Melania’s Melatonin Hits Late Night Infomercial Circuit: Blissful Sleeps in Times of Stress! : Des Moines: 3March2025: Spoof News Services:

Spoof has received several complaints from Canadians, Danes, Greenlanders and Mexicans about late night infomercials hawking “Melania’s Melatonin”.

The First Lady is seen beaming waving the American flag explaining there are huge amounts of stress in the world particularly in Greenland, Denmark, Canada and Mexico because of the dismal failure of so many to believe the Golden Age which not only applies to the United States but the entire world. In bible thumping fashion Melania Trump waves the American flag and shouts, “BELIEVE!”

The International Supplement Regulatory Authority based in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan warns consumers to be aware of this supplement that is crossing borders in mass quantities and causing severe diarrhea sickening thousands. In addition to a miniscule amount of melatonin in the capsules there are traces of North Korean ginger and Kentucky corn syrup.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada admonished President Trump threatening a complete boycott of American iceberg lettuce until the Canada United States border was shored up to stop the flow ravaging Canada and sickening thousands. “Get your Blackhawks and National Guard out there, not to invade us, but to stop this plague. There are thousands of people soiling themselves all over the world because of this poison.”

Spoof has learnt in total six bottles of Melania’s Melatonin entered Canada in the last three days. Mr. Trudeau vowed to heighten his anti-melatonism rhetoric until Canada was free of this vicious supplement and if this is not done Vermont will become a Canadian province.

Greenland added to the furor by halting all shipments of whale blubber to the United States a crippling blow to American fast-food restaurants for fast frying so much fast food. A 436% American tariff on Canadian canola oil has made fast frying in the United States unaffordable. The substitute pork lard is not being received well by American consumers.’

White House Photo by Regine Mahaux.

Moscow’s Oligarch Hall of Fame Inducts Donald J. Trump as New Member: 3March2025: Spoof News Services: Stalingrad

Moscow’s Oligarch Hall of Fame today announced a new member Donald Trump, President of the United States.

Moscow’s Oligarch Hall of Fame Chairman Petros Polievchinsky, nephew of President Vladimir Putin, made the announcement in a press conference at the Melania Marriot in downtown Stalingrad yesterday evening.

Polievchinsky toasting President Trump with a large glass of Kentucky bourbon (that Canadians refrain from drinking) provided the following reasons for the induction:

  • Bypassing the legislative process in the United States and ruling by executive order
  • Appointing “special advisers” to destroy the American bureaucratic infrastructure
  • Muzzling the media by controlling access by it to the Presidency
  • Appointing the uneducated and bizarros to his cabinet to make them more easily manipulated
  • Slapping around that insolent Ukrainian pig
  • Threatening all who “mercilessly persecuted” him
  • Stacking the federal courts with lackeys
  • Bullying and mocking long time friends and allies like Canada and offering a peace branch by graciously allowing them to be the 51st state
  • Using great sounding excuses like fentanyl and tariffs to run roughshod over Mexico and Canada where the fentanyl problem is insatiable American demand by dropouts from the Golden Age
  • Calling our President Vladmir Putin “a really great guy”
  • Promulgating a new ideology of a “Golden Age” as a rationale to guide the feeble masses
  • Attempting the overthrow of a validly elected President in the glorious Sixtember incident
  • Upon losing an election claiming it was solen from him
  • Avoiding criminal prosecution for many acts
  • Being extremely savvy in letting fall guys like Musk do his dirty work so he could avoid taking the fall

Polievchinsky noted President Trump obtains gold status membership behind President Putin who holds platinum status. Those current living members holding bronze status are Kim Jong Um Supreme Leader of North Korea, Victor Orbán Prime Minister of Hungary, President Lukashenko of Belarus and President Erdoğan of Turkey.

Humanitarian Aid Blockade of Palestine to End: Trump Says the United States Has a Heart: Spoof News Services. 3March2025

At a White House briefing this afternoon President Trump explained to a docile and controlled media group (that Spoof has been barred from) the United States has a heart and will soon have aid flowing into Southern Palestine.

