“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: MATTERS ARE NOT WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE: OUR SECURITY TEAM AND BOB’S GLOCK

MATTERS ARE NOT WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE: OUR SECURITY TEAM AND BOB’S GLOCK

Bob is fond of saying we inhabit a “modest cottage” on a quiet street in Toronto’s Bridlepath area. Bob and Fay purchased the late musician Gordon Lightfoot’s home and gently renovated it a few years ago. That musician Drake is our next-door neighbour and he visits  for tea once a week when he is not “on the road” performing. Bob and I have been invited once to his private box to watch the Toronto Raptors basketball team play. That half a chicken finger treat I had in the box was AWESOME!

Dylan the Westie and Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog, both now in The Land Beyond, absolutely loved the “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” sung so soulfully by Mr. Gordon Lightfoot. Bob plays it every so often and I know why those two dogs loved it so much. Well Drake’s music is well…. sort of…  .

Bob and Fay are what humans call “loaded” as Bob made a fortune with his book “Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” and the two Disney movies bearing the same name. Dylan the Westie, Reggie, The Mookster, Penny and Ollie made many enemies of powerful despots and criminal elements. Dylan the Westie and Reggie died in a politico-criminal hit. Bob was seriously injured in a bomb blast attributed to Tsar Putin and possibly Kim Jong Jughead.

With wealth and fame comes danger and Bob holsters a Glock when outside the home. We have 24-hour security outside the gates of our little cottage. I like Mardeep a 7-foot massive Indian man with a turban and Clive a 350-pound former Saskatchewan Roughriders linebacker.

Bob drives an armour-plated Passat. There is an Uzi in the trunk. What is an Uzi? Sometimes I wish I would grow up quickly so I can stand guard at our front door.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: RORY SAYS CAREFUL WHEN YOU USE THE EXPRESSION “NAUGHTY PUPPY”

RORY SAYS CAREFUL WHEN YOU USE THE EXPRESSION “NAUGHTY PUPPY”

I continually hear the expression “naughty puppy” bandied about by humans. It implies malicious intent on innocent little puppies. Indeed, we can be mischievous, rambunctious, silly and even destructive but that is in our nature as puppies. There may be actus rea but rarely is there mens rea. Put another way there is the act but rarely is there any intent to do so. We lack the full mental capacity to discern between right on wrong.

I may be just reaching 5 months of age but I watch quite a bit of news whether it be local, Canadian, American or international. I see violence and brutality of the human race omnipresent yet has anyone coined the expression “naughty human?”

RKS 2025 Travel: Destination Southeast Asia (Short Attention Span Version)

GROUP TOUR PERSONALITIES: THE WINDBAG

The windbag never stops talking. To fellow travellers. To the tour guide and director. To anyone fortunate to have been born with ears. Then those long-complicated questions with a microphone in hand on the tour bus. Digging into the minutiae and the weeds with questions of importance only to the windbag but often sadly amplified over the bus microphone for all to hear. The private windbag goes painfully public. A windbag may be found amongst a group of friends so they feel more comfortable yakking away which is all the more humane as they are not amplified by the bus microphone.

Particularly toxic is the pompous windbag convincing fellow travellers of their importance and/or intelligence. Modesty is a dirty word to this category of windbag. And with a bus microphone in hand look out!

There are no known treatments for the compulsive windbag but victims may protect themselves with noise cancelling headphones.

Next the tour director

RKS LITERATURE: Frankenstein Verging on a Mental Breakdown (Mary Shelley)

“The leaves that year had withered before my work drew near to a close, and now every day showed me more plainly how well I had succeeded. But my enthusiasm was checked by my anxiety, and I appeared rather like one doomed by slavery to toil in the mines, or any other unwholesome trade than an artist occupied by his favourite employment. Every night I was oppressed by a slow fever, and I became nervous to a most painful degree; the fall of a leaf startled me, and I shunned my fellow creatures as if I had been guilty of a crime. Sometimes I grew alarmed at the wreck I had perceived that I had become; the energy of my purpose alone sustained me: my labours would soon end, and I believed that exercise and amusement would then drive away incipient disease; and I promised myself both of these when my creation should be complete.”

Mary Shelley, “Frankenstein”, 1818.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: BRAVE NEW WORLD

BRAVE NEW WORLD

As a FOB, as all puppies are, life graduates in excitement day after day assuming you have caring and attentive masters. Arriving at Bob and Fay’s house was an eyeopener after being born in a kennel. The backyard was a new world of sights and smells. Chasing squirrels is a thrill. Running around in circles and flipping in the air with my puppy twirls. Chewing sticks. Snow plowing with my nose. Barking to introduce all who could listen.

In the past week I am out for walks with Bob. So many smells my nose is continually just off the ground. Seems there has been some dog peeing in the snow here and there. Bob laughs and says, “GO PEE!”  when I focus on the yellow specked snow and when I smell the fire hydrants . No comprendo! I am up to nine walks so far.

The best by far is encountering other dogs. I went out for a long walk in the snow yesterday with Billy a one-year-old King James Cavalier. We puppy fought and what excitement and wonder. Bob says we will go for walks with Billy including at the Don Valley Golf Course which was Dylan the Westie’s favourite place. It must be something extraordinary.

