RKS 2024 Film: “Guzzle Buddies” (Short): Symbiotic Misery

The short opens with one roommate guzzling a full glass of liquor then helping his roommate suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks he attributes to being sparked by a “cold brew”. His roommate uses a variety of techniques to calm his anxiety ridden roommate.

The rescuing roommate over a bottle of liquor, he refers to as “one of the best chemistry shifters known to man” admits he may have a drinking problem. His roommate suggests it may be time for rehab but as both are “tanked” and lose themselves in an inane discussion about how the alcohol has affected their ability to drive confusing themselves how far each is capable of driving seem unable to decide how to get to rehab. The two roommates are guzzle buddies in arms suffering from debilitating conditions.

A Guzzle Buddy is a wine glass without a stem you attach to a wine bottle to enable guzzling of the wine.

The buddies are played by Lewis Pullman and Kyle Chase.

Directed by Michael Rees.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 86/100.

This short is a Vimeo staff pick and you can watch it here https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/1010054668

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (Final Version): Chapter 3: Juanita Wallabong’s Farewell Tour

When I was 14 years old my mother Juanita no longer wanted to give live performances as the anxiety that afflicted her was overwhelming even with those “Mother’s Little Helpers” otherwise known as Xanax and the live performances only encouraged her to continue guzzling gin “to take the edge off”.

Despite her live performance anxiety, she thought her fans deserved a final opportunity to watch one last performance on the stage on the condition I accompany her for her final tour after the end of my school term at King’s School for Young Men concluded in mid May. Juanita was concerned with my insular upbringing in the lap of wealth and British colonialism and firmly believed my exposure to the world would open my eyes and rid me of my “provincialism”.

So 65 performances were arranged in North America and Europe with three in Japan and two in China. Juanita was not a superstar as her genre “Bombay Blues” was not fully appreciated commercially. So the venues would be smaller theatres and concert halls instead of in arenas and big open fields. Her audience was an older set.

This was exciting for me escaping Bombay into the big wide world. Her record company Mumbai Marvellous had chartered a small jet from Sobranj Airlines to take her on the farewell tour. We kicked off the tour with a performance in San Francisco. Super cool with the Golden Gate Bridge, Haight Ashbury, Fisherman’s Wharf and Alcatraz. I really enjoyed our day trip to Napa Valley especially our private tasting at Biale Vineyards where we had Black Chicken Zinfandel. During prohibition when temperance laden America enacted Prohibition Biale Vineyards did sell wine to those customers knocking on the door wanted some “black chickens” for their dinner. Black chicken was the code name for bottles of wine. Alcatraz was awesome. Haight Ashbury and its dope smoking hippies and free sex was an eye opener. My dad, Paneer Gurdeep, could have made a fortune selling dope to these upper middle class hippie types. And the Vietnam War added a dose of reality to the apparent Frisco frivolity.

The real fanfare for my mother in the United Sates was at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville which she sold out for two performances. There are a plenitude of Holy Shrines in India and as far as country music and the blues the Grand Ole Opry was a shrine! Behind the stage we met a rather fat, puffy and inebriated man called Elvis Parsley I think his name was.

There was Sioux City, Denver, Detroit, New York, Toronto, Wa Wa, Winnipeg and Cornwall to name a few of our stops. I saw the world and developed a love for hamburgers, milkshakes, Kraft Dinner, Moose Meat, popcorn, apples and ample pornography on hotel room channels. A young man’s dreams coming true.

Europe was less gregarious than North America especially in France where Mom was warmly received as “India’s Billie Holiday”. One night in Paris a famous blue’s musician B.B. King insisted he play a couple of sets with Juanita. I love French cuisine with its heavy sauces but boy the French ignore vegetables! A nation of constipation I am sure.

