hearts and souls of Americans. Canadians are untrustworthy and a visa is one way of controlling the poisonous spread of Marxism in the United States by violent Canadians.”
The president of the Canadian Snowbirds, Sonny Blister, residing in Palm Springs California could not be reached for comment. His wife, Plumpy Blister, said he was last seen yesterday heading for his morning climb on the Rancho Mirage Trail 67. His water bottle and blood splattered hat was last seen at a rest station on the trail but no trace of Blister.
Thousands of ordinarily polite Canadians took to the streets yesterday denouncing the imperialistic ambitions of American President Donald Trump currently cavorting bare-chested on a magnificent stallion with President Vladimir Putin at the President’s villa on the Black Sea celebrating the partition of Ukraine.
The core of this Canadian fury centred around the detention and kidnapping of Guelph, Ontario’s Amy Pickenbobber by MAGA Patriot Squads on 10February2025 on the allegations she intentionally infected spectators at the Toronto Blue Jays training camp in Dunedin, Florida with the Ebola virus concealed in her can of Dr. Pepper and transported in a cargo plane, The Detainee Express, to Guantanamo Bay for “quarantine”.
Pickenbobber’s status is unknown and requests for updates by Spoof to The United States Department of Homeland Paranoia remain unanswered. Unconfirmed reports received from Spoof sources indicate a hostage exchange is in the works and is currently being negotiated by the Commander of the Guantanamo Bay military facility and the City Manager of Guelph where Pickenbobber will be released in exchange for ownership rights of all spring water in the Municipal Township of Guelph being ceded to the United States.
Canadian “patriots” a term mockingly referring to Trumpian heroes of Sixtember has been adopted by Canadian rioters who smashed windows of McDonald’s Restaurants in major urban areas of Canada and numerous Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in Surrey British Columbia. In Niagara Falls Canadian patriots demanded all Americans immediately drive back to their home over the bridge.
Once upon a time President Oran Crapaud was a middling entrepreneur specializing in bankruptcy and screwing countless suppliers by pulling the plug on what he had started through declarations of bankruptcy. Whatever he could hawk he did whether it be ties, hotels, golf courses or promoting Miss America contests.
Somehow, he landed a television show: No not a wholesome “Bedtime for Bonzo” but “Humiliation of Your Subordinates” where the United States had the opportunity to witness a cruel and savage man denigrating and humiliating contestants. For some reason the audience lapped up his crudeness perhaps thinking it was an act. Was it really?
Crapaud trademarked bombastic crudeness and never looked back. Eating BBQ dog with North Korean luminaries, insulting anyone that challenged him in any way, inciting mobs to go on destructive rampages, threatening countries with annexation, making outrageous suggestions as to a Kung Flu cure, waving upside down Bibles, having affairs with movie stars, committing criminal acts, making outrageous claims of persecution and so forth and so on. An alien might have called him irrational and politely put “well off centre” but he was in the spotlight and many Americans have an unhealthy obsession for entertainers and he basked in its warm light. Crapaud became a performance artist a real John Wayne of the political world. Bigger than life and worshipped by many and treated as a buffoon by others.
If Crapaud’s goal was to continually frolic in the limelight he certainly accomplished that. Divert the masses with a theatre of the absurd and they wouldn’t have time to realize his cult of personality was simply a smokescreen for his ultimate goal of dictatorship. The unavoidable reality about Crapaud is that his fame was grounded in negativity.
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