This morning we met a big brown dog named Dash. Dash is a therapy dog but I know not what that means. I jumped all around him and he was patient with me. Last night though I bounded toward a dog who growled at me. I backed off. Why are some dogs like this? Bob pulled me back saying the last event we need is an aggressive dog attacking me. Apparently not all dogs are playful like Billy or patient like Dash. I must pay attention to growls I think? What is wrong with these dogs that growl. Could they hurt me? I require further dog sensitivity experience and I must rely on Bob and Fay AND THE OWNERS OF ALL DOGS to respect my safety.

When I come home after a walk I am supercharged. Bob says it is like I had too much coffee. But in 15 or 20 minutes my eyes are heavy and my legs are like cement and I fall asleep.

RKS Literature: What Drives Frankenstein to Create His Monster? (Mary Shelley)

“No one can conceive the variety of feelings which bore me onwards like a hurricane in the first enthusiasm of success. Life and death appeared to me in ideal bounds, which I should first break through, and pour a torrent of light into our dark world. A new species would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me. No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as I should deserve theirs. Pursuing these reflections, I thought that if I could bestow animation upon lifeless matter, I might in the process of time (although I now found it impossible) renew life where death had apparently devoted the body to corruption.”

Mary Shelley, “Frankenstein”, 1818.

RKS Literature: The Miserable Details of Commerce (Mary Shelley)

“The day of my departure at length arrived. Clerval spent the last evening with us. He had endeavored to persuade his father to permit him to accompany me and to become my fellow student but in vain. His father was a narrow-minded trader and saw idleness and ruin in the aspirations and ambition in his son. Henry deeply felt the misfortune of being debarred from a liberal education. He said little, but when he spoke I read in his kindling eye and in his animated glance a restrained but firm resolve not to be chained to the miserable details of commerce.”

Mary Shelley, “Frankenstein”, 1818.

Canada, Denmark, Greenland, Columbia and Taiwan to Form Coalition of the Threatened

Spoof News Services: Grimsby, Ontario: 5January2026: Reliable sources amply reimbursed by Spoof News Services have learnt of a secret meeting between officials from Canada, Denmark, Greenland, Columbia and Taiwan at the exclusive Lux Resort in the High Mountains of Grimsby, Ontario.

Sources stated the meeting was to discuss the formation of a Coalition of the Threatened (COT). One the sources, a janitor at the Lux Resort, stated he overheard delegates discussing the formation of COT whilst he was cleaning up runny poop from the meeting room’s carpet spewed by a Greenlander’s Arctic Husky dog.  

An unnamed Canadian governmental source told Spoof due to recent events in Caracas and on the high seas of Venezuela delegates are concerned “they will be next”. Canada is rich in minerals and fresh water. Columbia has a thriving carnation cultivation industry. Greenland has abundant minerals and a booming whale meat industry. Taiwan is like the Ukraine of China ripe for the picking.

The Canadian source noted the breakdown of international law and an obvious resource grab of Venezuelan oil.  “They could land a few helicopters in Ottawa and Prime Minister Carney could be joining Maduro in the courts of lower Manhattan. Premier Doug Ford of the Canadian province of Ontario has been marked by U.S. officials as an anti tariff terrorist. Put two and two together.”

Spoof will continue reporting on this breaking development.

RKS 2025 Wine: The Best Wines of 2025

94 Colchester Estate Winery Grand CREW Cabernet Sauvignon (Canada)

94 Stag’s Hollow 2022 Renaissance Merlot Okanagan Valley (Canada)

94 Hester Creek 2022 Old Vine Cabernet Franc (Canada)

94 Schild Estate Angus Brae Vineyard 2020 Shiraz (Australia)

94 Big Head Red #11 (Canada)

94 El Enemigo 2021 Single Vineyard Bonarda (Argentina)

94 Chateau Ste Michelle Indian Wells Columbia Valley Cabernet Sauvignon (USA)

94 Pedra Cancela 2018 Vinha da Fidalgo (Portugal)

93 Moraine 2022 Cabernet Merlot (Canada)

93 Henry of Pelham Family Estate Bin 106  2023 Lost Boys Baco Noir (Canada)

93 Stag’s Hollow 2022 Pinot Noir Shuttleworth Creek (Canada)

93 Thorn Clarke Pinot Noir Chardonnay Brut NV (Australia)

93 Bachelder Single Vineyard Bai Xu 2021 Gamay Noir (Canada)

93 Stag’s Hollow 2022 Renaissance Chardonnay (Canada)

93 Palatine Hills 2023 Viognier (Canada)

93 Jaque Mate 2019 Reserva Malbec (Argentina)

92 Clemente VII Chanti Classico (Italy)

92 Peller Estates 2022 Private Reserve Cabernet Franc (Canada)

92 Henry of Pelham 2020 Family Estate Pinot Noir (Canada)

92 Montes Alpha 2021 Special Cuvée Cabernet Sauvignon (Chile)

92 East Dell 2022 Estates Morgan Vineyard Gewurtztraminer (Canada)

RKS Film: Best Films of 2025

96 Athens Midnight Radio (Greece)

95 Headcase (short) (Canada)

95 Self Driver (Canada)

95 Stelios (Greece)

94 Hole (short) (Korea)

93 Vermiglio (Italy)

93 Loren & Rose (United States)

93 Morningside (Canada)

93 Cloud (Japan)

93 Sweet Angel Baby (Canada)

92 Saigon Kiss (Vietnam)

92 Moon’s Wife (Canada)

92 Our Monsters (Canada)

92 Ya Dang (Korea)

92 Old Woman with a Knife (Korea)

92 The Legacy of Cloudy Falls (Canada)

92 Filip (Poland)

92 Skeet (Canada)