My ignorant little eyes were opened discovering a world outside Bombay. It made me cognizant of differing cultures, attitudes, foods and taste in music. I had the time of my life. I had matured in a jiffy.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous: The Final Version: Chapter Two: Growing Up

Perhaps hypnosis or magic mushroom guided tour could revive my memory of my early years. As I am not presently afflicted with multiple psychiatric difficulties perhaps those early years were fine. I am told by my mother and father I relished playing in the dirt alone with my dinky toys. I could play for hours undisturbed. In addition to a passion for dinky toys apparently, I had an equal passion for toast and jam which I consumed in our Bombay home with copious quantities of cold milk purchased at the British Officer’s Club. Juanita being Welsh had been reluctantly admitted as a member to that club perhaps because she was a regular performer at their Friday night “Limey Bash” wing ding.

The formative event of my childhood if not my life was the untimely death of my father Paneer Gurdeep. When hosting a delegation of South African mining executives at his goldmine on a tour of the main mine shaft a South African visitor lit up his cigarette and the flame mixed with some coal gas resulting in a deadly explosion killing all the South Africans and my father. My sentence as an innocent victim was to foray into life without any father figure. My father had amassed quite a fortune and after my mother Juanita sold the gold mine we were set up for a life of luxury. My father had said if anything ever happened to him it was his wish I go to a British school where they would make a man out of me. Obviously he had never read “Lord of the Flies”.

At the age of 10 I attended the “King’s School for Young Men” an exclusive boy’s school in the British quarter of Bombay. Being half Indian was better than fully Indian thought the school administration. The students all sons of wealthy British “colonialists” and poorer military types called me a “Dirtiy Mixie” and made my life miserable for a time. The teachers were British veterans of WWII mostly suffering from post traumatic stress disorder unable to cope with life let alone teach young men. All of us were beaten and abused in the old British private school tradition. Of course in Canada there has been a big explosion of dirt and scandal about the residential school system for aboriginal children. We did not have nuns and priests making our life miserable just mentally scarred war veterans. It was bad. Real bad. I suppose after the Brits were tired of needling and bullying me they focused their abuse on Punja, the son of a lowly Hungarian tailor. I sort of fit in class status wise but was never accepted and included but rather ignored. I stayed at King’s School for Young Men until I was ready to attend university but there was one event that changed my life and gave me a totally new perspective on life.

RKS 2024 Film: “Shadow Brother Sunday” (Short): Monetary Desperation, Jealousy and Brotherly Love

Have you ever had that miserable feeling wondering about the trajectory of where your life was headed feeling like a failure and walked into a joyous family situation? Did you feel like crawling under the carpet?

Cole (Alden Ehrenreich) is a struggling musician down on his luck living out of his car. His brother Jacob (Nick Robinson) as a director is about to attend the premiere of his first movie amidst extensive press coverage. Cole and family assemble at his parent’s house to a welcome party for the returning success story Jacob.

Cole has received an offer to download contents of his brother’s computer for sleaze journalistic purposes making him some $80,000 richer.

After piking Jacob’s laptop Cole notices a draft letter in its files addressed to him describing an earlier time when brotherly connections were strong and Jacob so badly needed his support. Would have Cole sold the download had not there been a tapping on his car window?

One facet of a short film is it has less time to deliver its message and in “Shadow Brother Sunday” a strong and powerful delivery is made.

Writer and director is Alden Ehrenreich.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 93/100.

You can watch this Vimeo staff pick here https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/1031759283

RKS 2024 Film: “Ily, Bye” (Short): Getting That Job and Incompetence be Damned!

Siobhan (Meg Stalter) receives a tip from her roommate Gary (Kanoa Goo) his boss, the very conservative Mr. Litchfield may be looking for a new employee and suggests she call Litchfield to introduce herself which she does with disastrous results. Siobhan can’t stop her incessant jabbering on the message sounding like an incompetent fool.

Siobhan is obsessed with pink and her dress style and general taste might be suitable for a 9-year-old. She is not so incompetent to realize if her message is listened to by Litchfield, she is toast. With the reluctant help of Gary she breaks into Litchfield’s office and deletes her message but not before listening to a hot steaming one right after listening to his wife’s message asking him to pick up the dry cleaning on his way home.

