“The Penniless Pensioner” : Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 13: My Espionage Opportunity With The Favourites of Old Monarchist Bags and Naïve Schoolchildren, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police

The Vietnam War ended some 5 years ago but that did not prevent political disturbances from rocking the campus grounds of Montreal’s McGill University. The United Mutations were mobilizing support for mutants of the world. The Marxist Leninists the exploitation of students and workers, Hillel fighting against Palestinian terrorism, the Palestinians griping about the occupation of their land by the Israelis, the faculty demanding increased wages and so forth.

Marxism was a convenient if not a simplistic description of class power but in practice its implementation had been a flop with the top party bosses replacing the old bourgeoisie. This was a fact ignored by the Marxist Leninists at McGill University half of whom I expected were stoolies for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) These spiffy red uniforms and neat hats were loved by elderly grandmothers and naïve school children the same clan that supported the English monarchy. The RCMP could be seen snapping photographs of demonstrators at McGill. Canada’s KGB! The RCMP knew my volunteerism with the United Mutations but figured I was a just a rich boy with a guilty conscience. One day while downing a cappuccino at my favourite joint just below the Four Seasons a rather hefty bald man in a Gestapo vintage leather coat sidled up to me and right off the bat offered me a well-paid position as a stoolie for the RCMP. A bonus was paid for each communist ratted on which was tripled with corresponding treason convictions. Love that free enterprise encouraging productivity. My cooperation would ensure that there would be “no problems” with my student visa. It was explained to me by this fine RCMP representative, Pompy Blackhead, since I was so wealthy I would be more than eager to turn in “revolutionaries who will slit your throat when they seize power”. Not being affiliated with any of these groups made me virginal target for recruitment. Thinking quickly, I volunteered I supported the Untouchable Freedom Movement in India and gave Mr. Blackhead all assurances this group operated within a democratic framework. The coup de grace was informing Blackhead many in India considered the UFM to be a communist organization. He took the bait of doubt and scuttled away.

OK so I have made Wuhan Wet Market Publishing very pleased with espionage and pushing my boundaries they are pressing me to describe salacious matters next either sex or murder or even better if it was both. If I had known this I should have accepted that offer with The National Enquirer!

Hopefully dear reader you will not think me stoolie.

RKS 2024 Wine: Best Red Wines of 2024

Meyer Family Vineyards McLean Creek Road 2022 Okanagan Valley Pinot Noir $37.48 94/100

Stratus 2023 VQA Niagara-on-the-Lake $29  94/100

Spring’s Road 2017 Kangaroo Island Shiraz $23  94/100

Châtau Bordieu 2019 AC Blaye $23  93/100

Ricardo Santos 2021 Tercos Bonarda $17  93/100

Tomassi Pianeti  2021 Valpolicella Classico Supieriore DOC $23  93/100

Meyer Family Vineyards 2022 B Field Okanagan Pinot Noir $31.39   92/100

Domaine Laurent 2022 Gauthier Grand Cru Morgan Beaujolais  92/100

Château Joinin 2020 AC Bordeaux $13.95  92/100

Château Castagnac 2020 AC Fronsac $24  92/100

Monemvasios Tsimbidi Dry Red Wine PGI Lakonia $24  92/100

Perez Cruz 2021 Piedro Seca Cabernet Sauvignon $23  92/100

Riverview Estate Winery 2021 Baco-Foch $20  92/100

La Bella Sedara 2021 Sicilia DOC $22  92/100

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 12: My Moment of Fame Thanks to Food Poisoning! Me the Bombay Blaster aka Bombay Bastard!

Fame can strike when least expected. I was invited to the United Mutations box at the Montreal Forum to watch a special hockey match between the Montreal Canadians and the Indian National Hockey Team all the Indian team being dual Canadian citizens save for the goalie an “Untouchable” who was also a star cricket player in Delhi. The United Mutations were extensively involved with Untouchable Rights in India and as you may recall I volunteered with the United Mutations in Montreal.

