“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: SIR REGINALD NICOMSHIRE’S FUNERAL: FROM PORNOGRAPHIC POSTCARD SALESMAN TO THE SECOND LARGEST SHIPOWNER IN THE WORLD

SIR REGINALD NICOMSHIRE’S FUNERAL: FROM PORNOGRAPHIC POSTCARD SALESMAN TO THE SECOND LARGEST SHIPOWNER IN THE WORLD

I have previously related to you Sir Reginald Nicomshire’s humble and perhaps tarnished past.

Reginald, or Reggie as the lower elements of Liverpool referred to him as quit school at 11 years of age to sell pornographic postcards. Well not really. He sold them as pornographic postcards, but when the seal was broken by the buyer the pornographic images were those of the Liverpool post office. The buyers were too embarrassed to request a refund.

With his postcard profits he smuggled scotch from the Scottish Highlands on barges and trucks to be distributed in Northern England. And then with the profits he purchased a dilapidated cruise ship that cruised the waterways of England where the business was sex cruises. He was a regular seaman transporting semen!

He then opened “recreation camps” in Communist Romania which were brothels for high-ranking party members. And with those profits he purchased a few rusty tankers to ply the Black Sea with whatever contraband fetched the highest price.

His wealth augmented to the point he married his wife Prunella, daughter of X a key member of Singapore’s ruling elite; using her family’s wealth he built a fleet of cargo ships transporting perfectly legal cargo except on occasion opium laden gum for the “criminal elements” of Singapore. That’s where Madame Fong became handy.

In short he constructed respectability in Singapore. A strategic supporter and funder of the PAP structure and Singaporean philanthropy and the arts. A citizen above suspicion. Had he reformed? Even a screever can move beyond hogs!

He bequeathed to me in trust two of his shipping lines Hesso Steamships and Kouradaki Express worth at least a half a billion USD in a canine trust. One problem though as it was bequeathed in the name he knew me as, Cuddlecakes, so under Singaporean testamentary law the bequeath was invalid and it would devolve upon Keith, his “illegitimate son” with Madame Fong. Fine with me. Bob and Fay are fabulously wealthy so what the heck.

A horse drawn carriage bearing Sir Reggie’s symbolic remains with a a Singaporean police band tramped through the streets. A sort of state funeral if you wish.

It was a lovely “Celebration of Life” of which no mention as made of Sir Reggie’s nebulous past. Snacks and cocktails were served and the ceremony concluded with a huge cake designed as a supertanker underneath a lovely oil painting of Sir Reggie as a young man holding a Cairn Terrier!

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: READY ACTION SHOOT IN SINGAPORE? NICOLE KIDMAN CALLS!

READY ACTION SHOOT IN SINGAPORE? NICOLE KIDMAN CALLS!

As Prime Minister Wong and I were completing our ablutions to attend the state funeral of Sir Reginald Nicomshire he received a call from the famous Aussie-American actress on a confidential basis. Kidman floated the idea of filming a new project about me most of it in Singapore!

“From Hostage to Hero” is a name I heard bandied about. Would the Singapore Film Development Corporation fund and facilitate the film?

Dylan the Westie and Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog had worked with Kidman, Russel Crowe and a few other actors in the film “A Dog Saved My Life”. Dylan and Reggie were heroes in Australia after defending Kidman from a saltwater crocodile attack in Darwin the site of the film shoot.

Reggie and Dylan both twenty-pound dogs defending Nicole against a nasty monster that could crunch them in a half bite! West Highland Terriers and Egyptian rescue dogs the heart of lions!

Bob had told me he and Fay (as the master and mistress of Dylan) were on good terms with Kidman and that she had visited them occasionally in Toronto. Bob said she was a dog lover and a real class act (and Cruise was a couch jumping Top Bum!)

Although Kidman said she would be contacting Bob upon his arrival in Singapore, Prime Minster Wong offered financial and logistic support for any Singaporean shoots.

I am not even out of puppyhood and a feature film all about my abduction and liberation. Am I growing up too fast?

RKS French Literature: The Joyous Life of a Cardinal in 1482 Paris (Victor Hugo)

However he was a very worthy man. He led a joyous cardinal’s life; was wont to make merry with wine from the royal vintage of Challuau; did not detest Richard-la-Gamoise and Thomas-la-Saillarde, gave alms to pretty girls rather than old women and for all those reasons was in great favour with the populace of Paris. He was always went surrounded by a little court of bishops and abbots of high degree, gallant, jovial, and fond of good eating….

Victor Hugo, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame

RKS RUSSIAN LITERATURE: Ideology a Virulent Plague (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

He dreamt that the whole world was condemned to a terrible new strange plague that had come to Europe from the depths of Asia. All were to be destroyed except a very few chosen. Some new sorts of microbes were attacking the bodies of men, but these microbes were endowed with intelligence and will. Men attacked by them became at once mad a furious. But never had men considered themselves so intellectual and so completely in possession of the truth as these sufferers, never had they considered their decisions, their scientific conclusions, their moral convictions so infallible. Whole villages, whole towns and peoples went mad from the infection.

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”.

