“Andrij The Orphaned Ukrainian Rescue Dog” :Chapter 7: Some Advice from CNN Newscaster Jim Prosciutto: I Want to Shit on the Lawn of the Russian Embassy in Washington

Chapter 7: Some Advice from CNN Newscaster Jim Prosciutto: I Want to Shit on the Lawn of the Russian Embassy in Washington

I am on the CNN corporate jet with veteran newscaster Jim Prosciutto as we head from Poland to Washington. He is asleep as we take off from Warszawa and I am on the seat next to him with my head on his lap. I too fall asleep. Over the Atlantic he wakes up and we have dinner served by a flight attendant. Polish sausages and fried potatoes for both of us. Jim has a couple of shots of Polish vodka. His hands are shaking and his voice is quivering. He does not look well. His eyes are red and moist. He has had 8 shots of vodka after the two initial shots and that is too much even for a Ukrainian except at a wedding.

Jim looks at me and says that he has seen and heard too much. Innocent civilians killed and maternity hospitals shelled by “savage bastards”. He tells me he feels like a Ukrainian and he is hurting. He can’t sleep. He has incessant images of death and destruction. Worse of all he has a sense of rage and fury at the impotence of politics about Americans sitting by as “the Ukrainians have the shit pounded out of them”. An hour of F-18’s striking the vulnerable “Russian convoy” would bring Putin to his knees and end it all.

He looks at me and tells me I have no idea of the important mission I have. I will be mobbed by Americans and Canadians. I will be exhausted by a brutal schedule. He says be prepared for an intensive non-violent combat. He adds you are a brave warrior and your mission is so terribly important that you a dog may be the saviour of Ukraine. He is frightening me. I am a simple dog. What is expected of me?

We land at St. Miguel Airport in the Azores for a refueling and Jim takes me for a walk along the tarmac where I do my business taking time to pee on the wheels of a grounded Russian Aeroflot plane. Later I see that pee captured on international news. I also poop and Jim picks it up and throws it on the doors of the plane to smear Mother Russia. Putin is in a fury and raises the bounty on my head from 5 to 10 million USD.

We land in Washington and I say good-bye to Jim. God bless. The US Secret Service picks me up and we are in a heavily secured convoy to the White House. My cute little white fluffy head is worth a pile of money! We pass the Russian Embassy. I would love to take a shit on their lawn. Even more I’d like to shit all over Putin’s assassinated body. That will have to wait. Do you still think I am a cute white fluffball?

RKS Wine: Last Bottle Standing

While at a Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) outlet I noticed a lonely bottle of Domaine Lafage 2019 on the shelf which was blessed by a knowledgeable LCBO Vintages consultant who had not tried the 2019 vintage but had tried previous vintages to his delight. I am always willing to take advice from a friendly Vintage’s consultant which I did and gave this bottle of Grenache a home.

What say the wine for aromatics? Raspberry, ripe plump strawberries, cherry and Santa Rosa plum. The fruits are very well integrated and no particular fruit is vying for prominence. On the palate the old Grenache wines have calmed down the richness of Grenache so it is not a burly heavy hitter but it is not lighthearted either. It is mildly tannic with a long but gentle finish. A deep undercurrent of almond infused pomegranate and cactus pear lend some uniqueness to the wine. Would suit tofu and cremini mushrooms marinated in soy sauce, fish sauce, sesame seed oil, rice wine vinegar, Piri Piri sauce and garlic gently fried in a wok and served over organic Japanese buckwheat noodles. Drink by the end of 2023.

(Domaine Lafage Cuvée Nicolas Vieilles Vignes de Grenache Côtes Catalanes 2019, IGT, Maison Lafage Perpignan, France, $19.95, LCBO # 354191, 750 mL, 15%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

“Andrij the Orphaned Ukrainian Rescue Dog” : Chapter 6: I Want to Stay and Fight the Russians: Zelensky Has Different Ideas! I Am on Team Ukraine with Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog and Dylan the Westie

I might have been a bit rude growling at our President but I did it in a gentle way and perceptive as the man is he understood completely my preference to stay here and fight. I can carry messages, sniff out bombs and Russians and their mercenaries and spies. President Zelensky tells me Ukraine could use me as a brave warrior dog but I can be of bigger value to the nation by going to Canada. How can this be? I don’t understand. President Zelensky explained that I would go on tour in North America to raise support and weapons for Ukraine in a way a human could never do. I see his point. It is no time to be selfish.