Siobhan uses her emotional intelligence, so loved a few years ago by large corporate human resources departments, to land the job which Litchfield said earlier was no longer available. She had what was necessary to convince Litchfield she was the right person for the job.

You can watch this short on Vimeo staff picks https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/1028606746

RKS 2024 Film Rating 91/100.

Directed by Taylor James.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter One: My Distant Past

My father Paneer Gurdeep was born in a small remote village in India. Being a young man full of ambition he hustled the streets as a purveyor of mysticism. Put another way he dealt hashish from Kashmir to temples throughout the region to the mystics who became even more mystical after ingesting copious amounts of dope. The Holy Man was usually a very stoned man at least in our region. Paneer managed to crawl out of a life of subsistence farming and onto the streets and slums of Bombay as it was then named. He peddled his dope to the unfortunate and to certain decadent and adventurous Europeans living in Bombay. According to Paneer opium was for the depraved and hashish for the enlightened. He made a very good living and employed sub dealers of the highest caste many university students and no lepers please. He greased the palms of law enforcement if such a concept of law or enforcement of it existed in Bombay. He had a modest house with servants and his neighbours had no idea of the wares Paneer was selling mostly because he had underlings to do the dirty work.

My dad was a handsome man not wanting an arranged marriage and the suffocating presence of a mother-in-law. Not only that he hated Indian food and preferred steak and kidney pie over tandoori and curry. It so happened he frequented clubs where the colonist’s sought entertainment and cheap Indian whisky. In the Blue Magnolia Club he fell for Juanita Wallabong a Welsh singer who at that time had a rather poor talent applied to singing American blues. Juanita had flaming red hair a magnet for my father. Although a performer Juanita suffered horrific anxiety and tanked up on far too much gin before her performances. Some nights she had the voice of Billie Holiday and others no voice at all. Well dear old dad fell like a ton of bricks for Juanita and her red hair (which was dyed).

Well this and that lead to more this and that and finally to marriage. My father persuaded Juanita to give up live performances and instead record in the studio that my dad bought for her. She perfected a new style of blues called” Bombay Blues”. She had several hits in Europe and the United States and really cleaned up her bottle consumption. Thank goodness as I was born in 1959 on a Punjab Air Flight from Memphis to Bombay and the last thing I needed was fetal alcohol poisoning.

As a bundle of joy I was brought back to our now very swank quarters in the colonial quarter of Bombay. Dear Dad had long ago “sold” his dope business to the Dean of the Bombay School of Law and had taken up gold mining!

RKS 2024 Wine: Kings Ridge 2022 Pinot Noir from Willamette Valley

Aroma: Raspberry, strawberry jam and blackberry somewhat on the dense side of a Pinot Noir.

Palate: Broad based tannins. While dense and fruit infused on the nose thinness is present on the palate which I do not think should be equated by a particular style of Pinot Noir and should not be mistaken for elegance. Tart and short finish.

Personality: Initially at first sniff great hope swells but shrinks on the palate like George Constanza in the cold water of that Long Island pool.

Food Match: Beet and Feta cheese salad.

Jazz Match: Jamie Cullen “I Get a Kick Out of You”.

Cellarbility: Keep it until 2025-year end but will not improve with age.

Price: $30 CDN. $22 USD.

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 86/100. Wine Enthusiast 86.

(Kings Ridge 2022 Pinot Noir, Willamette Valley, Oregon, Union Wine Company, Tualatin, Oregon, 750 mL, 13%).

RKS 2024 Film: “Let’s Keep the Party Going” (Short): The Time Limited Advantage of Being a Hollywood Nepo Baby

Hunter (Nick Hurley) experiences minute success in his efforts to make it bigtime as an actor in Hollywood. He chides his agent for wasting his time with auditions for chickenshit commercials depriving him of an opportunity to showcase his acting talents.