RKS RUSSIAN LITERATURE: He Murdered for Himself (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

‘I didn’t do the murder to gain wealth and power and to become a benefactor of mankind. Nonsense! I simply did it; I did the murder for myself alone, and whether I became a benefactor to others, or spent my life like a spider catching men in my web and sucking the life out of them, I couldn’t have cared at that moment…And it was not the money I wanted Sonia, when I did it. It was not so much the money I wanted but something else…I know it all now. I wanted to find out then and quickly; whether I was a louse like everybody else or a man. Whether I can step over barriers or not, whether I dare stoop to pick it up, whether I am a trembling creature or whether I have the right….’

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”.

RKS RUSSIAN LITERATURE: Daring and Murder (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

‘I divined then, Sonia’ he went on eagerly, ‘that power is only vouchsafed to the man who dares to stoop and pick it up. There is only one thing, one thing needful: one has only to dare! Then for the first time in my life an idea took shape in my mind which no one had ever thought of before me, no one! I saw clear as daylight how strange it is that not a single person living in this mad world has had the daring to go straight for it all and send it flying to the devil! I…I wanted to have the daring …and I killed her. I only wanted to have the daring Sonia. That was the whole cause of it!’

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”.

LOST IN PUPPYDOM: THE LIBERATION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: WAS MY LIBERATION A SINGAPOREAN SCAM?

THE LIBERATION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: WAS MY LIBERATION A SINGAPOREAN SCAM?

Look at it this way; Melanie Lau smells like a “plant”, unreal, phony, an actor. Yeah, just a dumb dog I am! I can smell rotten and it stinks worse that the late Bobby Fong Jr.’s durian juice.

Lau doesn’t look like a criminal nor does she smell like one. She’s so law abiding she is the type that would be afraid to chew gum on a busy Singaporean street.

Half an hour after arrival at Lau’s I am “liberated by Singaporean police”. So polite and rather bored these Singaporean cops are; why do they accept fresh baked almond cookies from “criminal” Lau?  I heard one say, “Sorry but we can’t stay for tea.”

There are more cameras that police.

I am driven to a big white grandiose governmental type building near a cricket pitch and taken to a large room with all sorts of computers and people in suits and ties. There is a big sign “Singapore Government Relations”.

As I later discovered the “liberation raid” was a Singaporean media relations event sanctioned and planned at some level of government; a make the Singaporean government look good or as they say in Singapore…striking fear in the heart of criminals and a manifestation of the power of Southeast Asian efficiency?

Strange or not so strange Bob and Fay on their way from Toronto via Hong Kong to pick me up were prevented for boarding their flight to Singapore for reasons of “national security” compelling them to remain in Hong Kong and deal with Singaporean officials at the Singaporean Embassy there. A planned delay?

I am whisked to the office of the Prime Minister of Singapore a Mr. Wong where there are more cameras. Welcome to a press conference.

I could have started barking and bitten the poor politician, but where would that lead to?  Wong did say to me before the press conference Bob and Fay were on their way but delayed just a bit. You are staying with me a few days Wong said to me. I suppose it injected a bit of trust into the situation so why not roll with the punches. No threats to go sniff for landmines in Cambodia!

Frankly, let me say I am pissed off about used. The Fong’s used me and now I feel like the Singaporean government is using me.

I want to jump up and give Bob and Fay lots of kisses. I may be a cute and cuddly puppy but if you have been reading about me so far you know I am a tough assed West Highland Terrier.

I go to a fancy house in a motorcade; the official residence of Mr. Wong. I eat dinner of Singaporean chicken, rice and carrots and chase a ball just once then immediately fall asleep on the lawn.

RKS RUSSIAN LITERATURE:  A Tremendous Fall from Grace at a Funeral Dinner for Her Husband (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

Perhaps the chief element was that peculiar ‘poor man’s pride’ which compels many poor people to spend their last savings on some traditional special ceremony, simply in order to do ‘like other people’ and not ‘be looked down upon’. It is very probable too, that Katerina Ivanovna longed on this occasion, at the moment when she seemed to be abandoned by everyone, to show those ‘wretched contemptible lodgers’ that she knew ‘how to do things, how to entertain’ and that she had been brought up ‘in a genteel, she might almost say aristocratic colonel’s family’ and had not been meant for sweeping floors and washing the children’s rags at night.

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”.

RKS RUSSIAN LITERATURE:  There Can be No Deception in a “Free Marriage” (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

“I understand it now where the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a legal marriage, but it’s simply a despicable consequence of a despicable position in which both are humiliated. When the deception is open, as in a free marriage, then it does not exist, it’s unthinkable. Your wife will only prove how she respects you by considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and avenging yourself on her for her new husband. Damn it all! I sometimes dream if I were to be married, phoo! I mean if I were to marry, legally or not, it’s just the same, I should present my wife with a lover if she had not found one herself.

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”.

RKS RUSSIAN LITERATURE:  The Clever Cross Examination of a Criminal (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

I believe it’s a sort of legal rule-a sort of legal tradition-for all investigating lawyers to begin their attack from afar, with a trivial, or least and irrelevant subject, so as to encourage or, rather, to divert the man they are cross examining, to disarm his caution and then all at once to give him an unexpected knock-down blow with some fatal question. Isn’t that so. It’s a sacred tradition, mentioned, I fancy, in all manuals of art.

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment”.