I can’t wait to meet Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog
I will be on Team Ukraine with Dylan The Westie

My ears perked up and my jaw opened where he said I would be going and working with. Holy mackeral and Putin’s dirty ass I am going to be staying with Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog and Dylan the Westie the Brave Warrior. Reggie is the most famous dog in the world. I have seen both his Disney films, read about his relationship with Joe and Jill Biden, his connections with the Pope and Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau and his popularity in the Muslim world. He has been in a movie with Nicole Kidman! Now I will be with him and Dylan on Team Ukraine! The President tells me I will be instrumental in saving abandoned Ukrainian dogs. I will be leaving tomorrow on a corporate jet owned by the CNN network. The famous journalist Tim Prosciutto will be taking me to Washington. There is going to be a photo-op with Joe Biden and the Ukrainian ambassador. I am then going with Joe to a special session of Congress to hear President Zelensky address Congress. I sense I have a huge job ahead of me. I can save thousands of lives of both dogs and humans in the Ukraine. And when my job is done President Zelensky has promised me combat duty.

“Travels to a Different Time”: 16August1973: Sinsheim and Heidelberg, Germany: Lots of Beer and Food at Sinsheim

Up at 9 to bread, honey and coffee for my German friends and lemonade for me. Three hours on the road and we were in Sinsheim where most of them lived. We had a big meal of sausage and potatoes with beer. Germans drink gallons of it! We went to the family brewery for a tour. Most towns in Germany have their own brewery. We then went to Clement’s grandmother’s who insisted upon feeding us another big meal. After that feast off with Clement in the VW to stay with his friends in Heidelberg but they were not in so he drove me to the youth hostel full of Yanks with their Eurail passes and Europe on $5 and $10 a Day. Had a hot shower, read and dozed of. I get along very well with Germans my age.

“Andrij The Orphaned Ukrainian Rescue Dog”: Chapter 5: Rallying the Troops and Big Plans for Me That I May Not Like: Am I Going to Canada?

In a few days I am up and walking with a bit of a limp. Time seems to be running short. Our troops are bashing the Russians with Stinger missiles and we have shot down their MIGS with a late delivery of Patriot missiles. Why oh why hasn’t NATO pounded that stupid long and vulnerable convoy of Russian troops. They could have destroyed a huge part of the Russian army in twenty minutes. Putin takes the West as a fool and I must agree as the world watches the Russian genocide.

I am getting healthy and ready to serve my homeland. I have killed a Russian now I want to kill more and more. My blood is boiling out of control.

President Zelensky and I are good friends. He is under a crushing amount of stress. He takes me out for several walks a day and secretly smokes a cigar. One day he says to me to sit. I listen to him. He tells me what an inspiration I am to Ukrainian soldiers and civilians. He says that he wants to send me to the front as an inspiration for our brave fighting troops. I bark a big YES and nuzzle our President.

The next day I am wearing a flak jacket with big Ukrainian flags on both sides and with bodyguards we head to several key defensive positions. There are tired men and women with weapons. But there are too many old men and teenagers. They are willing to fight to the death and so I am I. We have death of our loved ones to give us strength. The Russian troops have vodka and looted treasures. Corrupt scum.

As I walk amongst our brave defenders there are cheers for the “bravest of all”. Western media is in on this and what I can do to rally the West for our cause I do. Dogs around the world are acting strangely barking like maniacs to join this canine jihad.

We are holding our own. The Russians thought they would march in and conquer us. Watch out you arrogant and corrupt bastards as we are going to march to Moscow and string up Putin by his balls for the world to watch. Just watch us.

So I head back to Kiev and get a bath washing the mud and fleas off my body. President Zelensky comes to me and asks, yes he asks and does not order, if I would like to go to Canada and help our defence. Before he can continue I growl and shake my head as here is where I belong. He shoos away his aides and comes up to my face and he holds it with tears in his eyes and says I am the bravest Ukrainian dog and that all of Ukraine loves me and how much the Russians hate and fear me but there are bigger things I can do in Canada. What does he have in mind? He rushes off and tells me I will learn tomorrow.