President Trump took pains to say he has many friends in Palestine and they are great people. Great people that he loves and cares about and to show it Palestinians are to “be eating like kings and not those bready pancake type things they eat but truck loads of Wonder Bread and Hamburger Helper, real high quality American food that healthy obese Americans enjoy everyday. And we’ll be sending Ozempic so they can feast like kings and not become overweight!”

President Trump said that all food will be available from Khan Younis and southward enabling all Palestinian lands northward to be transformed into a modern “civilized place”. Trump added, “All good mannered and decent Palestinians will head southward like hungry dogs looking for food. Those that remain are Hamas terrorists and my good friend BiBi in Tel Aviv will control the situation to make the area safe for development. No president has come this close to impose lasting peace in the area and it is all being done by me.”

Spoof reports that 3 large American cargo planes arrived yesterday at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv and some 15 small vans marked “Kushner Crushem Realty” were later seen parked at Tel Aviv’s Trump Tower Hotel.

As President Trump has ruled by executive order “bypassing the messy legislative process” he has so many on his desk it is uncertain when the necessary executive orders will be signed.

No comment was made by President Trump when and if the displaced Palestinians will be permitted to return but comments were made by White House Press Secretary Sally Tropjuene that President Trump knows how to build the “best walls.”

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine: 180 Gamay Noir from Niagara

Aroma: Intense black cherry, raspberry, strawberry and milk chocolate in a light smoky framework. If you like cherry shouting in your face this wine is for you!

Palate: Light on the tannins with charming streaks of cherry, blackberry and faint rhubarb. Oh for just a bit more fruit and we be flirting with spectacular!

Personality: I am out for a good time and will hook you in with my cherry pedigree. But when you look under the hood and taste me you might wish what was on the nose fully carried through on the palate.

Cellarbility: Drink in 2025.

Food Match: Quack. Quack. No not Trump but a duck.

Price: $24 CDN.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine Rating:  90/100.

(180 One-Eighty Estate Winery 2021 Gamay, VQA Creek Shores, One-Eighty Wines, Jordan, Ontario, 750 mL, 12.5%)

Zelensky White House Debacle: Marjorie Taylor Greene Injured in Fracas with Elon Musk: Washington:28February2025: Spoof New Services

Spoof reporters on site at the White House awaiting a post Zelensky-Trump meeting photo-op witnessed a horrific accident.

Elon Musk and Marjorie Taylor Greene, “woman about Washington” stationed outside the door of the White House Fireplace Room were exchanging insults during the Zelensky-Trump meeting. Greene calling Musk a useless drain on the backs of the United States taxpayers. Musk retorted, “I am not on the payroll you nitwit. You are and you have a nothing useless job.” Greene responded Musk was of fraudulent and corrupt disposition and why does he wear that stupid hat as we all know you are bald. Musk repaid the insult saying unflattering remarks about her bleached blonde wig.

Then on the screen outside the fireplace room both Musk and Greene watched Vice President J.D. Vance and President Trump humiliate themselves in Zelensky’s presence which enraged both Musk and Greene and they shouted, “Hang the bastard like we should have done with Pence”. Musk revved up his chainsaw and a scuffle ensued as they both rushed the door to “teach the ungrateful Uke a lesson”. Unfortunately, Greene suffered deep gashes to her left arm which was left dangling from her body by a thin strip of gristle.

Elon Musk’s favourite way of communication

As New Republican Guards were expelling Zelensky he slipped on a pool of blood and lay twitching on the ground. Both President Trump and Vice President Vance stepped over his body on their way to report to “a really great guy…great guy” Vladimir Putin on the success of their exercise in humiliation.

Wayne Gretzky Statue Vandalized in Edmonton: Spoof News Services: Edmonton, Alberta: 28February2025

In the early morning hours a statue of hockey great Wayne Gretzky was vandalized in the West Edmonton Mall. Philly cheesesteak was smeared all over The Great One. Placards were left behind stating “Ungreat the Great One”, “Stay in Los Angeles with your movie star friends” and “Go Play Golf With Your Orange Toad Friend”.

Mr. Gretzky played for the National Hockey League’s Edmonton Heavy Crude Oilers for many years before being traded by owner Zeke Chickenpoxington for new equipment for his meat packing plant.