We noticed many of the Indian players vomiting all over the ice during warmups. The team had eaten their pregame all you can eat late lunch at Tandoori Palace on Laurentian Boulevard near their ultra cheap hotel The Motel St. Pierre. The curried eggplant was the common denominator amongst the stricken. The team was short 7 players. Since most of our intramural McGill Hockey team, The Punjabi Pundits, had been invited to the United Mutations box we sprung into action and volunteered our services. The Indian team had huge revenue expectations from the match as it was being broadcasted nationally in India and Canada. It required that revenue to fund hockey development in India. We couldn’t let all those child Wayne Gretzky’s in India down So while the Zamboni was cleaning the ice of all the vomit we suited up as best we could with what equipment we could find in the dressing room.

You can only imagine the massacre that awaited us! The Indian national team and its substitutes from the Punjabi Pundits was defeated 24-3. Yes a defeat but I scored a hattrick against perhaps the best goalie in the world Ken Dryden who by the way was at McGill Law School and had seen the Punjabi Pundits play a match. As a hockey player I was full of knobbly knees but laser fast zig zagging erratically so much so the Montreal Canadians team was baffled. Ken Dryden said he was disoriented by my bizarre movements and fooled by the weakness of my wrist shot which he equated with the treacherous knuckle ball in baseball. I was also injured by a Chris Chelios frustration slash to the face necessitating 15 stitches. My blood spilled on the ice causing a riot in Bombay with the Canadian consulate being riddled with bags of urine.

My performance was a point of Indian national pride to the extent I was awarded the Nehru Prize for Valor! We had a fantastic meal afterwards with the Montreal Canadians at Ruby Foos on Decarie Boulevard. Mr. Dryden presented me with my hattrick puck and gave me a big hug. What a classy guy! The Canadians also supplied The Punjabi Pundits with the best hockey equipment and a $20,000 cash grant for our expenses. We might need this as some 42 hockey teams invited us to play in tournaments. Throughout the sports world I was referred to as the Bombay Blaster and to those who hated Indians it was the Bombay Bastard. I also received a coaching offer from the Kashmiri Crunchers of the Opiate Minor Hockey League. And yes RKS Films in Bombay was planning a movie on the Punjabi Pundits “Indian Conquerors of the World”.

RKS 2024 Wine: Vineland Estates 2021 Pinot Meunier

Aroma: Lighthearted bright red cherry. Reminiscent of Cherry Jell-O with some raspberry, strawberry and a bit of mocha. Discrete oak notes.

Palate: A lightweight wine with some surprising but evenly spread tannins that fade quickly. Gentle acidity so yes with the minimal acidity and moderate tannins the wine can cut through lean red meats nicely such as a flank steak. Somewhat lacking in noticeable fruit though. Some Smuckerish strawberry jam with traction.

Personality: My bouquet suggests a light and frivolous wine but my body is a bit bustier than Twiggy’s.

Food Match: Mushroom and butternut squash risotto topped with toasted walnuts.

Jazz Match: Alabaster dePlume “Honeycomb”.

Cellarbility: Drinking window = prior to 2025-year end.

Price: $35 CDN (overpriced I would quip).

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 88/100.

(Vineland Estates 2021 Pinot Meunier (Clone 458), VQA Twenty Mile Bench, Vineland Estates Winery, Vineland, Ontario).