RKS Wine: The 97 Point Challenge: La Causa from Chile: Exile Me to Algeria for Rehabilitation

Some may run like lemmings for those wines scored in the mid to high 90’s especially if they are affordable. When I see a wine that is in this range I take up the challenge to see what the hype is about unless of course it is rated by Mr. Sky High Luca Maroni.

In this case the 97 has been awarded by Decanter World Wine Awards. The wine is a blend of 72% Cinsault, 18% País and 10% Carignan. Miguel Torres an extremely respectable vintner from Spain is the man behind the wine. I am a great fan of Cinsault when part of a blend or on its own if carefully tended. Cinsault and Pinot Noir were cloned in 1925 in South Africa to create the quirky Pinotage.

So this wine has to be knockout. Right?

I must admit I am a bit shell shocked by two rotten Pinot Noirs in succession that were so poor quality they must be returned. Ok I’ll spill the beans Eastdell 2017 Pinot Noir from Ontario and a 2019 Fabrègues Pinot Noir from France.

On the nose I immediately recover from shell shock and enjoy the black earth (a polite way of saying barnyard), artisanal organic cherry, beet juice, raspberry and milk chocolate. Classy. On the palate mild tannins. The first impression is that this is a dilute wine but give it a second or two and it shows a fine and high-toned cherry influence. However as hard as I strain my will and tastebuds the wine simply can’t deliver at a high calibre on the palate.

2022 has presented this writer with too many wine tasting crashes and who is rubbernecking at this “Riders in the Storm”? I am either growing super discriminating or crashing into the hellfire of wine infamy. Dare I criticize or fail to uphold a 97 pointer. Might as well exile me to North Africa to be rehabilitated in Cinsault vineyards.

(La Causa Cinsault/País/Carignan 2019, Valle del Itata, Chile, Miguel Torres, Curicó, Chile, $22.95, 750 mL, 13.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

P.S. All that glitters is not gold.

“Travels to a Different Time” : 15August1973: Bled to Munich: Mega Ride with My German Friends: Pizza and Beer in Munich

The hitchhiking Gods have been extra special to me today. Up at 5:30 for a hot shower and then gobbled down breakfast and thumb out by 7 a.m. Half an hour later picked up by the German kids that had taken me to the ferry to Hvar in Yugoslavia and asked me to join them. But I had already been to Hvar so we parted our separate ways. So like a week later they are heading back to Germany and they pick me up. I had only known them for a few hours but it was like a big reunion as their VW bus picked me up! We cleared the Austrian and German borders no problem. What beautiful scenery in Austria. The Austrian and German roads are superb in comparison to the derelict Yugoslavian roads. After travelling nonstop for 6 hours we stopped at a farmer’s field in Germany and had a big, delicious lunch of spaghetti and meat sauce.  In the early evening we ended up in Munich and passed through it picking up some pizza and beer. Pizza! You must be kidding! Slept in my tent in the farmer’s field.

“Travels to a Different Time” : 13/14 August1973: Two More Days in Bled, Yugoslavia

13August1973: Firming up Return Date: Running into My Homies From Bulgaria: After breakfast went with Lynn to the post office to make a call to Overseas National Airways in Frankfurt to see what our return dates to North America would be. For me it looks like August 20th. I made some mushroom soup for lunch and saw my Bulgarian homies from the youth hostel in Sofia. After lunch a swim with a Dutch friend across the lake and back. Did some food shopping on the way home and fried up some potatoes and butchered a macaroni and cheese. It was atrocious. Half the youth hostel and I went to see a movie after dinner.

14August1973: Pain in the Ass Move: Up at 8:00: Had breakfast in my room as the kitchen was crowded as the hostel is filling up. I went for my last swim of 1973 from 11-2. Made a big omelette for supper being pissed off I had been asked to pack up and move by the warden as a family was taking my room. Off to bed for a luxurious sleep as tomorrow heading North towards Germany.