Mr. Gretzky, a resident of Los Angeles, has been under severe criticism in Canada of late for his thumbs up to a national American hockey team in Boston lately, a match where American fans mocked Canadian spectators by saying “The 51st state”. Enraged Canadians remarked how The Great One has been seen cuddling up with President Trump at Republican fundraisers and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken at President Trump’s “Mired in Laggard” golf course.

A tearful Mr. Gretzky addressed reporters in Los Angeles at a lunch with Tommy Moneybags a chief fundraiser for “Canada The 51st” movement. Gretzky choked up said, “Don’t blame me for leaving Canada. Edmonton is too cold for a human being. All they do there is drink, curl in the winter and drink and in summer play golf until the sun sets and drink. I am withdrawing my application for governorship of Canada.”

Mr. Gretzky offered to send a cleaning team to polish up his statue. Edmontonians plan demonstrations in the upcoming days to rename the Wayne Gretzky Freeway into “Don Cherry Way”.

Canadian Grandmother Self Immolates in Ottawa Outside of British Embassy: Last Words Were “Bonnie Chicken Charles”: Spoof News Services: Ottawa:28February2025

Canadian grandmother, 89-year-old Prunella Cottswald, self immolated this morning outside the British Embassy in Ottawa, Ontario. The last words uttered by the frail Cottswald were reportedly, “Bonnie Chicken Charles” referring to the refusal of King Charles to defend Canada against the annexation threats to it posed by President of the United States to make Canada the 51st state and appoint “the leader of the Igloo People” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau its governor. For kindling to get the fire roaring Cottswald used several editions of Hello magazine then set herself alight with 100% refined Canadian petrol.

Cottswald was the grandmother of Amy Pickenbobber the brave first grader from Guelph, Ontario kidnapped by MAGA patrols in Dunedin, Florida and transported to Guantanamo Bay subsequently to be released in a hostage exchange.

Harvey Pickenbobber, father of Amy, told Spoof reporters his mother, the late Prunella Cottswald, had visited the Pickenbobber home in Guelph, Ontario the evening prior and had exploded in a fury upon hearing her granddaughter Amy Pickenbobber, was forced to eat apple pie every day at Guantanamo Bay. Her rage intensified upon seeing live on television Prime Minister Keir Starmer gleefully hand over a personal invitation from King Charles to visit Great Britain to President Trump.”  Mr. Pickenbobber refused to say what transpired after that other than a series of foul insults to “Bonnie Chicken Charles” and “spineless traitor to the British Commonwealth”. She then threw her Shandy over the telly and said that royal worm is worse than brownnosing Gretzky. She emphasized the late Queen Elizabeth would have been ashamed of “that chickenshit Charles”.

Amy Pickenbobber was not available for comment but Spoof heard sobbing in her bedroom lamenting the murder of Nanny Cottswald by traitor Charles.

Harvey Pickenbobber announced plans to launch a line of “Chicken Charles” merchandise and plan a nationwide boycott of King Charles’ favourite programme on the telly, Coronation Street.

RKS 2025 Film: “CIRCUSBOY” (Zircusboy): A Longstanding German Tradition

“CIRCUSBOY”, a German documentary, focuses on the Arena Circus owned by the Frank family in the circus business for some 200 years.

“CIRCUSBOY” recently had its world premiere at The Berlin International Film Festival.

The Arena Circus represents a long-standing German travelling circus tradition. It is a circus one will not see in North America perhaps because of the reputation of a traditional circus for animal mistreatment.

At Arena Circus there are acrobats, jugglers, aerialists, clowns, a ringmaster and horses, camels and llamas subject to regular veterinarian inspections to ensure proper treatment. I see no evidence of the atrocious treatment of animals I saw in 1970’s Communist Eastern Europe by travelling East German circuses.

Santino is a rambunctious and energetic eleven-year-old boy learning the circus trade from his circus community and 80-year-old great grandfather Ehe Frank one of Europe’s great ringmasters. Beyond learning the trade, he learns about life and the experiences of Ehe laced with morals and observations how circus people have been treated today and yesterday including the Nazi persecution of “travelling people” which included circus people, Roma and Sintis.