The film commences with Hunter at an audition being asked to say, “Let’s keep the party going.” Linking up with a possible date interrogated as to his future plans he states he has no five-year plan and for his one-year plan it is, “just keep the party going.” So much for a subsequent date.

His agent mentions to Hunter he is a dime a dozen in Hollywood. You need to have a link to a celebrity preferably maternal or paternal his agent quips. Harken back to the feudal system! Resourceful Hunter crafts a story he is the son of a famous actor (guess who!) his mother never told him about to avoid jeopardizing his father’s career. He is now a nepo baby treated as if people care for his success for once in his acting career (or lack of it).

Women, wine and song briefly but he is a counterfeit nepo baby exposed by his supposed father receiving a Will Smith slap of reality.

They say comedy has a dose of reality which is on the stage in this short.

Nick Hurley does a slap-up job portraying Hunter the nepo baby.

Directed and written by Ariel Gardner.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 90/100. You can watch it as a Vimeo staff pick here https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/1032883066

RKS 2024 Film: “The Wildmen of the Greater Toronto Area” (Short Film): Searing Hot Allegorical Sarcasm

Imagine a society where mostly young adults choose to apply to the Canadian Government to become wildmen. No taxes are paid, student loans vanish, the impossibility of finding livable and affordable accommodation is overcome and the fruitless search for meaningful employment is avoided as most of the wild men live in Toronto’s extensive ravine system. The downside for wildmen is that they are used as slave labour and hunted for sport the best specimens having their heads prepared for taxidermists to be placed by deer heads on the walls of the hunter.

The various levels of federal and provincial governments reduce their social assistance spending, Medicare and costs of incarceration etc. Not quite Kurt Vonnegut’s “Welcome to the Monkey House’s” ethical suicide parlors but somewhat the same idea.

Wildmen, well they are considered as pests akin to zebra mussels and racoons.

You can watch the film here https://www.wildmenofthegta.com/

Directed and written by Solmund MacPherson.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 93/100.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous! (The Final Version): Introduction

Introduction (The Final Version)

Could it be The Penniless Pensioner is one of the most interesting characters inhabiting the globe today? That will be your decision.

From feedback I have received there is no doubt in my mind he is misaligned, misunderstood and some of you have remarked he is marvellous.

If you have been reading about his exploits on this website there is no doubting The Penniless Pensioner, or PP as we call him, is surrounded with beautiful women, adventure and espionage which are lacking in most of our lives.

As for beautiful women we have seen Lola Frieberg the Tirana Tigress, Celine and of course the dubious Russian Svetlana. PP likes his women far younger than himself no surprise from someone trying to create and live a dream!

I am but a ghost writer who has been at his side in many of his tumultuous moments so I can temper and validate his stories. This will be no fictional and rose-coloured examination of this remarkable man. You will get PP raw and ready. We are going to serialize this autobiography here on this website. Subject to reader response PP has inked an “intent to contract” with Unrealistic Pictures headquartered in North Hero, Vermont for a major film on his life. It is a bit early to discuss the film but I can say as a fact that Nicole Kidman has expressed interest in playing Lola Frieberg the Tirana Tigress based on the fact of the unknown friendship between PP and the late Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog. Ms. Kidman and Reggie as you know starred in several movies including the autobiography of Reggie.

Before we delve into the story of this remarkable man many of you have asked why “penniless pensioner”. That is complicated indeed. PP has at times been impoverished particularly when his Panamanian bank accounts were frozen but these setbacks were momentary. PP is neither a pensioner nor is he penniless. He earned the nickname Penniless Pensioner due to his short-lived role of a lawyer on the Bernie Madoff legal team. Mr. Madoff rendered many of his pensioner clients penniless so PP’s reputation was besmirched by the tabloids as “The Penniless Pensioner”. I am not sure how that makes any sense but the name has stuck. At this point PP wants to keep his name out of the press. PP has received several death threats from Mr. Madoff’s former clients so he wants to protect his identity until he clears his name by publication of his autobiography.

Readers enjoy the voyage.

Toronto November 29,2024.