“Andrij the Orphaned Ukrainian Rescue Dog” : Chapter 4: Under the Care of Our President Zelensky:  Tsar Putin Puts a Bounty on My Head!

I wake up in a strange shadowy place. I am in the land beyond? I have a searing pain in my leg and there is blood all over my white fur. I am in pain and I cry and a man comes over and tries to reassure me. He says he is an animal doctor who has been ordered by President Zelensky to take care of me. He gives me an injection and I fall asleep.

I wake up again and my leg does not hurt so much. And then the most remarkable thing happens! Our President Zelensky comes and sits by me and he pats my head and thanks me for being a hero of the Ukraine? He talks to me and tells me my murderous attack and killing of “The Brute” was captured in video by one of the soldiers in the patrol I ran to. The video has been shown on national television and Ukrainians are very proud of “Andrij Hero of The Soul of Ukraine”. Soldiers fighting the Russians are shouting my name as they start a new offensive. They are pushing down the Russians in the mud they deserve to die in.

Before I know it many media are in the room watching President Zelensky give me the highest military honour of the Ukraine! The media swarms in and hears Zelensky tell my story. I understand I am an inspiration to the free world. My video has appeared on Russian state TV courtesy of top rate Bulgarian hackers. Demonstrations against Tsar Putin are sweeping Russia. President Zelensky shoos out the media saying I need my rest. Perhaps I am dead after all. I fall asleep again with President Zelensky and his aids surrounding me and singing our national anthem. A simple orphaned dog having such huge effects on human history.

Tsar Putin has put a reward on my head of $5 million dollars.

RKS Film: “Madelines”: Quirky Satire of Sci-fi Time Travel Film?

“Madelines” challenges the viewer to arrive at some coherent conclusion. This could be the result of poor writing or very clever filmmaking. In “Madelines” be prepared for innovative and creative filmmaking. What is enjoyable is the possibility of multiple interpretations. I could quell my curiosity by speaking with director and co-writer Jason R. Miller but that would give me an unfair advantage over my dear readers. I assume of course Miller had linear and logical progression in mind!

Ok we start on a serious vein with young scientists Owen (Parry Shen) and Madeline (Brea Grant) working on a time machine project. Madeline, liking her wine a bit too much, breaks her own rules of multiple testing before a human trial can be made by transporting herself in the time machine but makes a coding error that results in a Madeline from another dimension being transported to Owen’s and Madeline’s backyard that will continue for another 9 years theoretically throwing the whole universe out of whack. So each Madeline must be killed. This is where a vital clue is dropped that this is not your ordinary sci-fi film. The scientists become killing machines as each time a Madeline appears in the backyard they must kill her. But wait their backyard is in a suburban neighborhood in plain view to neighbours so how serious could the film be?

The funder of this experiment Ray is hardly a professional venture capitalist so it is hard to take him seriously. At some point one simply must abandon the idea that this is a serious film.

The solution proposed by Madeline is to go back in time and correct the coding error so in the future there will be no Madelines appearing daily. As things go awry and the “replacement Madeline” takes precedence over the “real Madeline” who perishes in a struggle with a “new Madeline”. There are signs that the “replacement Madeline” is evil. The result is that Madelines start appearing daily. In one humorous scene numerous Madelines are sitting in the living room drinking glasses of wine. It starts getting a bit ludicrous until it looks like a quasi-zombie film! Invasion of the Madelines! But instead of zombies with intestines hanging out of their mouths there are multiple Madelines with glasses of wine in their hands.

My conclusion is that “Madeline” is a satire of a B sci-fi movie. If that is wrong Plan B which is it a light hearted and highly camouflaged interpretation of the spread of COVID. I am sure both interpretations are incorrect but I had a pile of fun figuring out what the heck is going on here.

So don’t be prepared for a serious sci-fi movie. The ideas are pure sci-fi but the delivery of them is far from serious. And if it is a satire there are a few chuckles but not really many laughs which makes it all the more difficult to pin this film down. It is co-written and directed by Jason R. Miller and co-written by Brea Grant. The film will be released in select theatres and on Demand starting April 1st.

You can see the trailer here https://vimeo.com/682005841/57121e93ef