Santino and Ehe his great grandfather

In addition to the harsh treatment of circus people there are legends Ehe relates to Santino including the famous elephant bull Sahib.

Santino is shifted from school to school a result of the continually changing locations of Arena Circus but he takes it in stride telling his classmates about his life in the circus and his insistence he is in it for life and his progeny as well!

While Santino’s academic path is choppy the sense of community within his family and his circus family is unwavering and supportive.

Well timed and simplistic animation by Magda Kreps and Lea Majeran might appeal to young children watching “CIRCUSBOY” and its soundtrack has a definite circus vibe with tuba, clarinet and accordion.

While North America revels in the pseudo “circus” of Cirque du Soleil it can be said the documentary is about real circus that clings to life. Arena Circus is circus. Cirque du Soleil is entertainment.

Directed by Julia Lemke and Anna Koch. You can watch the trailer here https://vimeo.com/1054141443/3c1858d566

RKS 2025 Film Rating 76/100.

The Return of the Penniless Pensioner: Chapter Fourteen: Destroying and Rebuilding the State Apparatus: Reshaping the Military

The squashing of the Sixtember coup d’etat highlighted the importance of having the military apparatus under control of President Oran Crapaud. If only Vice President Mick Suspense had been hung by the insurgents matters might have turned out differently. Commander in Chief simply isn’t enough as a military with conscience won’t execute orders contrary to the foundations of a democratic state.

The military did not intervene to promote or hinder Sixtember so for promoting the dictatorship of Crapaud additional “compliance work” on it would be required.

One strategy is to “depopulate” threats in the military hierarchy and at this point in the game “termination with extreme prejudice” might be interpreted by the MAGA masses as excessive. Hence “plausible justifications” are required to depopulate. MAGA types are easily taken in by shams.

A fine orchestrated Crapaud example would be the utilization of anti diversity and inclusion dogma utilized against General Matt Mavrakia of the United States Army a rare black general and a critic of Crapaud. Use the anti diversity and inclusion dogma to conclude his high ranking was only accorded to him based on race and otherwise he was simply not qualified.

The National Guard can also be an ally for Crapaud as he has the power to deploy as do the governors in any state the National Guard is active. Should Crapaud wish to eliminate the political apparatus of Blue States the National Guard can be deployed by Crapaud to do the job as well as Red State governors who can deploy the National Guard ex-state i.e. out of their own state to subdue Blue States.

A second line of attack so popular with Presidential Special Advisor Moron Tusk is to remove enemies under the moniker of fraud and corruption and replace them with MAGA loyalists at the highest ranks. Manufactured fraud and corruption can be easily applied to the United States military as it has been to a vast array of federal agencies.

And when and if the myths of Make America Great Again and The Golden Age are ceaselessly driven into the masses’ heads then remove enemies as threats to these two myths. Even better declare your enemies as traitors to the nation and have them executed or sent to plantation-gulags in New Jersey to farm tomatoes.

The creation of a New Republican Guard out the ashes of the Secret Service is essential as to both the offense and defence of President Crapaud. Having made innumerable enemies in the FBI and CIA through mass terminations he has imperilled his life and requires high level protection which the New Republican Guard can offer. As the New Republican Guard are extreme MAGA fanatics they obey the orders of Crapaud without question particularly effective to control and intimidate non MAGA legislators.

No dictator can rise to power without the use of the military to crush opposition and maintain power.

Large Order of German Style Military Caps Sent to Baltimore Post Office Box: Spoof News Services: Baltimore: 27February2025

Spoof has learnt 3,000 German military style hats were delivered to a post office box in Baltimore, Maryland yesterday.

The hats were manufactured by Furor GMBH in Wittenbald, Germany.

The deliveree on the shipping manifest is shown as “New Republican Security Services”.

Spoof was advised by unnamed but reliable sources the hats may be for the New Republican Guard the successor to the United States Secret Service phased out due to corruption and fraud.

Furor GMBH refused to respond to Spoof inquiries. American politicians and bureaucrats in the know were unavailable as all were attending a cabinet meeting at the White House apparently laughing heartily at the fraudulent and corrupt reports of a measles outbreak in West Texas or possibly the bizarre twitching and contortions of a black hatted special advisor to President Donald Trump.