RKS 2024 Film: The Worst Films of 2024

“Zombie Town” Canada 56/100

“Café 404” Greece 56/100

“Omicron Killer” USA 61/100

“Beehive” Canada 67/100

“Cold Road” Canada 67/100

“Pure O” USA  69/100

“Jeanne duBarry” France 69/100

“Guy Manley Super Spy” United Kingdom 68/100

“One Must Wash Their Eyes” USA  67/100

“What Mary Didn’t Know” Greece/France 64/100

RKS 2024 Film: The Best Documentaries of 2024

“A Photographic Memory” United States 96/100

“Devil Put Coal in the Ground” USA 96/100

“Russia At War” Russia 95/100

“Tish” United Kingdom 94/100

“To Kill a Tiger” Switzerland 94/100

“And So It Begins” Philippines 93/100

“Copa 71” United Kingdom 93/100

“Space Cowboy” United Sates 93/100

“Praying for Armageddon” Norway 93/100

“Cherry” Canada 92/100

“Stolen Time” Canada 92/100

RKS 2024 Film: The Best Films of 2024

“Fireworks” Italy 96/100

“Giannis in the Cities” Greece 96/100

“Tōtem” Mexico/Germany/France 96/100

“Daughter of the Sun” Canada 96/100

“Be Still” Canada 95/100

“The Shade” USA 95/100

“Astronaut” (Short) Canada 94/100

“Song for No One” Canada 94/100

“Fonissa” Greece 94/100

“Do Not Expect Too Much from the End of the World” Romania 94/100

“Sometimes I Think About Dying” USA  94/100

“Limbo” Australia 94/100

“I Used to be Funny” Canada 94/100

“The Secret Art of Human Flight” USA 94/100

“Markings of Murder” Canada 94/100

“The Stranger’s Case” Greece 94/100

“Meanwhile on Earth” France 94/100

“The Honeymoon” Ukraine 94/100

“Orah” Canada/Nigeria 93/100

“The Arrival” USA 93/100

“The Invisibles” Canada 93/100

“The Coffee Table” Spain 93/100

“Capitan Mihalis” Greece 93/100

“Velma” (Short) USA 93/100

“Piss on Patriarchy” (Short) Germany 93/100

“The Gardener’s Death” Greece 93/100

“Fallen Leaves” Germany 92/100

“The Last Taxi Driver” Greece 92/100

“Last County” USA 92/100

“Exile” Canada 92/100

“The Beast” (La Bête) France 92/100

“Sweetland” Canada 92/100

“New Life” Canada 92/100

“Sallywood” USA 92/100

“Compulsus” Canada 92/100

“The Penniless Pensioner”: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 11: My Routine at Montreal’s McGill University

Accustomed to a high-level standard of living in Bombay I chose my Montreal lodgings fitting for that standard. Being humble I rented the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons in Montreal on Sherbrooke Street 8 minutes from most of my classes in the Leacock Building. A full staff to support my daily activities could be perceived by self-righteous by Canadians so I left them back home in Bombay to polish silver and maintain the grounds.

I have a spectacular view from my window of Mont Royal and when the fall colours bless Montreal it is a wonder to behold. I’ll take it over the Taj Mahal any day.

I have all the amenities I need. Swimming pool, steam room and a gym. I am up for breakfast each morning at 07:00 I prepare myself as I have a kitchen in my suite. A cup of organic green tea, fruit in season and two slices of whole wheat toast. On Saturday and Sunday mornings I have a big breakfast delivered to my room and read the New York Times and Montreal Gazette happily downing a big pot of tea. The Four Seasons makes a wicked French Toast!

Saturday after drinking my tea and reading my newspapers it is culture time so I may go to the McCord Museum or Musée des Beaux Arts or wherever there is a worthy exhibit. Saturday night it may be an obscure artsy film showing at the McGill Film Society or the Greene Cinema. Occasionally I will go out with fellow students to Thompson House for some beer and peanuts. If there is a good jazz show at Didi Boucel’s Club in Vieux Montreal I might go there. I have seen Stan Getz, Gato Barbieri, Sony Rollins, John Mayall and many others.

Sundays is my mandatory walk up to Beaver Lake on Mont Royal and a stroll clear across to Park Avenue where I usually stop for a late lunch of souvlaki at Arahova Restaurant. If I have any energy left I may walk up and get some bagels at Fairmont Bagel Bakery. Just baked they are one of the 7 wonders of the world.

From Monday to Thursday it is class to class and lots of assignments and papers to work on. I have managed to stack all my classes so Fridays are free. I use this time to volunteer at the United Mutations Office in Park Extension researching specific issues as requested by Willie Montenez a big executive at United Mutations.

I play intramural hockey at McGill. A group of Indian students have created a team the Punjabi Pundits and quite frankly we stink. I am fast as hell and score a lot of goals but I am hell on wheels to watch. I mean in months I learnt how to skate. The United Mutations have a box at the Montreal Forum and occasionally I get to see Nos Glorieux play hockey in the shrine of all shrines for professional hockey.

My life is a peaceful and scholarly one.

It is difficult to make friends here but my slight British accent (rather Welsh from my late Mom) really attracts the ladies so there is no shortage of chatting and drinking 4th rate coffee from a machine at our student lounge. Occasionally I’ll ask one of these charming young ladies to Pam Pam restaurant on Stanley Street for Hungarian pastries, liking so very much the flourless chestnut cream cake and a café au lait. After my Minah incident though I wonder if these Montreal Girls are poison and too much for me to handle.